a question , rather serious

[yamahonkawazuki]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4M4S_bEteEo

I lost my mother january the 15th we almost had our birthday dinner together. but no. after that i wasnt in the mood to do anythign, didnt get anythign nor ask for it. that aside, since her death, ive not grieved like most people do. i went to work that afternoon. she passed at 0300. i was at work at 1600. ive shed a few tears, but not grieved liek msot would. doctor has me on pain meds for back and kidneys, muscles and who knows whatelse. that may be affectign my EMO levels. but im 100% in control of my body. is it normal NOT to mourn someones passing? heh im kinda worried, if it hasnt hit yet, and it will, im worried about when it does tbh. anyone else been there, and went through that?

[Caffeine]

It took me 6 years when my grandmother died.   I barely shed a tear, although the loss was very profound.   Then I ran across some pictures one day and it just hit me like a truck.  Started bawling and just couldn't stop for an hour.

Everyone is different, and you'll grieve for everyone in a different way.   It's a pretty huge loss to lose a parent --  your brain is still taking it all in.   It will come.   It will come.   

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.   My father passed (slowly, cancer) 15 years ago.  It was kind of a blessing because we had time to really clear the air and get rid of a lot of baggage we both had.   We got to be friends again.  He was in a lot of pain at the end and when he finally went, it was such a huge relief.   I didn't cry that much, but I didn't really need to by that point.   It's like we had done our crying before he died.

[tt_four]

First of all, sorry to hear that.

I wouldn't say it's ideal, but it's only been a week, it definitely doesn't sound odd to me that it hasn't hit you yet. You can accidentally cut your self really bad and look at it for almost 30 seconds thinking "wow, this should really hurt" before your brain stops doing you a favor and lets all the pain through. It's just your way of coping with it. If you weren't expecting this long terms, it's going to be especially hard for your brain to process. Some people will break down the instant someone passes away, and some people are affected much slower. It may slowly build up a little bit more each holiday and birthday that comes by when you realize she's not there. You can at least take this time to try to mentally prepare yourself, similar to how Caffeine said that it wasn't as hard when his father passed, because they had time to prepare. Now that you know your mother has passed, and the shock hasn't worn off yet, you can at least work through some mental stuff before it all really sinks in.

Hope everything goes alright

[annguyen1981]

Dude...  when I was chatting with you on AIM this past Sunday (the 17th), I didn't realize that when you said you inherited her watch when she passed away, I didn't realize she JUST recently passed.  I'm so sorry for your loss. 

[jhutch2115]

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother; I lost my Father last March. I am a Masters Level Social Worker who has happened to have worked in a Skilled Nursing facility, and Knew about 45 people who died in a year and a half.  Loss is a personal and profound experience for which is different for each person and for each individual relationship that we have. There is no right or wrong way to grieve! You may grieve one way for one person and another way for someone else. What you are experienceing is not abnormal, it is way that you are coping right now with the loss of your Mother. Best wishes -- Jim

[The Buddha]

When my dad died in 90 it hit me almost immediately ...
My grandpa died in July 09, it seems to have had very little impact, likely it will hit when I go to India to his house.
I cant imagine what is happenign in your head, but I will let it work its way and not worry about it too much.

Cool.
Buddha.

[yamahonkawazuki]

Indeed. am selling the power wheelchair, and hoyer lift maybe tomorrow. ive no use for them, i had purchased those a few years back for her

[vtlion]

sorry to hear about your loss 

Grief is a very personal and complicated thing.  Just be true to what you are feeling and you really can't do it wrong.

[Cal Price]

Very sorry to hear about your loss.

There are no rules and no right or wrong way to deal with such things. In recent years I have lost both parents and my wife, every one of those events affected me in very different ways.
The one constant that I have learned is that despite lots of well meaning assurances I did not "get over" it but mercifully I got used to it and the pain and any negatives, "what-ifs" etc, do fade away in time.

[yamahonkawazuki]

i slept the last few nights on her hospital bed at home, and daily ive caught myself walking in to ask if she needed anythign before i left

[Caffeine]

i slept the last few nights on her hospital bed at home, and daily ive caught myself walking in to ask if she needed anythign before i left

I was 10 when my grandmother died (very suddenly).  She was the center of our extended family, and my grandparents lived a block away from us (exactly halfway between our house and school, so we passed right by her house every day).  It was weird after she died to have to walk past her house  -- some days I just wished so hard that she was still there.   My grandfather sold the house and moved out  within a few months.   It was weird to walk past it as a kid and have to stop myself from opening the front gate and walking up to the door.  It was also strange how it seemed like our whole family started to scatter around once she was gone.   We never had another big holiday gathering after she died.

That same year, my mom got married to a guy that turned out to be a real @$$hole.  Looking back, we know that if our grandmother had not died when she did, she would have stopped my mom from marrying the @$$hole.   She could "read" people like a damn book!  You could not BS the woman!  LOL

[yamahonkawazuki]

i slept the last few nights on her hospital bed at home, and daily ive caught myself walking in to ask if she needed anythign before i left

I was 10 when my grandmother died (very suddenly).  She was the center of our extended family, and my grandparents lived a block away from us (exactly halfway between our house and school, so we passed right by her house every day).  It was weird after she died to have to walk past her house  -- some days I just wished so hard that she was still there.   My grandfather sold the house and moved out  within a few months.   It was weird to walk past it as a kid and have to stop myself from opening the front gate and walking up to the door.  It was also strange how it seemed like our whole family started to scatter around once she was gone.   We never had another big holiday gathering after she died.

That same year, my mom got married to a guy that turned out to be a real @$$hole.  Looking back, we know that if our grandmother had not died when she did, she would have stopped my mom from marrying the @$$hole.   She could "read" people like a damn book!  You could not BS the woman!  LOL

My grandmother was the EXACT same way, mom as well. came from the german side of our family, coupled wiht teh norwegian side, was a pretty cool combination, a stubborn person you could NOT pull on e over on