now what

[frankieG]

i just do not know what to do.  for a control freak like me this sucks big time.  i am just getting over being sick for the better part of two years then BAM ma has a stroke.  she can not drive she is having trouble communicating and is pissing herself...literally.  i am only 44 years old but i don't know how to deal with this how to go on.  as the oldest son is this now my responsibility, will i have my own life or will i be trapped taking care of my mother.  honestly guys i just don't know what to do or what is going to happen with mine or ma's life.

[trumpetguy]

Life sucks at times but you will find the strength within you to do what needs to be done.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  Other people have faced this before -- there are care-giver support groups and one of those folks may know of some resources for help.

Hang in there, Frankie.

[DrtRydr23]

Depending on the level of assistance she needs, you should seriously consider a Skilled Nursing Facility for her.  If you're finishing up chemo and she needs 24 hour care, you probably won't have the stamina to do things for her all the time.  Also, if you are working you won't be able to physically be there for her.  If your other sibling/s will help it is doable, but if you're in it solo then you'll need some kind of help.  Home health nurses can be great if you don't like the idea of a facility.  I don't know how severe her stroke was, but if she has a lot of physical and cognitive deficits she'll probably need more care than you can realistically provide.  Insurance will usually cover things like home health nurses or SNF's.  Medicare definitely will.

[yamahonkawazuki]

frankie i AM in your position ( minus the cancer atm) so i DO know what youre goin through. what everyone has said so far bears looking into. as her " primary support person" youve got to step up, if you cant, dont let her see you gettin frayed . THAT murders teh self esteem. if youve got to enlist outside help, have a good talk with her. she'll understand. my thoughts, and prayers are with you and I love YOU