11 categories

[yamahonkawazuki]

According to American Greetings...Researchers have broken down farts into 11 categories...

1. The "Pull My Finger" or PMF
Everyone enjoys a good chuckle, and nothing produces one as consistently as the classic "pull my finger" gag. Many a gullible child has set a PMF into motion by tugging on the digit of a father or favorite uncle. The PMF has the distinction of being the only fart which is employed strictly for comedic purposes.

2. The Machine Gun
A rapid fire or "rat-a-tat-tat" sound is created by gas bubbles, causing the sphincter to open and close quickly, thus producing short, but numerous farts in quick succession. This fart is one of the largest gas (as well as laughter producing types....

3. The "Silent But Deadly" or SBD
This is perhaps the most dangerous of all farts. It's like the ninja of passed gas. Without any warning, the SBD's foul fumes quickly spread, creating panic and destruction in its deadly wake. The unknown origin of an SBD results in denial and accusations. Typically, the person who did it tries to blame it on the dog.

4. The Shock Wave
Trying to suppress the release of intestinal gas can result in an intense pressure buildup, resulting in the shock wave - one long release of incredible power. The sonic wave generated by this particular fart can be heard for miles. There have also been reports of structural damage.

5. The Trumpet
A series of loud farts that vary in pitch and tone is what researchers call "The Trumpet." With practice and proper diet, simple musical compositions can be performed - preferably at an outdoor amphitheater.

6. The "Big Wet One" or BWO
The human body is a complex, mysterious, often disgusting machine. When it vents gas, sometimes other things are expelled as well - stinky, wet things. Accompanied by its distinct wet sound, nothing can empty a room or fill your pants, as quickly as a BWO.

7. The Carbonater
Decades before the invention of the hot tub, flatulent people in the bathtub were enjoying bubbles of thier own making. And as to swimming pools - do you think that people who pee in the pool would even think twice about farting in it?

8. The Blowtorch
Mankind's fascination with farts has led to all kinds of experiments. The application of flame, usually from a cigarette lighter held near the body's "rear exhaust pipe," can ignite the expelled flammable methane gas.

9. The Oopsie-Daisy
Try as you might, sometimes you just can't help but bust a little wind... often at the most inappropriate times and places. The Oopsie-Daisy (also known as the "excuse me") most frequently occurs in the workplace, elevators, and fine restaurants - and it's usually followed by blushing and a sheepish grin.

10. The Amplified Commode Blow
Unless you've brought a periodical with you, sitting on the toilet can be a tiresome and uninspiring experience. A commode blow, however, will not only provide you with instant gratification, it will also produce a sound three times as loud as those made by conventional farts.

11. Beer Farts
Due to its effect on the digestive system and its carbonated nature, beer is usually listed among the top fart-producing substances. While beer farts do have plenty of unpleasant properties, other foods and drinks contribute to the possibility of flatulence as well. The N.F.I. (National Flatulence Institute) has been compiling a list of foods and drinks that help to contribute to "air pollution." Their findings? Apparently everything can make you fart, although beans have officially been classified as "the musical fruit."

[jestercinti]

Wait, I'm supposed to be researching Internal Audit Charter verbiage for the executive PowerPoint slide deck, and I stumble onto this.

How does this happen??? 

[yamahonkawazuki]

happens when one is surfing gstwin versus doing what theyre supposed to be doing they run into postwhores on occasion