Can some shop please start carrying these...

[jbeaber]

Ben Hur Axle Kit #2RIDE

Don't risk road rage retaliations after kicking some jerk's car door. In .01
second four 'Ben Hur' cutting points can turn your bike into a scary,
effective weapon against lane crowding. Menacing diamond tipped titanium
blades counterspin at thirty five times the motorcycle wheel's rotation,
driven by permanently lubricated internal planetary gears. Fully retracted
they're undetectable. The breakthrough is a powerful internal gyroscope that
creates stability and insures confidence during operation. A safety
interlock on the low profile handlebar switch prevents inadvertent actuation
when lane splitting, parked or leaned over in turns. You cannot screw up
using this active deterrent against lane encroachment. Order as a 'hub only'
kit and lace up your own spoked wheels or built into an attractive 'bolt on'
PM spun aluminum wheel for immediate use. Made in Australia by Boring Dan's
Biker Defenses Ltd. Note: the 'Parade of Lights' spinner conversion is
available only for Gold Wing's. Specify bike make and year.

Coolness Emulator #FUN

Will allow you to interact more normally with various biker microcultures.
Using forced-fractal image projection and high-speed clue building database
recognition, this ex-black ops military technology is now available to the
motorcyclist. Cross-microcultural stealth is now yours! For example, drive
your ratty, high-mileage dual sport to a Ducatisti meeting, and the
rapid-compilation 'clue building' software quickly (.02 secs) averages a
'look' for you and your machine, cloaking you via forced-fractal projection
into an innocuous moto-conformist. Your bike will blend in, and so will you,
allowing you to look at bikes, mingle, and not be harassed or snubbed. Look
in a rearview mirror and behold yourself resplendent in a Vanson jacket and
a Blues Brothers mini chin beard. No one will know! Comes with one scanner
and two image projectors (one for you, one for your bike). An add-on audio
emulator is available for $380.00 for the ultimate in stealth. Cruise the
main street of Sturgis, and your duct-taped Helix becomes a throbbing Fat
Bob. Do be careful around Shriner parades and mopeds. Satisfaction or your
money back.

Dummy Kickstart Lever (El hombre est macho.) #2AGES

Looks real, kicks real....and provides a convincing demonstration of your
experienced-biker street creds. The precision CNC made lever features a
stiff spring arm return and the correct ratchet/return sound effect. Easily
mounts directly to most engines using a temperature resistant, super strong
adhesive. A hidden solenoid is included which may be connected to activate
your machines electric starter for ultimate start-em-up realism. Nicely
detailed folding rubber kick arm with boot gripping pattern. The Dummy
Kickstart Lever is guaranteed to amuse them at any touring rally, especially
if it's attached to a Gold Wing. It's also funny for going through 'tech' at
any club's roadrace event. Chrome finish and black rubber. Batteries not
included. (Note: For H-D applications please contact your local Harley parts
distributor. This item is actually available as a direct bolt-on accessory
for all Evo engines.)

EMP Cell Phone Eliminator #2YOU

Military anti-missile system technology. We bought the Electro Magnetic
Pulse technology and had a leading lab downsize the design so that the same
technology used to bring down a missile can now be yours to 'cook' the
circuitry in a cell phone. One touch of a button sends out a powerful
elecro-magnetic pulse wave that fries the circuitry in a cell phone
instantly, forcing the errant four wheeler's occupant to concentrate on more
mundane duties, like driving. Leaves them completely baffled. Utterly
undetectable. Requires a flux capacitor, and alternator output of
600 watts. Special order only. Range is up to 30 feet. From Stubbco.

Note on Cell Phone Eliminator: Study by Dr Donald Redelmeyer, U of Toronto,
Published in the New England Journal of Medicine. Cross matched cell phone
call and car accident records. Found people using cell phones while driving
were 4.3 times as likely to be involved in an accident. This is about the
same as driving while drunk. (The public's desire for telephony while
driving, but also minimizing the safety risks that are inherent will, in the
future, help support implementation of intelligent transportation systems.)

Invisible Milk Crate #RIN

C'mon admit it. If you didn't have one of these things strapped to the rack
of your UJM back in the 70's you at least thought about it. Or knew someone
who did. And think now-who got to go on the beer/brat/laundry run? And
always had a frisbee or baseball mitt and a sweater handy? Not so dumb was
it? Return to those halcyon days of unmatched utility but with none of the
klugy connotations and dorky looks. This byproduct of our embryonic missle
defence initiative features an electrodynamic submolecular wire-frame
structural grid projection system which describes a cubic area roughly the
equivalent of the good 'ol stole-it-from-behind-the-convienience-store
milkcrate. The containment envelope can be varied from the size of a
grapefruit to approximately 3'x3'x3' but the largest setting could be hard
on your alternator as the amp draw escalates rapidly. The grid projection
unit measures 1.5" x 5".

Maximum Security Helmet #INGB

Direct from police riot control and pro hockey (pro hockey ?), this helmet's
shield is overlaid with steel bars for protection and intimidation. This
riot and correctional institute technology trumps even the fanciest race rep
helmet's decorative paint job. The menacing steel grillwork assures safe
passage through the most apocalyptic Mad Max wastelands and impoverished
countries...and local urban slums. Flow through vents keep you cool, even
when you're hyperventilating. If you live in a gated luxury community and
ride a big adventure bike with a metal guard over the headlight...or if your
cage is a Range Rover with ARB nerf bumper overriders, then this is your
helmet. Ride through the valley of death, or look ready to. Meets or exceeds
all DOT, Snell and Motion Picture Stuntman Association Standards. Size s-xl.
Black.

Police Eliminator #1CHA

Enforcement vehicles with speed measuring devices disappear just before you
approach, then reappear after you pass. Officers are unharmed and unaware
they have briefly visited a parallel universe. Enjoy your high speed riding
in total security and confidence. Fade-outs resemble the transporter effects
in sci-fi TV and films, but sub-atomic sidereal phase shifting chilled laser
technology makes it work. The Police Eliminator is the result of a top
secret Pentagon contractor's recent conversion to civilian products.
Availability is very limited. Effective on all types of speed measuring
personnel/equipment. Range is adjustable up to 2 miles. Fits in most tank
bags. Legal in 42 states and Canada. Weight, 6.8 lbs. Colors: putty, white,
or black.

Warning: Reversing the polarity on hookup produces a dangerous stealth side
effect. You and your bike become invisible for a few moments as you approach
police units. Unless your interdimensional kinetic trajectory is within
.0047 L's, you can phase back in the wrong lane or find yourself riding into
a ditch.

Undo Workshop Switch #ORE

You're reefing on an engine case bolt when suddenly 'Snap'... the wrench
lets go and the f'n (Allen/bolt/torx/whatever) head shears clean off. Lucky
you weren't killed. Or the screwdriver you are forcing unexpectedly skates
across that freshly painted frame leaving a deep and ugly gouge. Do you
throw that bad tool across the garage while screaming in frustration? Not
anymore with an Undo Workshop Switch. Reach for the Undo lying in your
toolbox. It looks just like a TV remote but works like the undo key on a PC.
Fits in any size toolbox. Just press the button and there is an intense
flash of light... Open your eyes and everything's back to the way it was
just moments before. How does it work? Psion emitters. At least thats what
the label on the bottom says: "Keep fingers clear of Psion emitters". Beyond
that, we haven't any idea. Requires 4AA batteries (not included). From Tezla
Industries.

Analog GPS #THGO

Take your batteries and slavish dependence on other high-tech flummery and
heave it overboard. With this device, you can pinpoint your location
anywhere on earth and not be reliant on dodgy bits of information being
projected through the ether by divers black arts. Precision constructed of
brass and the finest optics available and featuring premium isinglass sun
filters, it is compact and rugged enough for the adventurous motor-cyclist.
Mounts for 7/8" and 1" bars are included, as is a fitted, velvet lined
rosewood storage case. Not included are required declination charts (call
for details) or the extremely accurate watch you are going to need to use
this thing. Meets R.N. standard 3329-5 of 1787.

[scratch]

   Priceless

[Codger]

Blasphemy.
If we could accept new technology, do you think we would be riding GSs.

[scratch]

The GS is like a dead horse, we just need better way of riding it (see: http://gstwins.com/gsboard/index.php?topic=25914.msg271265#msg271265).  I believe these products will help (enhance the experience).

[Egaeus]

Undo Workshop Switch?  I'll take a dozen.