ok my GF lives in MD. its about 3 hours away from me. Ive known her since 6th grade. But anyways last weekend she was suppose to come down and stay the weekend but right as she was going out the door to come see meher boss calls her and told her she had to come to work for the weekend. she is kind of like an insurence adjuster for an emergency water and fire loss thing. and it pissed me off because we had plans and I planned my whole weekend around her. it wasnt a thing where she called me right after her boss called her. she text messaged me 3 hours later and that really pissed me off. when she finally called me (because the hell if I was going to call or text message) she told me she was afraid to tell me that she wasnt make it up here on the phone cause she knew I would be pissed. ok so I can kinda understand that. so I gave her a lecture on how to keep plans and how to tell her boss to F*ck off after she specifically asked to not be called on this weekend. so we were all good again and I said I would come up and see her this weekend, today actually. so I was going to leave at 3pm today to meet her when she got off work. well she calls me not to long ago asking for me to leave at 6pm... and im like wtf? why? she said she will be working late till 9pm at this one house... so this pissed me off because we had plans again and I cant beleive she cant open her mouth and say HEY IVE GOT PLANS I HAVE TO BE HOME AT A CERTAIN TIME TO MEET SOMEONE. It also pisses me off because I think a company that cant have set hours on when there workers work is worthless. I dont see the problem with only working 8 hours a day to get a job done. The main point is we had plans and I like to stick by plans. I am sick of plans being changed like this at the last minute. because every job ive ever had, when make plans they are just tough out of luck. because thats my time , and my life not thiers. and they cant fire you over it either. its understandable somtimes but this happens to her almost every day. then she complains about being so tired but never complains about how much her boss is a duck. BTW while all of this went on last weekend her boss was in FL on vacation living it up.
she knows im pissed again, and now I think she is getting irritated at my smart comments about her job like when we were getting off the phone I said " thats right go back to your slave job" and she got all pissy about that.
I dont know what the think. Im thinking of saying F* it and telling her that she can see me when she makes the time too and not going up there this weekend.
It sounds as though her job isn't by nature a 9-5 type of job if she handles emergency appraisals. It sounds as though her job isn't a standard job, and if you've known her since 6th grade, you know her job isn't standard. If her job isn't standard, she doesn't really have a whole lot of choice with her schedule (if I'm reading your post correctly), so expecting her to never, ever change plans is expecting too much (and is a very unrealistic expectation).
If I were your girl, I'd be pissed that you were getting pissed all the time. :flipoff:
Quote from: pandy on February 16, 2007, 11:29:58 AM
It sounds as though her job isn't by nature a 9-5 type of job if she handles emergency appraisals. It sounds as though her job isn't a standard job, and if you've known her since 6th grade, you know her job isn't standard. If her job isn't standard, she doesn't really have a whole lot of choice with her schedule (if I'm reading your post correctly), so expecting her to never, ever change plans is expecting too much (and is a very unrealistic expectation).
If I were your girl, I'd be pissed that you were getting pissed all the time. :flipoff:
I am a sweetheart though. i dont get like yelling pissed or anything more disapointed pissed ....
but the thing is , it is a standard job. only when shes on call does she have to go out at all hours. see her actual job title only works 7-4 monday through friday. but they boss wont hire more people to do the road crews job so she gets drug into it all the time. the crew goes and pulls carpet up and does all that cleaning stuff. so i would understand if she was suppose to do that as her job but its not her job, and I know she doesnt exactly like it but she is so freeken nice and wont say no... and she feels like a job is the most important thing in life almost... and I dont know its just hard.
another dollar another day, but memories last forever.
It doesn't sound as though you respect her job much, which means that you might not respect her much for being in that job? If you DO respect her, then let her live her own life and make her own decisions. If YOU can't live with those decisions, then you need to figure out why you're hanging in there if you're so unhappy with this whole picture.
If her job is important to her, then you'll have to live with that. If you feel she thinks her job is more important than you, then again I ask, why are you with her? Do you get the feeling at all that she's using the job as an excuse NOT to see you (I haven't no idea on this, but have you gotten any feeling from it?)....
Quote from: pandy on February 16, 2007, 11:39:41 AM
It doesn't sound as though you respect her job much, which means that you might not respect her much for being in that job? If you DO respect her, then let her live her own life and make her own decisions. If YOU can't live with those decisions, then you need to figure out why you're hanging in there if you're so unhappy with this whole picture.
If her job is important to her, then you'll have to live with that. If you feel she thinks her job is more important than you, then again I ask, why are you with her? Do you get the feeling at all that she's using the job as an excuse NOT to see you (I haven't no idea on this, but have you gotten any feeling from it?)....
no I dont get that feeling because she is all about me . always calling me and what not.. and I could see respecting her and doing her own life and I tell her that it is her own life but at the same time we are looking at getting married, so it will be OUR life.
but she is moving back to Richmond VA in aug. she knows her job isnt the greatest for there punctuality. I just think she needs to stand up for it. I do respect her and her job. she is just way to nice about things and she will admit it too. about that slave job comment I told her I was joking about it. and I also told her that im more mad at the fact that her Job is taking advantage of her and using her basically. I can care less that my plans were broken at this point. they are running her raggid and that makes me mad. because they have no right to take advantage of her being nice.
just my .02 cents but the amount of time isn't nearly as important as the quality. In the big picture of things if you love her and want to spend your life with her a few weekends in comparison really isn't that big of a deal.
I'm sure she would be much more grateful if you expressed your disappointment and left it at that. Getting worked up over it won't change anything, just causes stress on your relationship. Don't sweat the small stuff, you know she likes or needs her job and she won't change that, so let that be something that you don't like but can't change and accept it as that. Getting upset about the sky being blue, or about the # of ignorant people in the world isn't going to do anything except raise your blood pressure, just accept it and move on.
Quote from: ixolas on February 16, 2007, 12:02:27 PM
just my .02 cents but the amount of time isn't nearly as important as the quality. In the big picture of things if you love her and want to spend your life with her a few weekends in comparison really isn't that big of a deal.
I'm sure she would be much more grateful if you expressed your disappointment and left it at that. Getting worked up over it won't change anything, just causes stress on your relationship. Don't sweat the small stuff, you know she likes or needs her job and she won't change that, so let that be something that you don't like but can't change and accept it as that. Getting upset about the sky being blue, or about the # of ignorant people in the world isn't going to do anything except raise your blood pressure, just accept it and move on.
true. im usually on edge so I guess its one more of me snapping a little. I just gotta learn to be more understanding. and I usually tell her im sorry the next day anyways lol. never said I was perfect. thanks for the opinions people
I know how you feel, except I'm on the other side... I friggen HATE to cancel plans, so I usually don't make plans unless I'm 100% sure that I can make it. Well, my wife likes plans... She likes to make plans to make plans... She wants to know tentative plans, so she can plan alternate plans.
Before we were married, I would make plans to do something with a friend. She would ask me when I would be done, I'd tell her "AROUND x:00 time." She would take that to mean AT that time. Then she'd call and be all pissed that I wasn't done yet, even though we never really made plans. THEN I started saying, "I don't know when I'll be done" and she couldn't accept that, she would ask, "8ish? 9ish? 10ish?" And I would reply, "I don't know." And she would ask again, "Well what do you think? ABOUT what time?" and again I would reply, "I....... DON'T...... KNOW."
So, anyway... We talked about it and found a solution: 1) If I made plans I would keep them. 2) If I didn't know when I'd be done, she would find her own thing to do.
(The advice part)
In your situation, you're going to have to find your own solution. One that works for both of you... You'll need to talk to her and make "rules" about it.
Something like:
Her Rules:
1) If she's unsure if she's able to keep the plans (might have to work, etc, etc), she should be VERY clear about that fact.
2) If she makes solid plans you, she should keep them unless someone dies or comes near death.
Your Rules:
1) You should be able to accept that tentative plans *can and will* be broken in certain situations.
2) You should *not* be upset when tentative plans are broken and shouldn't it as a personal attack against you.
Now... If she's not willing to change or keep breaking solid plans... Ditch her, 'cause she ain't that into you.
I understand things happen. but she keeps telling me there is nothing she can do about it. but isnt there some kind of law where a company can only work you X amount of hours before you say no? or is that only a union thing?
I hate making plans too dude... thats why this makes it so hard. because when I actually do make plans. I MAKE PLANS. and I shut everything else out. when I could be doing somthing else plus we live in two different states untill aug.
You gotta talk about it... Not FIGHT about it. If she doesn't understand how it makes you feel (yes, I said feel), then she just won't get it.
Write this down, 'cause it's the most useful phrase for talking to women.
"When you _____, it makes me feel ____." :thumb:
So... "When you break plans with me, it makes me feel like you don't care about me." :thumb:
or... "When you break plans with me, it makes me feel unimportant." :thumb:
A BAD example: "When you break plans with me, it makes me feel pissed off at you." :nono:
A REALLY BAD example: "When you act like a c@%t, it makes me feel like killing you." :nono:
ONCE she understands that she's hurting your feelings, you have to set up "rules" that BOTH of you agree on to avoid the situation.
She could say, "I really want you to come out here, but I might have to work." You would then have to recognize that the plans might be broken.
If she says, "Come out to see me and we'll spend the day together." She should understand that means that she WILL spend the day with you and will NOT break plans (short of death/near death).
And again... If she's not willing to change her behavior or she keeps breaking solid plans... Ditch her, 'cause she ain't that into you.
Quote from: RVertigo on February 16, 2007, 05:08:35 PM
my wife likes plans... She likes to make plans to make plans... She wants to know tentative plans, so she can plan alternate plans.
Quote from: RVertigo on February 16, 2007, 05:08:35 PM
A REALLY BAD example: "When you act like a c@%t, it makes me feel like killing you." :nono:
Thats freaken hilarious..
Quote from: RVertigo on February 16, 2007, 05:27:32 PM
Write this down, 'cause it's the most useful phrase for talking to women.
"When you _____, it makes me feel ____." :thumb:
You, too, huh? I learned those from my wife. Actually I guess I learned "I feel ____ when you ____." She calls them "I statements."
im learning that "I understand" and "you are right honey" and "I am sorry I was just thinking of you " are great lines that work. although in this case I am standing my ground a little more. but its for the best she actually thanked me for being so stern with her on this issue. she is putting in her two weeks and leaving the job and moving back to Richmond. I told her she needed to get out of the job because of the people she works for and with. infact she caught two of her co-workers have sex on the job in someone elses house that just had a fire loss. so instead of just having a fire loss the people have two strangers having sex in a piece of thier furniture. well she is reporting them for that. I never thought people would be so crude.
Quote from: Susuki_Jah on February 18, 2007, 06:54:27 AM
although in this case I am standing my ground a little more. but its for the best she actually thanked me for being so stern with her on this issue.
I'm betting that she appreciates you being honest and straightforward with her. With honesty and straightforwardness, she doesn't have to guess how you're feeling, and there are less misunderstandings. :thumb:
Quote from: Susuki_Jah on February 18, 2007, 06:54:27 AM
I never thought people would be so crude.
In another 20 years, you won't be surprised or shocked at all! ;)
Spend a bit of cash on her, women like that sort of thing. I bought my G/F a nice new bag and a matching belt for Valentines day...............I tell you, that old Hoover of hers, its working like it did when it first came outta the box now!
Quote from: sledge on February 18, 2007, 03:22:51 PM
Spend a bit of cash on her, women like that sort of thing. I bought my G/F a nice new bag and a matching belt for Valentines day...............I tell you, that old Hoover of hers, its working like it did when it first came outta the box now!
This is the sort of thing that sets my teeth on edge. I would MUCH rather take a walk in the park holding hands than for someone to think that I need to be bought with trinkets (cheap or expensive). I would hate to think that my mate thinks he needs to buy me things to get an improved uhmm.....vacuum (it would make me feel like he thought I was a prostitute, not to say that's what anyone else here would think ;)).
Errmmm it was a joke.....truth is she would string me up by my dangly-bits from the washing-line if I did anything like that.
Hey Pandy! (You beat me to the punch here, but :kiss3: anyway )
Quote from: sledge on February 18, 2007, 03:22:51 PM
Spend a bit of cash on her, women like that sort of thing. I bought my G/F a nice new bag and a matching belt for Valentines day...............I tell you, that old Hoover of hers, its working like it did when it first came outta the box now!
Translation for the Colonists - "Hoover" - Britishism for a vacuum cleaner.
In this case, because an item was exchanged as a gift on Valentines Day, there is the implication of an adult event. :oops:
On the other hand, maybe Sledge's G/F loved her gifts so much she cleaned house while wearing them.
Quote from: sledge on February 18, 2007, 03:41:09 PM
Errmmm it was a joke.....truth is she would string me up by my dangly-bits from the washing-line if I did anything like that.
:laugh: :thumb:
Hi starwalt! :kiss3:
At least starwalt got the joke........thanks for translating :laugh:
I'm a chick...we hate to be thought of as prostitutes and golddiggers. :icon_lol:
And....I got the Hoover reference...I just couldn't bring myself to say b---job out loud. :icon_mrgreen:
Quote from: pandy on February 18, 2007, 04:07:47 PM
I'm a chick...we hate to be thought of as prostitutes and golddiggers. :icon_lol:
And....I got the Hoover reference...I just couldn't bring myself to say b---job out loud. :icon_mrgreen:
Pandy's created a fill in the blank game! :laugh:
Quote from: starwalt on February 18, 2007, 06:11:19 PM
Pandy's created a fill in the blank game! :laugh:
Oh damn! :o :laugh:
I don't think this is thread jacking since its kinda on the subject but watch this and tell me its not funny.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1944082316 (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1944082316)
Quote from: ixolas on February 18, 2007, 09:39:35 PM
I don't think this is thread jacking since its kinda on the subject but watch this and tell me its not funny.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1944082316 (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1944082316)
haha that lil video is great. ive seen it so many times ive memorized it lol.
well I bought the little lady 71$ worth of her favorite roses lol. and I know she wasnt expecting it. but that wasnt to win any points. I really wanted to do that for her on Vday.
she keeps asking me not to give up on her cause she loves me so much. its hard I guess.
she is promising me that she will be here in Richmond this weekend. WE WILL SEE! she breaks one more plan for her job and im freeken out the door. atleast untill she can learn to make the right choices.
Quote from: ixolas on February 18, 2007, 09:39:35 PM
I don't think this is thread jacking since its kinda on the subject but watch this and tell me its not funny.
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1944082316 (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1944082316)
I think Don has some issues there. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
If you want to spend that much time with her, you guys should live closer than three hours apart
Quote from: ambisinister on February 19, 2007, 11:11:08 AM
If you want to spend that much time with her, you guys should live closer than three hours apart
well obvious lol. not always so easy to do at the drop of a hat. see we have grown up together since 6th grade but didnt really see much of eachother at all after highschool. she went into the navy and I went to college then the airforce. well we found eachother again on myspace and started talking last year somtime. I was living in Aberdeen MD and she was living in Richmond. I moved back to Richmond in april she moved to aberdeen in June. then I went to AZ for three months to do BP. so we kept missing eachother. anyways she is planning on moving back to Richmond ASAP she is looking for jobs in Richmond as we speek.
If you like her, put yourself out there once or twice and see what happens. Sometimes women are busy, sometimes they make excuses for various female reasons, no use getting mad about it.
If she doesn't meet you halfway or keeps flaking then let it go. It won't make her any more interested if you crash and burn on her tail. Look elsewhere. Maybe later, follow up after you're cooled off.
we are still very much inlove with eachother. everything is good. we both know we are busy. one cool thing is, when my band goes on tour she is coming with me :) we both have the mindset of making just enough money to pay the bills and have a little fun. plus we save a lot :) . so its all gooood. when we have kids that will change I know
Quote from: Susuki_Jah on February 21, 2007, 12:18:11 AM
we are still very much inlove with eachother. everything is good.
eww yucky.
move to maryland
its 12348123480123x better then VA.
Quote from: jdanna on February 21, 2007, 10:23:08 PM
move to maryland
its 12348123480123x better then VA.
I lived there for six months, although its pretty in some parts, im not a big fan. Richmond VA is my home
"TWO UP TWO DOWN","FIST CITY", "THE CAPITOL OF THE CONFEDERACY", its in RAP songs, Its in hardcore songs, its in punk, its in pop, and its even in folk and bluegrass. you cant beet what Richmond has to offer :).
Quote from: Susuki_Jah on February 22, 2007, 09:30:42 AM
you cant beet what Richmond has to offer :).
I can- New York City!
...but then again, what do I know, we're all Liberal snobs :laugh: :laugh:
I actually like Richmond, I go out to Midlothian every year for Thanksgiving at my Aunt & Uncles place. It's a nice place... although I don't understand why you people are always bragging about the confederacy like it's going to come back and rule :dunno_white:
Quote from: CasiUSA on February 22, 2007, 09:47:53 AM
Quote from: Susuki_Jah on February 22, 2007, 09:30:42 AM
you cant beet what Richmond has to offer :).
I can- New York City!
...but then again, what do I know, we're all Liberal snobs :laugh: :laugh:
I actually like Richmond, I go out to Midlothian every year for Thanksgiving at my Aunt & Uncles place. It's a nice place... although I don't understand why you people are always bragging about the confederacy like it's going to come back and rule :dunno_white:
well im not bragging that it should come back or that I want it to come back because I actually really love America, but its the historical presence! seriously im not a redneck I just really love history. Like most people would think NY is so cool because of all the stuff to do. but NY is HUGE for history. I FREEKEN LOVE IT! ive been to NY over 4 times so far. the first two times I went I stayed for 2 weeks each time. I was doing a photo documentary on ellis island and was invited to tour the unrestored part of it, which is not open to the public. I also toured the restored section. I have been other places in NY like brookland and the bronx when I drove there in 2006. The museums and the broadway musicals really catch my attention. I may be a southern conservative boy but I am very well rounded and very much into the arts and history. NY is my favorite place in the world to photograph. I got excepted to the NY school of arts! but it was too much money :( my parents said they would have helped me out but I didnt want to put that bruden on them. now I wish I had gone.
last time I checked you would fall under "you people" as well. we are all people casi ;)
What do you mean "you people"?!?!?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!?!? :laugh: :laugh: Point taken.
Well definitely let me know next time you come to NYC, i'll buy a round of beers or something and I'll show you the fun places to go. As far as going to school in NY, yeah it's definitely ridiculous as far as price goes. NYU is one of the most expensive schools in the country mostly because of Room & Board. My parents went apartment shopping last year and they almost had a heart attack when they first looked and the average price of a 2 bedroom apartment in Manhattan was +/- $800K. :o :o :o Absurd.
Back to the thread topic- Yeah, long distance is hard to manage- ESPECIALLY if you are younger. I tried it twice with miserable failure.
dude, if she is willing to tour with you and your band she's a keeper for sure! Remember that you're still young with no kids and major responsibilities, so grab every opportunity you can at this point to do what you really want.
Quote from: CasiUSA on February 22, 2007, 10:37:39 AM
What do you mean "you people"?!?!?! What the hell is that supposed to mean?!?!? :laugh: :laugh: Point taken.
Well definitely let me know next time you come to NYC, i'll buy a round of beers or something and I'll show you the fun places to go. As far as going to school in NY, yeah it's definitely ridiculous as far as price goes. NYU is one of the most expensive schools in the country mostly because of Room & Board. My parents went apartment shopping last year and they almost had a heart attack when they first looked and the average price of a 2 bedroom apartment in Manhattan was +/- $800K. :o :o :o Absurd.
Back to the thread topic- Yeah, long distance is hard to manage- ESPECIALLY if you are younger. I tried it twice with miserable failure.
dude, if she is willing to tour with you and your band she's a keeper for sure! Remember that you're still young with no kids and major responsibilities, so grab every opportunity you can at this point to do what you really want.
true.. she is also the type chick who wants to have kids. we agree on a lot its just hard doing the distance thing now. It will be better when she moves back. im most likely going to propose to her this summer.
I will definatly look you up next time I go up there. I think soon im planning a photo trip up there with a friend, I dont think you can cover all of NY in a lifetime !
and im just kidding about the you people I wasnt offended lol.
well it looks like for the 3rd time I have been stood up . when she doesnt answer her phone she is usually at work. well I gave her an ultimadum. so if she doesnt make it this weekend and when she does call me if she sais she went to work instead, well im telling her its over. I dont play with this shaZam!. what I say goes and I put my foot down.
guess ill start bringing girls home from the bar again ;) haha just kidding
Oh your doing alright Susuki. SO long as you don't miss her when shes gone cos' then ul' be kickin urself.
Me and my girlfriend of 3 years split up yesterday ooooo :dunno_white:
Quote from: Kasumi on February 24, 2007, 12:15:16 PM
Oh your doing alright Susuki. SO long as you don't miss her when shes gone cos' then ul' be kickin urself.
Me and my girlfriend of 3 years split up yesterday ooooo :dunno_white:
sorry to here that. unless you are happy with it?
I just cant see myself marrying someone who cant even F8cking call me
I hate to admit it , I AM A HOT HEAD.... and this ruins everything for me. it pisses me off soo much that I dont even want to do anything today. I want to just hop on my bike and top out the speedometer.. but ofcourse Im not going to do that because it would either get me a speeding ticket or death.
:2guns: :2guns: :flipoff: :cookoo: I hate it ... damn it damn it damn it
ok done for the ranting at the moment
Nah i wasn't happy about it.
Very pissed off and upset!
Ironicly alot of the reason we did split up was because she was a hot head, no matter how hard you try to please her it wasn't enough.
whoever suggested dating 2-3 girls at the same time had a good idea. I have had one-itis bad before and it's a real Buddha Loves You, and actually can be counterproductive. now I'm dating several girls and it gives you a lot of perspective. Not that there isn't something to be said for being monogamous and all.
Quote from: Kasumi on February 24, 2007, 12:15:16 PM
Me and my girlfriend of 3 years split up yesterday ooooo :dunno_white:
Sorry to hear this... :cry: :cry: :cry: :kiss3: