o my god!!!????

[spaz]

bit OT but still much fun:

The next time you have a problem with customer service or any other business
and decide to voice your complaint in a written piece of correspondence, I
submit this example of a "Flame letter" from a couple in the UK for your
consideration...........


The British have computer problems, too ...

What follows is a superb example of British humor in a letter that was
truly written and sent. The piece suggests two things:

1) Americans and Canadians are not the only ones who get poor service
from their ISP, cable and/or alarm companies. (NTL is a cable
operator in Britain.)

2) The Brits appear to get a better education than most, enabling
them to write some fine letters of complaint.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Cretins...

I have been an NTL customer since 9th July 2001, when I signed up for
your four-in-one deal for cable TV, cable modem, telephone, and alarm
monitoring.

During this three-month period I have encountered inadequacy of
service which I had not previously considered possible, as well as
ignorance and stupidity of monolithic proportions. Please allow me to
provide specific details, so that you can either pursue your
professional prerogative, and seek to rectify these difficulties --
or more likely (I suspect) so that you can have some entertaining
reading material as you while away the working day smoking B&H and
drinking vendor-coffee on the bog in your office.

My initial installation was cancelled without warning, resulting in
my spending an entire Saturday sitting on my fat arse waiting for
your technician to arrive. When he did not arrive, I spent a further
57 minutes listening to your infuriating hold music, and the even
more annoying Scottish robot woman telling me to look at your helpful
website. HOW? I alleviated the boredom by playing with my testicles
for a few minutes -- an activity at which you are no-doubt both
familiar and highly adept.

The rescheduled installation then took place some two weeks later,
although the technician did forget to bring a number of vital
tools-such as a drill-bit, and his cerebrum.

Two weeks later, my cable modem had still not arrived. After 15
telephone calls over four weeks my modem arrived, six weeks after I
had requested it, and begun to pay for it.

I estimate your internet server's downtime is roughly 35% -- the
hours between about 6 pm and midnight, Monday through Friday, and
most of the weekend.

I am still waiting for my telephone connection.

I have made nine calls on my mobile to your no-help line, and have
been unhelpfully transferred to a variety of disinterested
individuals who are, it seems, also highly skilled bollock jugglers.

I have been informed that a telephone line is available (and someone
will call me back); that I will be transferred to someone who knows
whether or not a telephone line is available (and then been cut off);
that I will be transferred to someone (and then been redirected to an
answering machine informing me that your office is closed); that I
will be transferred to someone and then been redirected to the
irritating Scottish robot woman. And several other variations on this
theme.

Doubtless you are no longer reading this letter, as you have at least
a thousand other dissatisfied customers to ignore, and also another
one of those crucially important testicle moments to attend to.

Frankly I don't care. It's far more satisfying as a customer to voice
my frustrations in print than to shout them at your unending hold
music. Forgive me, therefore, if I continue.

I thought British Telecom was shaZam!; that they had attained the holy
piss-pot of god-awful customer relations; and that no one, anywhere,
ever, could be more disinterested, less helpful or more obstructive
to delivering service to their customers. That's why I chose NTL, and
because, well, there isn't anyone else is there? How surprised I
therefore was, when I discovered to my considerable dissatisfaction
and disappointment what a useless shower of bastards you truly are.
You are sputum-filled pieces of distended rectum incompetents of the
highest order. BT -- wankers though they are -- shine like brilliant
beacons of success in the filthy mire of your seemingly limitless
inadequacy.

Suffice to say that I have now given up on my futile and foolhardy
quest to receive any kind of service from you. I suggest that you
cease any potential future attempts to extort payment from me for the
services which you have so pointedly and catastrophically failed to
deliver. Any such activity will be greeted initially with hilarity
and disbelief and will quickly be replaced by derision, and even
perhaps bemused rage.

I enclose two small deposits, selected with great care from my cat's
litter tray, as an expression of my utter and complete contempt for
both you and your pointless company. I sincerely hope that they have
not become dessicated during transit -- they were satisfyingly moist
at the time of posting, and I would feel considerable disappointment
if you did not experience both their rich aroma and delicate texture.
Consider them the very embodiment of my feelings towards NTL, and its
worthless employees.

Have a nice day. May it be the last in your miserable short life, you
irritatingly incompetent and infuriatingly unhelpful bunch of twits.

[Moose]

I love it, that was truly hilarious.   :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  They came out with words that truly could desribe the disgust that people have with the utility companies.  

[Cris]

 :lol:    :lol:
Very British in tone indeed. That brash, witty sarcasm...

[96gs]

i thought it was talkin bout my bike. i was bout to get flamed over it to. i love my big "rustbucket".

[Rashad]

Hehe... good one..

I could have sworn i was gonna see a pic of my V&H headers!!

[yamahonkawazuki]

CANT WE ALL JUST GET ABONG?

. :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:  :nana:

[ScottWV]

Well, I know there's some rust on the frame, but I'm going to fix it soon...  :lol:

[Rema1000]

[Rema1000]

I could have sworn i was gonna see a pic of my V&H headers!!

For reference, here's the pic he (and I ) expected to see:



I have nightmares about those things, like maybe that rust is contaigous.  
Rashad, if I sent you some repainted stock headers, would you promise to replace those rusty ones?!  (probably not, if you've got V&H! oh, well.)

[JohNLA]

I have nightmares about those things, like maybe that rust is contaigous.  
quote]
 :lol:  :lol:   Good one

[Fastdog]

I was getting ready to open a big can of you know what!!!!!  

[john]

You are such a joker  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[yamahonkawazuki]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this users bike looks like a big rustbucket  

where's the link, this goes somewhere else

[Moose]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this users bike looks like a big rustbucket  

where's the link, this goes somewhere else

Don't you know it points to your bike :nana:  :nana:  :nana:  J/K Just so everyone know, in case you don't realize it by now the link is meant to pull up your edit profile.   :mrgreen:  :mrgreen:

[yamahonkawazuki]

yeah, i know that i did not know whether it went to my bike, or made my profile accessible to another. :mrgreen: then i was sittin here, thinkin hey mine is not that rusty (yet), cept for the bolts on the frame :lol:  :lol: