When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you
just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out
on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't
know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone
call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and
dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely
said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin
Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I
couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her.
I had transposed the last two digits of her phone
number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call
the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered
the phone, I yelled "You're an @$$hole!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word! '! @$$hole'
next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple
of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a reall y bad
day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an @$$hole!" It
always cheered me up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my
therapeutic '@$$hole' calling would have to stop. So,
I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith
from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if
you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled
"NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because
you're an @$$hole!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into
a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and
pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit
the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that
spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale"
sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first
@$$hole ( I had his number on speed dial,) I thought
that I'd better call the BMW @$$hole, too.
I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow
house, and the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen,Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an @$$hole." Then I hung up, and added
his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a
problem, I had two assholes to call.
But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as
enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an
idea. I called @$$hole #1.
"Hello."
"You're an @$$hole!" (But I didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"@$$hole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow
house, with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had
better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, @$$hole."
Then I called @$$hole #2. "Hello?" he said.
"Hello, @$$hole," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, @$$hole, here's your chance. I'm
coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at1802 West 34th Street, and that
I was on my way over there to kill my ghey lover.
Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going
down on West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th
Street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out
of each other in front of six squad cars, a police
helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better. Anger management. It really
works!!!
HAHA that was amazing. i want another story!!
*laughs out loud* That's beautiful. That was totally worth the read.
:thumb: :lol: :thumb: :lol: :thumb: :lol: :thumb: :lol: :thumb:
:lol: Genius! That was great! :lol:
Brilliant!!! :thumb: