And then the fight started

[yamahonkawazuki]

AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED



My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping  channels. She

asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said,  'Dust.'



And then the fight  started...



******************************************

My  wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we  were

in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have  sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final  answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying,  "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."



And  then the fight  started....



******************************************

Saturday  morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed

the  dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up  to

the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.  The

wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned  on the

radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all  day.



I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped  back into

bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different  anticipation,

and whispered, "The weather out there is  terrible."



My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe  my stupid husband

is out fishing in that?"



And that's  how the fight  started...



******************************************

I  rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road

and  slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes

you  just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,

well I  couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!



He stormed over to my  car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!"



So, I  looked down at him and said, "Well, then which one are  you?"



And then the fight  started.....



*****************************************

My  wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming  anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150  in about 3

seconds.'



I bought her a  scale.



And then the fight  started...



******************************************

When  I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her  someplace

expensive...

so, I took her to a gas  station.



And then the fight  started...



*****************************************

After  retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for  Social

Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's  license

to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had  left my

wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I  would have

to go home and come back later.



The woman  said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my

curly  silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof

enough  for me' and she processed my Social Security application



When I  got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the

Social  Security office.



She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.  You might have gotten

disability, too.'



And then the  fight started....

******************************************

My  wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and  I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at  a

nearby table.



My wife asked, 'Do you know  her?'



'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand  she took to

drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and  I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'



'My God!' says my  wife, 'who would think a person could go on

celebrating that  long?'



And then the fight  started...



******************************************

I  took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took  my

order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,  please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah,  she can order for herself."



And then the fight  started...



******************************************

A  woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She is not happy  with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel

horrible; I look  old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a  compliment.'



The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near  perfect.'



And then the fight  started.....*

[Affschnozel]

HA HA , spot on each one ! 

[bucks1605]

Those are great, I can't wait for the opportunity to use one in real life. 

[cafeboy]

I just did use one and they work. 

[bucks1605]

I just did use one and they work. 

hahaaha, "and they work.  " That's hilarious.

[utgunslinger13]

Gotta know which one you used!

[cafeboy]

Dust on the TV. 

[utgunslinger13]

HAHAHAHAHAH thats awesome.

[cafeboy]

Not from where I stand (with a can of pledge and a duster in my hands)