I Must Be Out Of My Mind or, Wow My Very Own Foreign Bride!

[Moose0573]

***Warning, Long Post***


As I write this post I have only about 80 hours of bachelordom remaining in this life of mine.  That's right, I'm taking the leap and getting married sometime Thursday.  This will be marriage number 2 for me.


"All right, congrats Dude!" you are probably thinking and getting ready to type.  Well, Not so fast!!!  The thing is as of this time last week I had no intention whatsoever of getting married.  I wasn't even remotely entertaining the idea.

So what's the deal you ask?

Well, here's the SITREP?  I guess sometime late last fall my brother-in-law introduced me to a nice looking woman that he works with.  Considerably younger than I, however she was quite a looker.  So, I inquired as to her status.  She was single but not looking.  However, she did have a sister.  She is closer to my age and graduated with an MBA in 2003.  So we were introduced via email.  We seemed to hit it off rather well, although not in girlfriend/boyfriend way.  We conversed via email and phone for close to two months before I finally had the chance to meet her.  She is something else...attractive, polite, caring, non-pretentious, intelligent...she is really something else IMHO.

However, we really haven't been dating, just really good friends.  We've hinted to each other at wanting more, but as we live three states, and close to 700 miles away from each other it's been kind of difficult.  As such, we've only seen each other twice.  

Here is the thing...She is Bulgarian.  She came to the US on a education visa in 2001.  Since her graduation from grad school in 2003, she was given an extension.  I didn't know it unil a couple of weeks ago, but her sister told me that her extension expires next month, in July.  Which means she has to go back to Bulgaria.  After hearing this I confronted her and asked why she didn't say anything to me about her situation.  In her typical fashion, she said that she didn't want to trouble me with it as it was her problem.  She was planning on going back to Bulgaria and apply for a green card to come back at a later time, hopefully to get a job, and eventually apply for citizenship.

The thought of her having to go back to Bulgaria weighs heavily on me.  She really wants to work in an area where she can put her MBA to use.  There really is no opportunity for her in Bulgaria.  Even now as a waitress, she makes more in a week here than she would in a month there.  If she were sent back, there would be no telling how long she would have until she acquired a work visa and be able to return to the US.

With this in mind I spent the last couple of weeks thinking about this.  Last week I called her up and proposed to her.  I told her that I wanted to do it as soon as possible.  She is reluctant as she thinks I am being rash, which of course I am, however, she also understands that by getting married this will change her immigration status and not only allow her to stay in the US, but be able to put her MBA to use and get a good job.  I don't believe that she is using me, as I said that I solicited her about doing this.  Her only family in Bulgaria is her elderly father who has no desire to come to the US.

So I'm driving up to North Carolina next week and we're tying the knot sometime Thursday.  The process is a little less complicated up there compared to Florida.  We discussed it, and within the next couple of months she will be moving down to where I'm at and we are going to live together.

Now I'm aware that some people will have a problem with this.  I don't see it as though I am getting married for the sole reason that she can stay in the US.  Nor do I think that she is using me just so that she can stay.  It took quite a bit of persuasion on my part to convince her to do this.  We do both agree that there is something there between us, it just hasn't had an opportunity to develop.

So I'm wondering, am I doing the right thing?  Obviously there is the risk that we won't develop a relationship and this will be all for nothing.  She'll get to stay in the US with the potential of becoming a citizen and I'll get jack squat.  Yet, we have to stay married for at least two years before she can apply for permanent residence status.  If we divorce before that she gets sent back to Bulgaria.

So what the heck am I doing on a motorcycle forum at 5AM in the morning writing about this?  Beats the hell out of me.  Maybe because since I'm making a fly-by-night decision about a very important life event and I think that I can get some honest input from the folks on this board.  Maybe I'm being a big fool.  I could get bit in the arse by all this.  Then again by taking this chance I could find the love of my life.

I just can't get over how impulsive I've been in making this decision, but  then again I signed up for the BRC and then bought my GS on impulse and I haven't looked back.  So maybe this will turn into something that I won't regret.  I dunno.

I do know that the majority of folks on this board are guys and gals who can be brutally honest in their opinions.  That's what I want.  Let me know what you think.

[TheGoodGuy]

well I dont see anything wrong. Its funny she isnt too enthusiatic over getting married. Which in my feelings is a good thing.

However one thing I would suggest is a Pre Nup. Make sure that's put in, that's your saving end, even though this is your 2nd marriage, you dont want it to end badly.

Now if she is the woman she is, and you guys were talking far before even discussion of marriage (unlike mail order brides and stuff where they are out to get married), i think this will work great.

Anyway congrats!

Good luck.. and by the way why not Las Vegas.. !!!

[Cal Price]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. A friend of mine from London did exactly what you are going to do, about five years back with a Ukrainian girl.  They are still together and very happy.  I have to say this is probably the exception to the rule; most of these arrangements seem to fall apart.

Over here in UK the immigration service take a view on whether the marriage is "Genuine" or not, or was undertaken for visa reasons.  They do surprise visits, etc. and deportations do happen even after the marriage.  They may well take a post like you made as evidence that it is not a "Genuine" marriage if they could prove authorship.  Perhaps the US immigration dept are less interested but frankly, I doubt it.

Be careful, think things through.  A marriage is, after all, supposed to be a lifelong commitment. A pre-nup is probably a good idea but don't go into the marriage planning for it to end.  Only go ahead if you think you would without the visa issues.  Good luck, congratulations if you go ahead.

[Moose0573]

Whether or not I would have considered marriage to this woman without the visa issues is a question that I have pondered.  As I said I have known her for a few months and during that time we talk usually three or four times a week on the phone and probably exchange emails every day.  We actually discussed some time ago the possiblity of us becoming a couple, and her moving to my area so that we could be together, however finances were an issue.  

If anything it could be said that we shouldn't get married only to split up once she's in the clear, however that is not our intention. We both agree that this as a legitimate marriage proposal.  I could definitely see myself with her the rest of my life.  It's just, so, sudden.  

As far as the USCIS (formerly the INS), I've consulted an immigration attorney as I was concerned about exactly that, Cal.  He said there should be no problem as long as there is an established history of a correspondence between us.  We are required to stay married at least two years before she can apply to have her conditional permanent residence status changed to just permanent resident.  We have to have an interview with USCIS around that two year mark where they make the determination that our marriage is bona fide.  I guess the rule is in place to weed out those who marry ONLY to evade the immigration laws.

I have the utmost respect for the laws of the US and would not be doing this if I really didn't believe that this is what I want, and that it will last.  


The_Good_Guy,

Vegas would be nice, but since we are kind of crunched for time we couldn't do it.  I don't think I can afford it as I just bought an $800 ring.  

A prenup is probably a good idea, I just have this idea that it signals a lack of trust in your partner.  Then again, I'm notorious for this type of naivete.

[davipu]

The biggest mistake you can make is to miss the opportunity to live.  Go for it man, don't look back.

[The Buddha]

There is no such thing as a "right decision" in matters of life ... its making a descision and making it right ...
Remember your wedding isn't your marriage ... Wedding can be low budget and hasty ... marriage doesn't neccesarily have to be ... Pre nup - yea but totally necessary only if you consider yourself wealthy ... she has MBA ... if you're not independently wealthy she'd prolly earn more anyway (assuming you dont have similar degrees too).
Cool.
Srinath.

[raylarrabee]

pre-nup, definitely.

[Blueknyt]

This will be marriage number 2 for me.

you didnt learn from the first one?

its JUST a piece of paper.  with all the legal BS we got today, you dont even need to be married to share your health insurance.  just register as "Domestic partners"

you dont need a printed slip of paper costing 80-100$ to be committed to a person.  that paper doesnt guarantee they are committed to you does it?

[Gisser]

Should be fun while it lasts.  If that's a lifetime, great, but don't make the mistake of your lifetime.  You can throw her a bone in the pre-nup that'll smooth the way.

[callmelenny]

People get married for much worse reasons than this.

Do you know what her feelings about kids are? That can cause problems later plus you are screwing around with innocent people's live then.

[That guy]

Hey man thats rad! Think of the saying , "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all." Besides..If you guys dont end up falling in love, who said you couldnt be good friends? Hell id do that for a friend if i wasnt considering marrying someone anytime soon. It sure is nice of you. She should feel REAL lucky that she knows a good person that is willing to basically/literally change her life forever.  PARTY ON man!

now excuse me while i visit this page :lol:

[oppy00]

Honestly, you seem to have thought this out pretty well.  Sure it is FAST, but big F'ing deal.  Pre-nup is a good idea, though.  Hell, if you think it shows lack of trust have her help you make it.  Just make sure you get the GS if the poo hits the fan   .  Call I love YOU or Dad or a good friend (someone who knows you REALLY well) ask their advice.

Oh, and give me her sister's number :lol: .    Seriously, though, her sister's number.

[davipu]

russianbrides.com is better.  they have boob pics.

[Roadstergal]

A prenup is probably a good idea, I just have this idea that it signals a lack of trust in your partner.

That's like saying a passenger wearing gear signals a lack of trust in the rider.  Sheeot happens, and it's better to have plans laid before in case it does.  Hope for the best, and plan for the worst.

[RVertigo]

Absolutely get a pre-nup...  No Question...

But...

Maybe I'm just old fashion, but I don't think marriage is something you do "just 'cause."  To me, it's a life-long commitment to your partner and your marriage...

But, I guess you could just leave out the "'til death to us part" stuff and jump into it like it means nothing at all...  That's what most people do. :dunno:

[oppy00]

So, are can I get her sister's number, or am I beating a dead horse?

[pizzleboy]

The biggest mistake you can make is to miss the opportunity to live.  Go for it man, don't look back.

I agree with this statement, however, I also think (IMHO) that people in general do not take their wedding commiments seriously.  The divorce rate is skyrocketting.  Why?  Because you can do it so easily.  Marriage is almost being treated as trendy.

Of course this isn't alwyas the case.  I only post this comment because you asked for opinions.

Good luck, and I hope you don't become a statistic.

[MstrsLilBrat]

First of all, Congrats!
But I will be a mean one.
"Idiot" (Sorry.. I have to say that.)

Well... an each person is entitled to have a different opinion, so here is my opinion.

According to your thread, I assume you rarely know about her, and you want to get married?!
I just cannot imagine that people marry without knowing each other well, but phone/email. What do you really know about her? You know about her family? Her idea of marriage, kids, goal, dream... etc. Do you know exactly what she wants? vice versa
Maybe Love is everything for you, but sometimes it takes time to understand a different culture/custom if you want to marry a foreigner. I am a foreigner in the US also, so I know that!!
It is very difficult to understand others even though s/he is a same nationality because everyone is raised up with a different parents/family. So, imagine that, if s/he were a foreigner....
Can't you wait to get married until you guys really think a marriage is the right for you guys?
And besides, like everyone agrees, me, personaly, I won't marry with the guy who makes a pre-nup... 'Cause he is already thinking about divorce before we get married!

I am working at an Immigration law firm, and I pretty much know about Immigration law. As I read your thread, you have no idea about the law. For ex., She can stay and married without going back to her country even her F-1 visa expired. She can even divorce before the 2 years from the marriage. etc etc........ (You want to know more about secret?! We will have a consultation for you. Oh but of course we charge the consultation... LOL)
Moreover, I saw many people get married because of a greencard. I am not saying your girl is the one.

Oh well, follow your heart! Do what makes you happy!
But if you have a doubt about what you do/will, probably you shouldn't?!

Hope everything will be fine.
*Brat*

[Gisser]

And besides, like everyone agrees, me, personaly, I won't marry with the guy who makes a pre-nup... 'Cause he is already thinking about divorce before we get married!
*Brat*

Fine!  We'll just live in sin!

But, seriously, I wouldn't float that line until you're sure you've got him by the balls.

[The Lazy Destroyer]

If we divorce before that she gets sent back to Bulgaria.

You have leverage on the relationship. More than most guys do at least. If she's hot and seems cool, go for it. Worst case she pisses you off and you kick her out of the country. Win-win.