Need some serious advice

lilbill · August 13, 2008, 08:20:20 PM

First off, thanks for all of the help...don't feel obligated to reply to this but I would appreciate it.

So, I am supposed to leave tomorrow night for a vacation with my girlfriend and another couple. My grandfather has been suffering with incurable cancer for a few months now and has finally hit rock bottom, tonight. The nurses and doctors (he's at home in HOSPICE care) say that he has 1-3 days tops and probably less to live, but no one is certain (he's currently in a coma state). Now, we have not been as close during the past 5 or so years, just to highlight the situation.

Now my immediate reaction is to stay with may grandma (his wife) and my dad (his son) for what seems inevitable and to stay with my gramps. But, if I choose to stay home from the trip it turns out that nobody is willing to go and I just screwed everyone out of their money and a great time and they are all mad that I don't see where they are coming from etc. etc.

What would you do?

Thanks,
lilbill

Jughead · August 13, 2008, 08:37:25 PM

Bill they should Understand the Situation.Your Family needs you to be there.

GeeP · August 13, 2008, 09:57:49 PM

Your grandfather may be on his deathbed. If the other people can't understand that, that's their problem.

Support your family, because at the end of the day that's all you have.

As a sidenote, I've found that my gut reaction is usually, but not always, correct.

PuddleJumper · August 13, 2008, 10:04:26 PM

FAMILY.

Always family. If your GF is a true keeper, she will stand by you.

If your friends don't stand by you, then they aren't true friends.

Even if you weren't close to your gandpa, you will regret not being there for him, It's the

right thing to do. Just my .02 cents worth.

BeSafe
PJ

lilbill · August 13, 2008, 10:20:28 PM

Thanks for the quick replies folks...I really appreciate them.

We indeed have a great forum here which allows us to discuss even the most serious of topics.

yamahonkawazuki · August 13, 2008, 10:37:36 PM

Quote from: lilbill on August 13, 2008, 08:20:20 PM
First off, thanks for all of the help...don't feel obligated to reply to this but I would appreciate it.

So, I am supposed to leave tomorrow night for a vacation with my girlfriend and another couple. My grandfather has been suffering with incurable cancer for a few months now and has finally hit rock bottom, tonight. The nurses and doctors (he's at home in HOSPICE care) say that he has 1-3 days tops and probably less to live, but no one is certain (he's currently in a coma state). Now, we have not been as close during the past 5 or so years, just to highlight the situation.

Now my immediate reaction is to stay with may grandma (his wife) and my dad (his son) for what seems inevitable and to stay with my gramps. But, if I choose to stay home from the trip it turns out that nobody is willing to go and I just screwed everyone out of their money and a great time and they are all mad that I don't see where they are coming from etc. etc.

What would you do?

Thanks,
lilbill

to be blunt man, f%$k THEM, if they dont understand family, then they just dont get it. vacations can happen again, grandparents only happen once , btw my condolences man

lilbill · August 14, 2008, 07:53:41 AM

Thanks for all of the advice...you're all spot on. My Gramps made the decision for me today, he passed around 10:00 AM EST.

To echo Frankie's thread, this is really a great community

to you and

to my grandpa!

bettingpython · August 14, 2008, 08:42:45 AM

Sorry for your loss my friend. Best wishes to you and your family during a difficult time.

Josh

bombadillo · August 14, 2008, 10:06:18 AM

you don't want to ask me, because I used to be an embalmer and have seen more of this than anyone on this board so I am a bit jaded, but I may be the wrench in there and say to go for the vacation. A) you've already paid for the trip, depending on how serious this girlfriend is, if its near marriage it may be a way to get your mind off of the situation. B) I can tell you out of experience, that you're only going to be sitting there in a mourning state with family and there is going to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that you can truly do other than to be there. C) You don't know for sure when he is going to pass away as he doesn't have an expiration date on the bottom of his foot. He may be around another few weeks, it may be a day. I'm just throwing some reality to the situation, and your pocket book. I'm not trying to be some hard-nosed jerk who isn't there for my family, because they all know to call me first when somethings going on, but again just throwing a bit of truth from experience in there for you. I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa as mine just died a little while back and know how it feels, and I know you'll make the right decision for yourself one way or the other.

frankieG · August 14, 2008, 10:43:03 AM

i have been the one on the death bed a few times. i would rather my friends and family were having a great time than sitting around waiting for me to die.

PuddleJumper · August 14, 2008, 01:52:49 PM

I'm sorry to hear of your loss Lilbill,

My thoughts are with you and your family.

All my Grandparents are gone now, But I treasure the time I spent with them.

R.I.P. Lilbill's Grandpa.

BeSafe
PJ

Kasumi · August 14, 2008, 03:25:14 PM

Quote from: bombadillo on August 14, 2008, 10:06:18 AM
you don't want to ask me, because I used to be an embalmer and have seen more of this than anyone on this board so I am a bit jaded, but I may be the wrench in there and say to go for the vacation. A) you've already paid for the trip, depending on how serious this girlfriend is, if its near marriage it may be a way to get your mind off of the situation. B) I can tell you out of experience, that you're only going to be sitting there in a mourning state with family and there is going to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING that you can truly do other than to be there. C) You don't know for sure when he is going to pass away as he doesn't have an expiration date on the bottom of his foot. He may be around another few weeks, it may be a day. I'm just throwing some reality to the situation, and your pocket book. I'm not trying to be some hard-nosed jerk who isn't there for my family, because they all know to call me first when somethings going on, but again just throwing a bit of truth from experience in there for you. I'm sorry to hear about your grandpa as mine just died a little while back and know how it feels, and I know you'll make the right decision for yourself one way or the other.

Quote from: frankieG on August 14, 2008, 10:43:03 AM
i have been the one on the death bed a few times. i would rather my friends and family were having a great time than sitting around waiting for me to die.

I see both sides of this. It depends on your situation but im glad that bombadillo and frankie put the other side in too. Each of us has our own situation, if your close to your family, not close, if they already have support, if its better if i you go. Personally i wouldn't of been able to advise you what to do, just give you both sides, it is truely something only you could choose. I know the decisions been made but its important that for future everyone gets to see this from both sides.

I embrace death as 100% of life, it happens, when times up times up. Il be there to support if needed, if theres nothing i can do well il support whatever else i have going on (in this case going with your gf). Important to remember whatever decision is made your friends and GF should support you 100%. Whether you chose to go or not they shouldn't be telling you what to do.

The Buddha · August 14, 2008, 04:21:23 PM

I am totally torn ...
With one grampa (who is currently 98 ...) I'd definetly stay with him.
With the other one (died in 78-79) I'd definetly go with the GF. or alone ... or just stay away.
Sorry for your loss. Heaven has a nice place for good grampa's.
Cool.
Buddha.

yamahonkawazuki · August 14, 2008, 09:59:50 PM

Quote from: The Buddha on August 14, 2008, 04:21:23 PM
I am totally torn ...
With one grampa (who is currently 98 ...) I'd definetly stay with him.
With the other one (died in 78-79) I'd definetly go with the GF. or alone ... or just stay away.
Sorry for your loss. Heaven has a nice place for good grampa's.
Cool.
Buddha.

yes it does buddha, yes indeed

Chokstick · August 15, 2008, 12:33:12 AM

I agree with Kasumi...every situation is different. Do what you feel is right. Sorry for you loss.

lilbill · August 18, 2008, 09:28:32 AM

I truly appreciate the advice and the condolences...it means a great deal. I ended up going for a couple of days since the services were delayed for my cousin to get to town and am now back with the fam.

He was a great guy!!

So

to all of you again and to life!

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Need some serious advice