A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife.
She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.
Two cowboys applied for the job. One was ghey and the other a drunk.
She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the ghey guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.
He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.
For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well.
Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night.
One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return.
Two o'clock and no hired hand.
Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering
the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.
She quietly called him over to her.
"Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said.
Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots."
He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks"
He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.
"Now take off my skirt."
He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.
"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.
Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."
WHEN TO START CUSSING!
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with he.ll, and you say something with a.ss.' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, he.ll, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?' I don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat a.ss it won't be Cheerios!'
A wealthy woman was being shown around the hospital. During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
'Oh my GOD!' screamed the woman. 'That's disgraceful! ...... Why is he doing that?'
The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."
''Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay" said the woman..
As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient lying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed,
"Oh my GOD! Now tell me how that can be justified?"
The doctor spoke very calmly, "Same illness, better health plan."
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your
heart is as soft as your breast,
I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies, 'If your pee pee is as hard as your elbow,
I'm in room 221.'
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband
starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey,
I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want
to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife
again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he
came home one day
to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his pee pee into the pickle slicer.
His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to
talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my pee pee into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill, you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.
'My God, Bill, what happened?'
'I got fired.'
'No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle
slicer?'
'Oh...she got fired too.'
Mickey and Minnie were having problems and finally ended up in divorce court.
The judge told Mickey sir I can't grant you a divorce because you say Minnie is crazy.
I didn't say she was crazy I said she was Flucking Goofy!
:whisper: What is Minnie's favorite drink?
Minnesota!
Mary
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when
the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were
sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably
sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive
some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at
the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly
replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they
were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your
oatmeal
A woman is sitting on her couch when her husband walks in the front door with a goat.
"This is the pig I f*ck when you ain't around." he said.
"That's not a pig, you dumbass, it's a goat!" she yelled.
"Shut up! I was talkin to the goat!"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
How do you make 5 pounds of fat attractive?
but a n i pple on it. :D
One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
:laugh:
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for
years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke.
The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop
and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a
doctor. She was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled
back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his
bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you.
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
T
:o
WARNING completely tasteless and easily offensive religious joke....
So I was talking to Jesus the other day, and I was like "whats up jesus?"... He says "aww nothin' much, How have you been lately?", I says to him Im good how about you? "Well I'm kinda nervous" jesus replys. so I said what do you have to be nervous about, he says hes got a date this weekend. So I ask him, "So ahhhhhh, You think your gonna get lucky or what?" He says "Fu(k I hope so, This Bi-atch will screw anything thats not nailed down...."
Quote from: Chanse on June 24, 2009, 11:10:50 PM
WARNING completely tasteless and easily offensive religious joke....
So I was talking to Jesus the other day, and I was like "whats up jesus?"... He says "aww nothin' much, How have you been lately?", I says to him Im good how about you? "Well I'm kinda nervous" jesus replys. so I said what do you have to be nervous about, he says hes got a date this weekend. So I ask him, "So ahhhhhh, You think your gonna get lucky or what?" He says "Fu(k I hope so, This Bi-atch will screw anything thats not nailed down...."
Offensive yes, but still got a chuckle out of that
This ones a true story.....
So I was dealing at the casino I used to work at one night and my table goes dead, Im sitting there pretty bored so I start stepping up and down on the box under the table for the shorter dealers, This lady at the next table turns around and laughs and says what the hell are you doing? I said not even thinking "I always wondered what it would be like to have an extra 4 inches" thinking of the height... She almost falls out of her chair, a few minutes later she catches her breath and says hey.... You know what the difference between ooohhhhhh and aaaahhhhhhhh is. Thought about it and said no. She says about 4 inches....
Another casino story...
This little asian lady is playin at one of my tables and asks me.. in this sweet little old lady voice,,, scuse me sur... sur.. I said yes maam can I help ya. She says can I axs you a question, I said sure, She says SWEET POTATOES....... I said ummmmm ok. She says SWEET POTATOES.. Is that a fruit or a vegetable? I said a vegetable. She says Are you Sure... I says, Yes maam Im pretty sure. She says I dont know every time I eat them it sounds more like FRUIIITTTTT..
How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.
Another:
There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "f%$k YOU"
COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer f%$k you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.
Thats a good one, I like... lol
WARNING COMPLETLY TASTELESS:
god was my co-pilot until I crashed in the mountains and had to eat him to survive. I actually saw that on a bumper sticker one day.
I go to the dyslexic church of dog!
See told you awful tasteless jokes :technical:
WARNING THESE WILL GET YOU SLAPPED
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
nothing you already told her twice.
How do you fix a broken dishwasher?
slap her
ANOTHER TASTLESS ONE
"Ok buddy, you drop that cross one more time, and you're out of the parade!"
Why shouldnt you buy a woman a watch for her birthday.....
What the hell does she need a watch for there's a clock on the damn stove.
Quotegod was my co-pilot until I crashed in the mountains and had to eat him to survive. I actually saw that on a bumper sticker one day.
I go to the dyslexic church of dog!
See told you awful tasteless jokes
Dogs are not tasteless. It all depends on how you cook them.
-Porkchop
So far, page two of this thread SUCKS. lmao
A beautiful, well endowed, young blonde, goes to her local pet store in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Money Back Guarantee! (Comes with complete instructions).
The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her and whispers softly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one." The man packaged the frog and said, "Just follow the instructions carefully."
The girl nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, the girl takes out the instructions and reads them thoroughly, doing exactly what it says to do:
1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice smelling perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy teddy.
4. Crawl into bed and position the frog in place.
She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and, to her surprise, nothing happens! The girl is totally frustrated and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store." So, the girl calls the pet store.
The man says, "I had some complaints earlier today. I'll be right over." Within five minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The girl welcomes him in and says, "See, I've done everything according to the instructions and the damn thing just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and sternly says: "Listen to me! I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!"
A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.
"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.
"magic apples", the old man replied.
"Prove it", said the young man.
"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.
"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.
The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.
The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.
The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.
The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.
"I like to eat kitty cat." he snapped.
The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.
He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like shaZam!".
The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."
The sex frogs joke was hilarious!!! lmao
Quote from: annguyen1981 on June 26, 2009, 04:21:30 PM
The sex frogs joke was hilarious!!! lmao
yes, quite good
LMFAO :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
BREAKING NEWS!
Toy Box Scandal Revealed!
Last night a young girl open her toy box only to find Raggedy Anne sitting on Pinocchio's face screaming lye to me! lye to me! :o :icon_twisted:
this little girl was scared for life and later in developed a secret fetish... hmmm? :icon_twisted:
come on peeps, i know there more jokes out there....... where you at cafeboy, hell your a walking joke, look at ya.........
haha LOL :laugh:
:D have a few on me cafeboy :flipoff: :flipoff: :flipoff: OPPS, i meant these :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers: :cheers:
You know how to tell that GOD has a sense of humor gsagent ?
Look in the mirror. :icon_razz:
:laugh:
There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the name of the record company. In dialing, she erroneously called up a gas station, and she asks, "Do you have "Two Lips and Seven Kisses?"
The gas station attendant who answered the phone said, "No, but I have two nuts and seven inches!"
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Two doctors were in a hospital hallway one day complaining about Nurse Jenny. "She's incredibly dumb. She does everything absolutely backwards." said one doctor. "Just last week, I told her to give a patient 2 milligrams of Percocet every 10 hours. She gave him 10 milligrams every 2 hours. He nearly died on us!"
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. Earlier this week, I told her to give a patient an enema every 24 hours. She tried to give him 24 enemas in one hour! The guy nearly exploded!"
Suddenly, they hear this blood-curdling scream from down the hall. "Oh my God!" said the first doctor, "I just realized I told Nurse Jenny to prick Mr. Smith's boil!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man went into a store and began looking around. He saw a washer and dryer, but there was no price listed on them. He asked the sales person "How much are the washer and dryer?"
"Five dollars for both of them," the salesman said.
"Yeah right, you've got to be kidding me!" the man replied sarcastically.
"No, that's the price," the salesman said, "Do you want to buy them or not?"
"Yeah, I'll take them!" the customer responded.
He continued to look around and saw a car stereo system with a detachable face cassette player, a CD changer, amplifier, speakers, and subwoofers. "How much?" he asked.
"Five dollars for the system," the salesman answered.
"Is it stolen?" the guy asks.
"No," said the salesman, "It's brand new, do you want it or not?"
"Sure," the customer replied. He looked around some more.
Next he found a top of the line computer with printer and monitor. "How much?"
"Five dollars," was the familiar response.
"I'll take that too!" the man said.
As the salesperson is ringing up the purchases, the man asked him,
"Why are your prices so cheap?"
The salesman said, "Well, the owner of the store is at my house right now with my wife.
What he's doing to her, I'm doing to his business!"
THIS ONE JUST OUT:
What's the difference between a haaaaaaackey mom and a Pit Bull?
Pit Bulls don't quit! :woohoo:
Q: whats the problem with obama jokes?,
A: His followers dont think theyre funny, the rest dont think they are jokes
Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on July 04, 2009, 02:22:20 PM
Q: whats the problem with obama jokes?,
A: His followers dont think theyre funny, the rest dont think they are jokes
Now that's funny, I don't care WHO you are!
ill even go so far as to give a lol on the palin one you told
Oldy, but Goodun.
What's the difference between 0bama and God??
God doesn't think that he's 0bama
A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"
"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
( well i figure guys/gals IF this turns into a political war here, lets at least keep it in joke form. ) :icon_twisted:
Q. Why won't Barack Obama's presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.
:icon_lol: :icon_lol:
Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on July 04, 2009, 03:00:21 AM
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"
To which the man replied, "No, its average!"
Hahahahahahahahahahahh ... its average ... hahahahahahaha .... average - you hear that ... hahahahahahaha ...
That was funny ...
Cool.
Buddha.
Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on July 07, 2009, 03:07:32 AM
Q. Why won't Barack Obama's presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.
:icon_lol: :icon_lol:
This is not true ... true the left wing commies are driving ... but the right wing commies are right on their tail nagging them at every turn.
So ... it will fly ... just be a bit lopsided ... much like the whole country.
Cool.
Buddha.
this guy goes into a bar, orders a beer. the bartender serves him up and goes about cleaning the bar. the patron says "i got to go a little easier than last night" barkeep says "that so?" guy says "yeah. i got so drunk last night i blew "chunks"" bartender says, "that's ok. we've all made ourselves sick over indulging." guy says, "you don't understand. "Chunks" is the family Rottweiler."
Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know shaZam!?"
Oh I got a good one here ... its from 8-9 years ago but its easy to see its relevance.
George W Bush was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Bush, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the Bush. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles his little oily impish smile.
"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The Bush, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know Sheeite?"
Actually this joke has a punch line that makes sense too ...
And sadly, the same can be said of clinton, the older bush, regan, re-regan, carter, ford ... and so on.
The reason is ... these have all been lawyers, and though they can suck blood, they typically prefer the green kind, and even when they are sucking it, they dont sit and see what it is they are sucking.
These are people who would have possibly known things that are relevant in the real world at one time, but after that they have been insulated from any such reality by the "grooming machine" that they made such "pretty centerpieces" but lack any real substance.
This year we were offered the choice of the Black and young commie, or the white and old commie. The reason the black and young commie won and won by a wide margin, he was prettier and he was called a commie by the old dude. That really made people notice that the "pot was calling the kettle black" no pun intended.
And oh yea, Barack O bama was wrong about the stimulus, the stimulus should be bigger, much bigger. Was really not going to fly with a whole nation who hated the stimulus, we all saw it as a $$$ grab by wall street firms and we hated it. In fact I used to work for one of those and still hated it. Every time he said that, he lost a few million votes. Atleast to get closer to BOB, McCain should have derided the stimulus.
Cool.
Buddha.
One summer afternoon, Former President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. After a long road trip, they stopped at a service station to fill up their car with gas.
As it turns out, the owner of the gas station was Hillary's old high school boyfrined. They exchanged hello's and brief chit-chat before the former White House couple went on their way.
As they were making their way back home, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey... if you had stayed with him, you would now be the wife of a service station owner."
She smirked and replied, "No Bill, if I had stayed with him... he would have been the President of the United States!"
hhahahahahaha HILLARY.... shes got bigger balls than me..... ahhh oh wait a minute.....
An Iowa Sheriff stops at a farm in rural Ross County
and talks with an old farmer.
He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect
your ranch for illegal grown drugs...'
The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over
there.'
The Sheriff verbally explodes saying,
'Mister, I have the authority of the
Sheriffs Department with me.' Reaching
into his rear pant pocket and
removing his badge. The officer proudly
displays it to the farmer.
'See this badge? This badge means
I am allowed to go wherever
I wish..on any land. No questions asked
or answers given.
Have I made myself clear?
Do you understand?'
The old farmer nods politely and
goes about his chores.
Later, the old farmer hears loud screams
and spies the Sheriff running for
his life and close behind is the farmer's bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground
on the officer. The Sheriff is clearly terrified.
The old farmer immediately throws down
his tools, runs to the fence and yells
at the top of his lungs......
'Your badge!
Show him your badge Smartass!
^^^^^^ now that was good
Rather be a Smart ass then a Dumb ass Cop any day!
Hillary dont have bigger balls than anyone ... she just makes the guys balls shrink with every minute till they are samller than hers. In fact, she can make everyone who even sees her have theirs shrink ... even on TV ... if you had watched her in your life, ever, or even heard her, they will shrink.
If 2 nuts (I mean nuts like in almonds and brazil nuts) are having sexxxxxxx ... what would that be called.
Cashew sex ?
Yes the cashews cannot shrink from hillary because technically they are a fruit.
Bwaaaaaaaaa ...
Cool.
Buddha.
Quote from: JB848 on July 14, 2009, 12:37:11 PM
Rather be a Smart ass then a Dumb ass Cop any day!
Being one will make you the other most of the time.
This coming from experience there Cafeboy? LMAO JK
I have had to deal with a few. :dunno_white:
A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please.
The store clerk replies I'm sorry, we don't do business with blondes.
So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black.
The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please.
The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we don't do business with blondes.
The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde?
The clerk says Because thats a microwave.
What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water ? ? ? ? ?
It may take me a while to get hard, I was just layed by that chick over there.
Quote from: cafeboy on July 15, 2009, 11:11:36 AM
I have had to deal with a few. :dunno_white:
i was one briefly, im still a smartass tho :oops:
Obama motto: "If at first you don't succeed, change the rules."
Chuck Norris has Osama Bin Laden chained up in his backyard.
After Chuck Norris kills terrorists he takes away their 72 virgins.
Chuck Norris has hair on his feet. After he kicks someone in the head.
If Chuck Norris went to prison, he wouldn't be trapped with the other prisoners. They would be trapped with him.
Chuck Norris shaves using his own fingernails.
Chuck Norris eats frog legs so that they can't get away.
When Chuck Norris closes his eyes the world goes away.
Chuck Norris has sides of beef for appetizers.
Three little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell down when Chuck Norris round-house kicked him in the head.
King Kong wouldn't stand a chance against Chuckzilla.
Atlantis? Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can play World of Warcraft on dialup. And win.
Chuck Norris's bumper sticker: "I Stop for Nobody."
The building where they tape Walker: Texas Ranger is required by law to have fire escapes and Chuck Norris escapes.
When Chuck Norris takes a blood oath he always uses lots of the other person's blood.
Chuck Norris can slam elevator doors.
If Chuck Norris sees you eating curly fries he'll kill you.
Chuck Norris beats rocks, paper and scissors.
Chuck Norris carved an N in Zorro's chest.