I found out earlier this week that one of my older sisters was found in a river and died from a stab wound. Her husband confessed to the murder yesterday. They had two children, one 3 year old boy, and one 4 year old girl. None of my other brothers or sisters are capable of caring for these two children, so my wife and I are basically the only ones on my side of the family that can care for them. We already have a 3 year old girl, and a 9 year old boy. A three bedroom home is going to be very cramped. The children will have to share rooms for a while until we can add another two bedrooms. We will need a larger vehicle. More than likely, a van will be it. We have to think about how to pay for their college, clothing, etc.. I am extremely worried that we wouldn't be able to handle two children being thrown into our lives. But then again, I'm an adult. I can cope better than a couple of toddlers who have just lost their mother and father. Her husband told the investigators that the children were home when it happened, and that after he killed her, he put her body in the trunk of their car, loaded the children in the back seat, and then dumped her body in a river. I have so many emotions running through my mind right now that I can hardly think. A part of me wants to take the kids right away and love them until the end of time. Keep them safe from any harm and raise them as my own. The sensible part of me says that it would be extremely difficult to impossible for that to work. One part of me wants to go to "visit" her husband in jail and blow his f%$king brains out, or catch him outside the courtroom and put a 30.06 round in his chest. The other part wants to go and speak with him and get his side of the story. find out if the kids saw anything, or if they were asleep. I'm not saying we will definitely get the children, but there is a good chance. I'm scared to death of what the future holds for me and my family.
Sorry about the loss of your sister Lewis.
Do not do anything rash, or your wife and children will have to visit you in jail, and we don't want to hear of that happening nothing you can do to him will bring her back and can only hurt you.
I congratulate you for stepping up being willing to take these children in. "No man stands taller than when he kneels to help a child."
Best wishes to you my friend.
Holee cow.
Wish you the best there man, scary.
Cool.
Buddha.
Dear Lewis,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your sister.
I know you are dealing with so many conflicting emtions right now. I think you are doing a very good job of keeping your head up and putting others first; this is so important when children are involved.
Stay strong and you will get through this.
Sincerely,
Roberto.
Thats proper harsh dude , Such a terrable thing to have to go through , Killing him wont help your family , even tho i would want to kill him for taking my sister away,
My heart and thoughts go out to you and your Whole Family.
Jay
That's a tough row to hoe.
All that taking direct action will do is screw up the life of your wife, your kids, and your sister's kids too, if you end up being where they go. Not to mention your own life. Given this post, you'd likely get nailed for premeditation - so put it aside, take a long series of deep breaths, and let the system grind along.
Wow... Not much I can say. Your sisters kids are luck to have an uncle like you :cheers:
Man, that's rough. I don't know that I could see someone that did something like that to anyone and hold myself together, let alone my family. I hope that everything works out for your and your extended family, they are sure lucky to have an uncle that cares as much as you do.
jesus h f%$king christ...i don't know what to say. my family is going throught the same type of thing. my neice was murdered, at age 18, by her bf this week. he beat the shaZam! out of her then injected her with an OD of oxcodone. this crap is so unblievable when it happens you just have to say "why my family" "why him/her" god only knows. i am not much of a religious person but i did pray for her last night.
You guys are in my thoughts, Lewis and Frankie.
I would say do the last emotion firts then the second while doing the firts asap. but maybe use your hands and not a gun
Wow... :cry:
Sorry for your loss.
Good luck.
Lewis......I am deeply sorrowful for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain and confusion. You and your family will be in my prayers.
I hope that you find answers and somehow.....closure....in the future. Sincerely.
prayers sent, lewis, and frankie :icon_confused: :cry:
Wow, man, I'm really really sorry and I mean that in as real a way I can over the internet. You'll be on my church and morning prayer groups prayer list as of the end of this post. Please don't go and do anything stupid like shoot him. I don't know your faith, but man you've gotta put aside what has happened as best you can and love him even through the grief. I can't imagine losing somebody like that and especially a family member. I worked in a mortuary for years and have seen the best and worst, and for the sake of you, your loved ones, and family, please don't shoot him or anything like that. Do your best as an adult to take charge of the kids and listen to those around you with wise counsel and figure out what will truly be the best for the kids, not just what you think you SHOULD do. Again I am truly sorry and if you need anything at all for advice, or counsel, feel free to email at www.centerpointeonline.com which is my church. My wife will get the email and I can respond if you address it to casey or to chuck who is the pastor. Let him know you know me through here and again sorry and god bless.
Sorry about your loss. I will be praying for your family tonight. :cry:
Frank, in the long and short of it all, I didn't see your post. Forgive me. I pray that you and your family find answers and peace as well.
That is a terrible loss, I can only say how sorry I am. Don't do anything rash - now matter how short term satisfying it might seem. Your first duty is to your family and now your extended family. If you must seek revenge let it wait for twenty years and then see how you feel about it.
In the last few years I have lost two close relatives, natural causes, and a freind was stabbed to death. I cannot begin to compare this to the loss of a sibling but it has taught me that human endeavor can overcoming the seemingly impossible. I have also learned that you don't "get over" these things but you do get used to it, with acceptance comes a lessening of the pain.
It's incidents like these that makes me loose faith in humanity...
It's people like you and your actions that restore that faith...
Good luck with what lies ahead...
I'm in the Psych. field and have done some grief counseling in the past if you need anything give me a email.
this is lewis' thread, i just thought i would mention what happened in my family so that he knows someone understands. i am wracking my brain trying to figure out how we can help him.
Guys, first off, thanks for the kind words. It means a lot to me to have this support. Sure, I have a family that I can talk to about this, but they are going through the same thing as me right now. I needed some clear-headed advice from folks who aren't involved.
Frankie, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss as well. It's not something that is fun to deal with no matter what day of the week it is. I'll pray for you and your family.
Just as an update, he was charged with manslaughter yesterday, and released on bond last night. The DA's office didn't let anyone in the family know of the bond hearing, or his release. My wife and I were planning on going to visit with the kids today, but since he is home with them, I don't feel I need to be around him. I'm going to spend the day in Memphis so as to be absolutely sure that I won't run into him. I will not seek him out or try to hurt him, but if I were to just happen upon him in the street, I'm not sure how I would react. I know how I would like to react, but I'm not so sure I would be able to hold myself back.
Right now, it seems as if the children are in good hands. They are much closer to his side of the family than mine, and some of his family has stepped up and offered to care for them, but nothing is final as of yet. I think it would be in the best interest of the children since they are accustomed to being around them more than my side of the family. It would be less of a change for them.
Thanks again guys.
Manslaughter/ not murder? was it premeditated or not? Did you say he was home with the kids?? If so you guys have got a weird legal system although i guess i dont know the ins and outs of the case.
Can't really explain it all right now, but I will try to get all the info together in my mind and tell you guys the in's and out's. Don't have a lot of time to explain it all right this second.
WOW i don't even know how to really that that one in
Best of luck to you
i don't even know what i would do
Lewis,
I just got back from a vacation trip and read the news. I feel for you and your family right now. Keep the faith.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Seems like rough times for most people I know right now..
Best,
~pink..
Just got back from a trip Lewis. I am so sorry for what has been done to you and your family. No one should have to deal with this.
But I wholly admire you for your willingness to care for the children...don't lose that positiveness through this experience.
You're in my thoughts and prayers,
~lilbill
hey frankie, think of it this way when her life was taken/stolen, im willing to say she didnt feel the pain of death , but still, it sucks a major one to go through that, id say
Well shaZam!, now its my turn. a close cousing of mine, in peoria AZ, shot himself 4 days ago. ( which an engraved shotty i gave as a wedding present. when i lived in az ( in 01-02) he had been arguing with wife, she was going to divorce him, he was like, " heh i might as well blow my f%$king head off" she was like heh i dont give a f%$k, well she took the kids off to school, and the neighbors heard a loud boom coming from the garage, hell if i had teh cash, my ass would be flyin into AZ right about now :cry:
That sucks. Sorry about your friend.
gaaah, the whole family is in a slight tizzy. his fam, my moms side of fam, , and even though the divorce was sposed to happen, id say teh wife is a bit "tore up" right now
Sorry to hear about what happened.
Being adopted by relatives though, I have input about the babies. I have to say, give your decision some time and careful thought. Don't automatically feel obliged to care for them if it is going to put undue strain in many aspects on your household. All I am saying is, the hard decision may end up being a good decision. There are qualified and potentially good parents out there who would like to adopt.
I was adopted by relatives in the US. Compared to a pure "we want a baby" couple, their motives were mixed with obligation, possibly financial support, and novelty, and they came to view me as a burden and a liability. I left home at fifteen and no longer am in contact with any of my family.
Take your time. It may be you can care for them, it may be you can't. It's good you consider it, but it will be best if you decide carefully. I would absolutely consult with professionals and counselors about this.
Take care
nightrider
Quote from: nightrider on August 11, 2008, 02:19:41 AM
Sorry to hear about what happened.
Being adopted by relatives though, I have input about the babies. I have to say, give your decision some time and careful thought. Don't automatically feel obliged to care for them if it is going to put undue strain in many aspects on your household. All I am saying is, the hard decision may end up being a good decision. There are qualified and potentially good parents out there who would like to adopt.
I was adopted by relatives in the US. Compared to a pure "we want a baby" couple, their motives were mixed with obligation, possibly financial support, and novelty, and they came to view me as a burden and a liability. I left home at fifteen and no longer am in contact with any of my family.
Take your time. It may be you can care for them, it may be you can't. It's good you consider it, but it will be best if you decide carefully. I would absolutely consult with professionals and counselors about this.
Take care
nightrider
very sage advice there nightrider :bowdown: :bowdown:
I concur with yam. Very good. The feeling of Obligation can bring undue stress into ones life. be careful.
Guys, here's a link to one of the news stories they've put on tv around here lately. This one is from Memphis:
http://www.myfoxmemphis.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7159860&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=3.2.1 (http://www.myfoxmemphis.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7159860&version=1&locale=EN-US&layoutCode=VSTY&pageId=3.2.1)
The children are with his sister right now. She is a pretty nice person and the kids have spent a lot of time around her. We're still just waiting to see what happens. Everything is still up in the air. We can't even bury her right now. The state wants to hold her skeleton until the trial is over, and I have no clue how long that will take. We're planning a memorial service for her and we will go ahead and put a headstone so her children can at least go to her grave to talk to her. I guess we'll have to bury her after everything is over. Thanks for all of the kind words, and for all of the advice. My wife and I have really thought hard about the children. It has taken a lot of soul-searching. There are so many different things to consider. We still haven't decided if we'll try to get the kids yet.
Thanks again guys.
Sorry to hear about your trouble as well yamahonkawazuki. I'll pray for them. It's really screwed up that you can be going through life all grand and happy, and then all of a sudden.....BOOM. Everything goes to shaZam!.
yes indeed. and yesterday, my boss's sister got hit and killed by a train ( damn near unidentifiable )( she parked her car at a local restaurant, and drunken walked over to, and layed down across, the tracks ( in a bit of a blind curve. needless to say it was messy :icon_confused:, her husband was on his way to turkey to visit teh Fam, and this happened. and my boss who is turkish, was near unintelligible, in a mixture of turkish and english, i told him, " you need to calm down before i force feed you a pound of pot" ( he calms down tehn i find out teh details. gaaah this worls so farked right now. and i dont see it getting better anytime soon :nono:
So many difficult things happening right now...2008 is turning out to be a tough year for many.... I'm so sorry to hear of all these things happening. Good thoughts going out to all of you right now... :cry: