Somebody must know how to write a better cover letter - help

[john]

My name is Anne Coughinalot and I am relocating to South Phoenix.  I offer a high level of work experience and competence to a prospective employer as I have worked as a Veterinary Technician for almost 20 years.  Working in the veterinary field is the fulfillment of passion and love for animals and pet owners and look forward to sharing this with you.

I will be available to work in mid August and will be in Phoenix and available to interview between July 19th to the 22nd.   I can be reached during the weekdays at my current employer, Foxboro Animal Hospital 508-543-xxxx, or on my cell phone all other times at 508-369-xxxx.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thank you.

Anne Callahan

Can somebody please make suggestions to make this better!  I know it needs something, I just can't figure our what.  As many of you know we are leaving for AZ in a few weeks and Anne needs to land a job.

[Guccisport]

just a suggestion, but:  she should list the types of duties that she has performed and how that experience has shaped her professionally.  possibly listing whether she has worked for small rural clinics or large busy clinics in a city.  good luck with the job search

[Zarathustra]

some of those sentences are kind of cumbersome.  i don't know about cover letter form, however, i can tell you that some of those sentences might need to be reworded.

Working in the veterinary field is the fulfillment of passion and love for animals and pet owners and look forward to sharing this with you.

this sentence struck me as kind of odd, and it's hard to put my finger on how to fix it really.  the wording, "fullfilment of passion" seems weird, a whole lot of "ands".  hrm...  i'd probably say something like, "Working in the veterinary field is my passion.  I look forward to sharing my love of animals, and their owners, with you."  something around there.  i dunno, that sentence just really bugs me, something doesn't click.  but maybe i'm way off.

other than that, maybe a comma after employer in the first sentence, to seperate the clauses.  i don't know if you were looking for more stuff to put in there, or my gramatical ramblings, but that's all i've got for ya.  good luck.

[Zarathustra]

just a suggestion, but:  she should list the types of duties that she has performed and how that experience has shaped her professionally.  possibly listing whether she has worked for small rural clinics or large busy clinics in a city.  good luck with the job search

i don't think you normally want to put that type of thing on a cover letter.  that stuff should all be in your resume instead.  you can have some small things, but specifics should all be inside.  if the cover letter is too long, they might not waste their time reading it.  here's a site i found john, maybe it will help you out.

http://jobsearch.about.com/library/samples/blsampleCoverLetters.htm

[cozy]

First Paragraph last line, "i" is missing before "look forward to sharing this with you."  
If Anne C. has any specializations within her field it might be a good idea to drop them in there, or if she has a strong area that has come out of her experience it could be added.  
Good luck!

[snapper]

[octane]

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am a Veterinary Technician with nearly 20 years experience relocating to the Phoenix area. I offer a high level of experience and competence in veterinary medicine, matched only by my passion for the job and a lifelong love of animals.

I will available for interviews in Phoenix July 19-22 and will be ready to begin working by mid-August. Please find my resume attached. I hope you agree that my experience would be an asset to your company. Thank you for your time, I look forward to speaking with you soon.

Best Regards,
Anne Callahan

Keep the cover letter short and to the point. List your experience and contact information on the resume. The purpose of the cover letter is to draw the interviewer's attention to your resume. These people review stacks of these things and the reality is that the long letters get chucked. Good luck!

[john]

Wow you're all so good  

Now I have things to work with.  For some reason I was having a hell of a time figuring out how to write the dang thing.

Thank you all!    :mrgreen:

[Laura]

Go Snapper! Will you right mine?  :mrgreen:

Laura

[Zarathustra]

Go Snapper! Will you right mine?  :mrgreen:

Laura

man, if you want her to "right" yours, you better get some help on it.  

[snapper]

Yeah Laura I'll "right" yours... hehe  :mrgreen:

Gee I only thought I did an "eh" job. Thanks!   :mrgreen:

[Laura]

:lol: See, I told you I need help!

Laura

[JamesG]

Topless pics might help.

[destroyer]

Right on James

[Laura]

Yeah, I'm sure topless pics would help, especially since the majority of veterinarians are WOMEN!  

Laura

[john]

Topless pics might help.

Now I know you weren't talking about Anne right?    And be nice to Laura, we need more women around here and that kind of talk might scare her away...  or then again maybe she liked it :lol:  

[yamahonkawazuki]

hmmm    "topless pics", new category here on the site? :lol:  :lol:  :nana:  :dunno: