lets face it...are simply some of the funniest out there...so lets hear some.
I work with a bunch of hispanics...they have the best mexican/latino/etc jokes...but I want to hear white people jokes. I never hear white people jokes...surely there are some. The only one I've ever hear is:
What's do bricks and white women have in common? Eventually they all get laid by a mexican. (it's even funnier from a thick spannish accent haha)
This white trucker, called his mexican friend. " Hey jose hows it goin?, Señor, its goin good man, well hows pablo?, Well Señor pablo eees gone, he got killed. He got killed?, HOW?, well Señor, pablo got killed by a weasel. A WEASEL?!? hows that, well Señor, he was makin love to his firlfriend on the railroad tracks, and he did not hear teh weasel :thumb:
Why do Mormons never die in earthquakes? Because they are always standing in your doorway... :laugh:
haha awesome...both...
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
A man goes into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his neck, of course the doctor asks what happened to him.
"Well, it pretty much goes like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my dear wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows."
..."and we went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball....stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake."
"What did you do?" asks the doctor.
"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Holy cow, Edna, this looks like yours!'"
A drunk white guy walked into a bar, sat down at the counter. Placing a small cardboard box on the bar, and ordered one beer. When the beer came, he opened the box, pulled out a tiny piano and bench and placed them on the bar, then ordered one more beer.
He set this mouse on top of the piano and said "SING".
The frog began to play the piano and the mouse began to sing, first some 'oldies but goodies', then all of the current favorites.
A man at the bar who was watching all of this approached the man and offered to buy this little outfit that the man had.
After a bit of negotiating, the drunk white man agreed to sell it to the man for 500 dollars. The man gathered everything into the little cardboard box and ran out the door before the drunk could change his mind.
The bartender who had been watching all these events, said to the drunk "You damned old fool! You just sold that little outfit you had for $500 and you could have made millions off of it!"
The drunk laughed heartily and replied "I am not the fool, the guy who bought it is. Do you really think I would have sold that if that mouse could really sing?"
The bartender responded "What do you mean, I stood right here and listened to that mouse sing!" "The joke is on you and the guy who bought that outfit my friend ", chuckled the drunk. "That mouse can't sing. The frog is a ventriloquist!"
This is of course about dogs ... but read it carefully ... and you'll know ... its not.
Three male dogs encounter a beautiful female poodle and immediately fall in love. Well aware of her own charms and her effect on males, she announces, "I want a mate with brains, therefore I will only date the dog who creates an imaginative, intelligent sentence using the words, 'cheese' and 'liver.'"
The black Labrador retriever quickly responds, "I love cheese and liver."
"How childish," huffs the poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."
She turns to the cocker spaniel who responds tentatively, "Uh, I hate cheese and liver?"
The poodle shows her disgust. "That's no better than the other sentence! What about you, Mr. Chihuahua?"
The tiny dog grins, turns to the other two males and says, "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"
Here is another one ... Its sexist ...
Is somehting considered sexist and offensive when the butt of the joke (no pun intended) does not get it ...
Like ... they were yelling "drill baby drill" right ... but she had no clue ...
So is that considered sexually offensive ... I mean its considered sexist only when someone takes offence or all the time ?
Cool.
Buddha.
An arab, mexican and black man are all in the same car. Who is driving?
Answer:
The Cop
:cookoo:
I LOVE that one python...one of my favorites.
Why do mexicans eat tamales on christmas? So they'll have something to unwrap...
(there's gotta be some white people jokes, though...other than the typical blond/aggie stuff...the kind of stuff that's supposed to offend us lol)
4 black guys are in a caddillac and it drives off a cliff, whats wrong with this picture? ..........a caddy seats 5
how long does it take a black lady to take a shaZam!?..................9 months
wanna hear a joke? .......................womens rights
What do you call a little mexican? A paragraph since he's not quite an essay.
this is from an african american standup comedian friend.
"What did the black man put on his SAT test"....
"Barbecue Sauce".
though one could go with "KoolAid" too..
Where do you hide a [insert minority here]'s welfare check? Under his work boots.
Whats the difference between a [insert minority] and a medium pizza? A medium pizza can feed a family of 4.
:dunno_white:
a white man, a Homeboyus Africanus, a jew, a nun, and a whore walk into a bar, the bartender looks up at them and says, " WTF is this some kind of a joke?
I got some but I think I'd Probably be banned from Here if I posted them. :laugh:
what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?..................................nothing you already told her twice.
How do you circumcise a redneck?.................................................kick his sister in the jaw.
man goes to a doctor and said "doctor i havent been able to have sex in months can you help me out?" doctor said sure gives him some pills tells him to come back in a week. A week goes by and the guy comes back said "doctor those pills work great can i have some more?" doctor said sure. gives him some more tells him to come back in a month. month goes by and the guy never comes back so the doctor goes too his house and knocks on his door and a little boy answers. doctor said "hi little boy is your daddy home?" little boy said "yeah. are you the doctor that gave him the horny pills?" doctor said "yes i am why?" boy said " well my moms dead, my sisters pregnant, my a$$holes sore and now hes going around the house saying here kitty kitty"
:bowdown: :bowdown: :bowdown:
Suzuki was the son of a Japanese businessman who lived in Marietta, Georgia. Today he would be entering the fourth grade and therefore he was excited and eager to learn.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She examined the faces of her students as they stared back at her with blank faces. All except Suzuki who had his hand up in the air and said, "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth'"? Again, no response except from Suzuki. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863.", said Suzuki.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." Just then he heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Suzuki says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, "You little punk. If you say anything else, I'll kill you." Suzuki frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001."
The teacher faints. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we're screwed."
Suzuki said, "The Taliban! 2001″
Hilary Clinton is busy trying to do the duties of being a Senator. She goes for her usual check-up when her doctor informs her that she is pregnant. She is furious at this news and the minute she leaves the doctor's office she calls up Bill and begins to yell at him.
"How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you??!!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, what have you got to say???"
All she hears on the other line is silence.
She screams again, "Did you hear me??!!"
Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, he says, "Who is this?"
Nope ... that's a lie yamahon, and you know it.
Everyone knows that ... hilary is a less beans type of chick/dude.
Cool.
Buddha.
why do jews have such big noses?
because the air is free.
how can you tell when you've been burgled by a southeast asian?
your dog is missing and your kid's math homework is done.
what does a mexican girl put behind her ears to attract men?
her ankles.
what does a mexican girl put behind her ears to attract men?
her ankles.
ewwwww
Quote from: socialDK on October 06, 2008, 09:01:52 PM
what do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes?..................................nothing you already told her twice.
How do you circumcise a redneck?.................................................kick his sister in the jaw.
man goes to a doctor and said "doctor i havent been able to have sex in months can you help me out?" doctor said sure gives him some pills tells him to come back in a week. A week goes by and the guy comes back said "doctor those pills work great can i have some more?" doctor said sure. gives him some more tells him to come back in a month. month goes by and the guy never comes back so the doctor goes too his house and knocks on his door and a little boy answers. doctor said "hi little boy is your daddy home?" little boy said "yeah. are you the doctor that gave him the horny pills?" doctor said "yes i am why?" boy said " well my moms dead, my sisters pregnant, my a$$holes sore and now hes going around the house saying here kitty kitty"
(http://i114.photobucket.com/albums/n261/bettingpython/f92762a9.jpg)
know how to get 4 homosexuals on one barstool? Turn it upside down.
a caucasian, a Black man, and a mexican fell off of some high scaffolding at a construction site. Know which one hit the ground LAST?
It was the Black man...........he stopped to write "motherfucker" on the side of the building on the way down........
Here is a White Texan joke for ya Mak...
A Texas Farmer goes into the Divorce lawyer and says..
I want one of them there Di-vorces...
Lawyer: Do you have a case?
farmer: Nope... got a John Deer..
Lawyer:... no, no you dont get it.. what im saying is, do you have a grudge?
farmer: Yep, park my John Deer in the grudge
Lawer: Ahhh... man you still dont get it... Do you have any grounds?
farmer... Yep, bout 80 achers :icon_mrgreen:
Lawyer... Ahhhh, damn... no.you just dont seem to understand... Is she a Nagger?
Farmer: Nope, but shes about to have one of them there Nagger babies thats why I want that there Di-vorce.
:icon_mrgreen:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Ok, Well I was told this today
CHANGE
C - COME
H - HELP
A - A
N - N#*%R
G - GET
E - ELECTED
and I am not racist but that's funny
that is funny. but i'm still voting for him anyway. f%$k. what do i have to lose? i'm screwed no matter how i vote. f%$k t. another beer please!!! :cheers:
:cheers:
i hope i dont get banned for this but these are great. any one want more my buddys got a bunch
does this count as a joke against whitie?
(http://s51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/th_douchbag.jpg)
just jokes
(http://s51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/th_fuckingloveoreos2gj3.jpg)
(http://s51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/th_Hilarious-4.jpg)
(http://s51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/th_stereotypes.jpg)
i can't read em. make em bigger. :laugh:
those are way too small to get you banned- try bigger ones.
yes. this is american ya know.... bigger is better... lmao.
damn...I wish I could see the envy/stereotype one...
ok here they are sorry
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/Hilarious-4.jpg?t=1223440637)
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/douchbag.jpg?t=1223440755)
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/stereotypes.jpg?t=1223440834)
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/poster01kr8.jpg?t=1223440872)
(http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f364/doktornaughty/fuckingloveoreos2gj3.jpg?t=1223440911)
Quote from: jserio on October 07, 2008, 06:54:33 PM
that is funny. but i'm still voting for him anyway. f%$k. what do i have to lose? i'm screwed no matter how i vote. f%$k t. another beer please!!! :cheers:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: NOW THAT was a pretty good joke :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :cheers: :cheers: nowaitaminute :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :dunno_white:
Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on October 05, 2008, 06:54:28 PM
This white trucker, called his mexican friend. " Hey jose hows it goin?, Señor, its goin good man, well hows pablo?, Well Señor pablo eees gone, he got killed. He got killed?, HOW?, well Señor, pablo got killed by a weasel. A WEASEL?!? hows that, well Señor, he was makin love to his firlfriend on the railroad tracks, and he did not hear teh weasel :thumb:
Oh no, not pablo ... Oh my god ... :laugh:
Cool.
Buddha.
:laugh:
Quote from: makenzie71 on October 06, 2008, 04:59:34 PM
What do you call a little mexican? A paragraph since he's not quite an essay.
hers almost another one
"Japanese girl was making love and accidentally passed wind. she quickly explained, "Oh me so sorry, you make front hole so happy, back hole blow you kiss"
Construction site of empire state building, 1958, metal framing -- iron workers, 5:00 am, friday; three guys grab their lunch and kiss their wives, head to work.
Five hours later....
Lunch whistle just blew.
The three men sit on the beam they just set in place, and prepare for lunch.
Guy1: "If i have a hot dog for lunch again, i'm gonna be peeeeed dude."
Guy2: "Crikey! If i have a burger for lunch again, i will not be happy."
Guy3: "If i have a ham sandwich for lunch again, i will jump off this building."
Guy 1: opens his lunchbox and sees a hot dog... sticks an iron spike through his heart and dies instantly.
Guy 2: opens his lunchbox and sees a burger... hits himself in the temple with his hammer and dies instantly.
Guy 3: opens his lunchbox and sees a sandwich... jumps off the beam and plummets 400' to his death.
Five days later at the funeral:
Wife1: If i knew he didn't want a hot dog, i would have put a taco in his lunch.
Wife2: If i knew he didin't want a burger, i would have put chicken in his lunch.
Wife3: That damn Cra@ker husband i married, momma told me not to marry a Wh!tie... he always packed his own lunch.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Honk!es marinate chicken in chicken marinade.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A cra@ker lost his motorcycle keys................
..................... nevermind.................
.......................................they were in his fanny pack the whole time.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A white guy called in sick today, to run errands.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A white guy thought these jokes weren't funny.
A white guy noticed the empire state building was not built in 1958'
A Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter, "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth... Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"
St. Peter said, "That's a question only God can answer." So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked, "God, please - I must know. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"
God simply replied, "You are what you are."
The zebra returned to see St. Peter once more, who asked him, "Well, did God straighten out your query for you?" The zebra looked puzzled.
"No sir, God simply said 'You are what you are.'" St. Peter smiled and said to the zebra, "Well then, there you are. You are white with black stripes."
The zebra asked St. Peter, "How do you know that for certain?" "Because," said St. Peter, "If you were black with white stripes, God would have said, "You is what you is."
The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her... don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara." The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem!! I have. I have."
Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, "I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France." The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build."
Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch pee pee." The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, "Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."
I can't add to this now. All I can say is there is hope for the world, because we can still laugh at ourselves. :thumb:
Quote from: bill14224 on June 08, 2011, 03:25:40 PM
I can't add to this now. All I can say is there is hope for the world, because we can still laugh at ourselves. :thumb:
YES indeed :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: . most people im assuming all here. can tell a joke, and not have a racist feeling in their bodies. i dislikeracism altogether. in my naive belief. we are but one race. human O0
p.s. on a side note. i had chuckled at a japanese racial joke. and hte OP apologised to me i guess because by my username on youtube. ( same as this one) he thought i was asian. i said i appreciate the apology. but im not asian.
what do you call a black guy flying a plane?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..a pilot you racist!!
What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?
The pizza can feed a family!
*Not racist but I thought it was funny*
A man walks into a bar and sees the bartender with a tiny little guy about a 12 inches high playing piano in the corner.
He walks up to the bartender and says, 'Wow! That's amazing how did you get him?'
The bartender pulls out an old beer bottle and tells him to rub it.
So hesitantly he rubs the bottle and with a puff of smoke, a slightly intoxicated genie pops out and says " Hic! One wish and one wish only! What'll it be? Hic!"
So the man thinks and says, 'I wish I had a million bucks!'
The genie says, "OK, go outside and ya wish'll be granted." And he disappears back into the old bottle of beer.
So the man goes outside and all he finds a million ducks filling the sky and roads.
Upset he goes back in and tells the bartender what happened and the bartender replies, 'I know, do you really think I wanted a 12 inch pianist?'
Q. Why did Obama wait so long to release his birth certificate?
A. He didn't have a registered copy of PhotoShop.
Q: what bruce springsteen song always makes obama grin?
A: born in the usa
have you heard obama claimes ireland as his ancestral home?, kenya believe that? :flipoff: :flipoff: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
why wont obama laugh at himself?,
because that would be racist
What I think is fit for humor is somewhat larger than what most people think is appropriate for humor these days. Things have changed so much I don't think I recognize my country anymore, and I'm not 50 yet.
Quote from: bill14224 on June 10, 2011, 04:52:25 PM
What I think is fit for humor is somewhat larger than what most people think is appropriate for humor these days. Things have changed so much I don't think I recognize my country anymore, and I'm not 50 yet.
agreed. same here. and im only 36 lol
Neither do I and I've only lived here 20 years.
Cool.
Buddha.
Quote from: The Buddha on June 10, 2011, 08:10:38 PM
Neither do I and I've only lived here 20 years.
Cool.
Buddha.
well youre weird. having washed face in paint thinnner. youve got a valid reason . lol i jest my friend. :bowdown: i enjoy the off the wall rants lol