lmao CL personals ( true or not. still a good read)

[yamahonkawazuki]

Posted to Craig's List Personals:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in

Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 AM EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I

hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.



I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after

you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that

evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.



You see, my girlfriend had

just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas,

and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.

Beautiful pistol, eh?



It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at

your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun

walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge

flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you

also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I

couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try

to mug us again.



I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma"

as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your

situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas

station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy

with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go

Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.   



I threw the wallet

in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the

windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side.  I called a

bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your

bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down

the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so

I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't

permanently cut off your service.



I could only get in two threatening

phone calls to the DA 's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy

was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).   



I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead

making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll

reconsider your choice of path in life.. Next time you might not be so lucky..



- Alex



P.S. Remember this motto......  an armed society is a polite society! 

[ohgood]

fantastic !

carrying is always a comfort !

[brickerenator]

It was believable until about halfway through.

But still hilarious

[shiznizbiz]

lmao!  thats great stuff

[natedawg120]

ROFL, well if someone tries to rob you with a knife and you have a gun that says no don't you have to rob them back

[bill14224]

Brickernator's thought is the same as mine.  It was believable until halfway through, when it started sounding like a screenplay, like those "true stories" our friends fill-up our email boxes with.  These "true stories" are written by people who don't understand where the line of believability is.  Believability goes out the window in this case because no one remembers that level of detail in a stressful situation, then he embellishes further from there.

We all have at least one friend like that, don't we?  You ask them not to forward every stupid guardian angel email to you that they get, but they keep coming.  You don't want to end the friendship over it, so you grin and bear it.  Along with each email comes their entire contact list.  You cringe at their naivity and keep deleting them.

I would guess this story was written by someone who got mugged, wished he had a gun, and is having revenge fantasies.

[Paulcet]

We all have at least one friend like that, don't we?  You ask them not to forward every stupid guardian angel email to you that they get, but they keep coming.  You don't want to end the friendship over it, so you grin and bear it.  Along with each email comes their entire contact list.  You cringe at their naivity and keep deleting them.

I have begun to reply to those messages with this parting shot:  "If you get an e-mail telling you to forward it to every one you know, pretend you don't know me."