Loneliness

[scratch]

The devastation is only outside my heart
The loneliness, the failure
I live on, but only why?
What hope do I have that carries me forward?
What light in the darkness lights my way?
I stumble, I falter
I trip on roadside tendrils of black trees stark against a starlit sky.
I am empty, alone
Save my heart
"Save my heart!" I cry out, for my heart cannot
My heart yearns in silence for life, for love
It keeps pumping, its mechanical throbbing in my chest.
A warmth of hope.
My unseen friend at night.
Unlike my crown that covers me, keeps my neck warm, keeps the sun from burning my face, trusses that fall into sight
I gather myself to myself for life.
If only, if only I had an answer
A voice to call me, to name me
To call me back to life

[yamahonkawazuki]

oye sounds like my life at this point lol  you ought to put these into print my friend 

[mister]

O'oh... your lady friend and you parted ways? Dang dude...

Let me tell you a story...

Fellow gets married. Say around 20. Wife the same age. At 22 she is diagnosed with some type of hideous cancer and doesn't make it to 23. In hospital dying she says to her husband that he should find himself another woman, cause he is too special/precious to not share himself with another. Her mother (his mother in law) is fine with that.

He tries. But he cannot find another that will let him be him, like his wife did. He finds plenty that want him to be how They want him to be. He finds others who seem to view him as some kind of life-support system for their offspring to previous partners. And he understands a tendency to Compare others to his wife and tries to not do that, cause he knows they cannot compete with a ghost. But alas, he is unable to find another.

He comes to the conclusion that there was only one whom was truly worthy of having a piece of himself and she is no longer present, bar in his memory when he so chooses. And after many many years opts, instead, to remain single. He still visits his mother-in-law and it has been some 30+ years since his wife departed and left her shell behind.

Once he stopped focusing on what he didn't have. And realized he was here to live His life for himself, he was more able to get on with that task. And today is one of the most stable, content fellows I work with. We have many similar interests not shared by our co-workers so we are thought of as "odd". And maybe it's our similarities that allow us to relate so well. But when I look around and see how many people have Relationship Issues, I conclude that perhaps single is the preferred option for greater peace of mind and lack of tension and stress in your life.

Anyway. Just wanted to tell you his story in case you find something in it you can use.

Michael

[yamahonkawazuki]

wow my friend. that is deep. and very well said.   

[scratch]

Oh, no breakup, I was just feeling lonely at work, without her.  Never have I come so close to quitting a job, because I want to be with her so bad; I'm that much in love with her.  Just leaving her for work yesterday morning made me feel that way.

Lovely story, though, thank you.  This girlfriend makes me feel like I can be myself, and like I can do anything.

[cbrfxr67]

Jack and Tyler sit on the curb, watching sparse headlights
     on the nearby freeway.  Their eyes are glazed with endorphin-
     induced serenity.  They look at each other, laugh.  Look away.
                             TYLER
                 If you could fight anyone... one on
                 one, whoever you wanted, who would
                 you fight?
                             JACK
                 Anyone?
                             TYLER
                 Anyone.
     Jack thinks.
                             JACK
                 My boss, probably.
                       (pause)
                 Who would you fight?
                             TYLER
                 My dad.  No question.
     A long pause as Jack studies Tyler's face.
                             JACK
                 Oh, yeah.
                       (nodding)
                 I didn't know my dad.  Well, I knew
                 him, till I was six.  He went and
                 married another woman, had more kids.
                 Every six years or so he'd do it
                 again -- new city, new family.
                             TYLER
                 He was setting up franchises.  My
                 father never went to college, so it
                 was really important that I go.
                             JACK
                 I know that.
                             TYLER
                 After I graduated, I called him long
                 distance and asked, "Now what?"  He
                 said, "Get a job."  When I turned
                 twenty-five, I called him and asked,
                 "Now what?"  He said, "I don't know.
                 Get married."
                             JACK
                 Same here.
                             TYLER
                 A generation of men raised by women.
                 I'm wondering if another woman is the
                 answer we really need.

     Another pause.  Jack feels his bleeding lip, smiles.
                             JACK
                 We should do this again sometime.
     Tyler cracks a smile, give a sidelong glance to Jack.

[bill14224]

I didn't know we had so many budding poets here!

If you feel lonely even with a great gal you're probably sick of your job and/or location.  When we work one job, work in one field, or stay in one place a long time there is a tendency to start thinking about all the other things we're missing.  We can't have it all, can we?  Then we often fall into the "grass is greener on the other side" thing.  This either works-out good or bad, depending on whether the person in question made a good future plan or just left what he was doing, the place he was living, or the relationship he was in for the sake of change.  Yeah, I've had those thoughts.  I can relate.  They call it mid-life crisis but it can happen in your 30's.

I know a guy who had a life most guys would kill for.  Hot and supportive wife with a good job who likes sex, great job of his own, good home, but he got tired of it and threw it away at 41 and almost ruined his career in the process.  He's regretting it now, and I'm living the half of his life that he threw away.  He was foolish, believe me!  He's a better man than me career-wise, but in relationships I blow him into the weeds because I'm patient and appreciate what I have and he does neither.  He's impulsive and I'm not.  That's why I win in the long run but there were times when I wondered if my patience would ever lead to what I wanted.  Just when I was beginning wonder if I was being too patient, it happened, lucky for me!