Why are users in our company so utterly incompetent when it comes to computers? Even when you say something like "copy the folders to your computer, then you can run them from there," it is like telling them to realign the dilithuim matrix. Ugh! People make me crazy. Worse when you have to tell them you already told them how to solve their problem in previous emails and they still just don't get it. We're not talking about rocket science here.
Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!!
pull the duck move and send them to
Let Me Goggle That For You.com (http://bit.ly/Ho46sc)
ID10T error :technical:
Someone asked me once if I use the Ethernet to catch the Ether Bunny. They were serious.
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
===================================================
Customer: "I clicked 'Remove Pending Deals' and now the pending deal is gone!"
===================================================
User: "I've just unplugged my monitor from the wall in order to clean it without getting shocked. How do I plug it back in?"
I had about ten different responses flash through my mind, but as this guy was fairly high up on the food chain of management, I had to control myself. I said, "Align the pins with the hole, and push it into the socket." Satisfied, the user hung up.
===================================================
Customer: "Do I have to be online to backup online?"
===================================================
Customer: "How many pins does a sixteen-pin cable have?"
===================================================
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
===================================================
Customer: "I'm thinking about writing a book on the problems I'm having with S3 Video cards and Warp and..." (blah, blah, blah, etc.)
Tech Support: "What exactly is your problem?"
Customer: "I've downloaded the video drivers for the PS/VP's with the S3 chipset, and they won't work on my machine."
Tech Support: "Have you got a PS/VP sir?"
Customer: "Well...no."
===================================================
There was a really angry user who called me, saying my company was @#$!# and its products were !@#$@, and I was @#$*! too. He said he bought our graphics card, and it didn't work, and what the @&$!# was I going to do about it before he sued my lying butt.
After this I learned from him that he didn't actually have our product.
===================================================
Email from a customer:
I've bought a stolen CDD3610 which didn't come with any software or cables. Could you please send that to me? I presume I do have the full 12 months warranty?
===================================================
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
(http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/pebkac.jpg)
stupid lusers.
(http://www.thinkgeek.com/images/products/zoom/no-clue.jpg)
O00000000...kaaaayyyyy
Sometimes customers make it very hard to help them.
This is from our tech support message board. This had been going on for a couple days trying to find out what his problem was. Something to do with team names losing characters.
CUSTOMER:
Not sure if this has anything to do with it but we do like to use Clipart in between the team names and the WIN/LOSS column on the Front Page Standings sheet. Maybe this has something to do with it????
ME:
Your clip art does not have a transparent background and it is blocking out some letters.
It would have helped to know that from the start.
CUSTOMER:
Uhmmm yeah Patrick.....the Clipart is RESIZED as to not block any letters. I am not that much of an idiot. Thanks!
ME:
You are the only person in the world with this problem. That would indicate it is something you are doing. To our knowledge, you are the only one that puts clip art after team names. Seems your clip art is covering up the names.
You are not clear at all about where the names are losing characters.
Is it simply hiding part of the name on the standing sheet?
How do the team names look on the score entry screen? The team roster screen? The recap sheets? Are they complete there?
If it is OK everywhere except the standing sheet, it is the graphics you are putting on the standing sheet that is hiding parts of the names.
You asked for help. We're looking at why only you have a problem. If you feel posing possible solutions makes you feel like an idiot, then I am sorry you can not accept the fact that you could be causing the problem.
CUSTOMER:
Here is another League sheet example WITHOUT any clipart in the same section that we have had problems with: http://www.harleysbowl.com/images/Si...ssicfall11.pdf
Hope this is helpful!
Thank you.
ME:
I do not see any team names that look like letters are missing.
What team names are wrong?
Who are the other 4 people you speak of with the same problem? We would like to contact them as they have never contacted us with this problem.
CUSTOMER:
The League sheets I supplied are CORRECTED and updated and do not show any errors. I apparently was having a hard time explaining the way we do our League Standings sheets and thought an example to what they looked like would better help you to understand. When this problem occurs again I will be sure to notify you. Thank you
ME:
Call me an idiot - but how in the world are we supposed to see you problem if you only show CORRECTED standing sheets? Duh!!!!!
"Hey guys, I have a problem with team names. Here's a standing sheet that DOES NOT have the problem so how about looking at this and telling me what is wrong?"
(He did not appreciate my response)
In the DOS days years ago, I had a customer call me and ask:
"I got an error about general failure reading drive A:
Who is general failure, and why is he commanding my computer?"
I was speechless to say the least.
I'm one of the wankers on the other end of the phone. Often times the IT guy gives advice, I agree and go off to implement what he said, and then something else doesn't work. :technical: It's easier to play dumb and just have him take the job start to finish! :cheers:
http://notalwaysright.com/
-Jessie
i had someone REALLY piss me off. first i had them make a backup, of the os. anyhoo, i then told them to solve their problem, to format drive d, e and f ( one containing porno, music, and games. ) THEN format c: talked him through the os install. being polite cause i KNEW he was going to be pissed. i said check d, e and f drives. ( nothing. almost 100gb of pr0n, 100gb music and 250gb of games. ( from steam) he owned the game s so i didnt cost him any money but 4 days of time downloading them. he was ill, i said, next time dont piss off the computer guy
Quote from: BaltimoreGS on April 06, 2012, 04:04:33 PM
http://notalwaysright.com/
-Jessie
Right on! :thumb:
Whenever I call my IP tech support I am put through to the Philipines. And so begins an exercise in frustration. The problem is, besides not understanding idiomatic language, they cannot think outside of their prewritten scripts in dealing with problems. It's like that seen in Star Wars I - Let us pass we are taking these people to Corosant. Where are you taking these people? To Corosant? Um, that does not computer.
Example...
Me: I cannot seem to connect to the internet. Only two lights on my modem and not three.
Support: yes, but you see, it says you are connected.
Me: It doesn't matter what it says, I am telling you there are only 2 lights on my modem not 3
Support: Yes, that's right. But you are connected.
Me: Look. There are only 2 lights on my modem. I cannot go anywhere. I've tried PINGING your site and I get nothing.
Support: But you are connected. Why don't you bring up the CMD promt (I do this), type PING XXXXXX (which I do). What do you see?
Me: Cannot reach host
Support: Hmmmm. You are not connected. Is your modem on?
Me: Yes
Support: How many lights?
Me: Two
Support: Hmmm. There should be 3. Are you sure there are just two lights on?
Me: Yes.
Support: Have you power cycled the modem?
Me: yes, a dozen times.
Support: Ok. Yes. Well, first turn off your modem (we wait), now turn your modem back on. How many lights?
Me: two lights.
Support: try going to XXXX
Me: Nothing happens. I just get page not available
Support. Ok. Hmmm. Please hold sir I will upgrade this to a level 2 technician (I wait)
Support: Hi my name is Illegible. Sir, how many lights do you have on your modem.
Me: Two
Support: There should be three. Are you sure you do not have 3?
Me: yes am am sure. Do you people understand english or what? How many times do I have to tell you people I only have two lights on? I've already pinged your site with no results. I've already done this with the other technician. I cannot get online.
Support: yes sir. Please go to Start, run and type CMD
Me: Aren't you people listening?
Support: Yes sir. Please go to start, run and type CMD
ME: Done, now what?
Support: type PING XXXX and tell me what it says
Me: Says it cannot find host. 5 packets sent none received
Support: Hmmm. Ok, bring up your webbrowser and type XXXXX and tell me what it says.
Me: page not available.
Support: Hmmm seems you are not online. How many lights are on your modem?
Me: two
Support: Hmmm. There should be three.
Me: I know there should be three. So it is obviously at YOUR end. Just reset my connection.
Support: Ok. yes. let me have a look at your connection. Do you mind waiting.
Me: No, not at all.
Support: Ok sir, it seems our system is not recognising your sign in.
Me: Yes.
Support: Hang on sir I shall reset it.
This is what I go through every month or two. Same shaZam! every time. Does my head in.
Once, I got as high as a level 5 tech support. At this point a guy in Australia called me. Thankfully. At last. He had it sorted in less than two minutes.
Seems to me there is a difference between reading, writing and speaking a language and UNDERSTANDING a language at a core level. The English speakers in the 'pines just don't seem to have that Understanding/comprehension.
Michael
Quote from: mister on April 06, 2012, 08:27:59 PM
Quote from: BaltimoreGS on April 06, 2012, 04:04:33 PM
http://notalwaysright.com/
-Jessie
Right on! :thumb:
Whenever I call my IP tech support I am put through to the Philipines. And so begins an exercise in frustration. The problem is, besides not understanding idiomatic language, they cannot think outside of their prewritten scripts in dealing with problems. It's like that seen in Star Wars I - Let us pass we are taking these people to Corosant. Where are you taking these people? To Corosant? Um, that does not computer.
Example...
Me: I cannot seem to connect to the internet. Only two lights on my modem and not three.
Support: yes, but you see, it says you are connected.
Me: It doesn't matter what it says, I am telling you there are only 2 lights on my modem not 3
Support: Yes, that's right. But you are connected.
Me: Look. There are only 2 lights on my modem. I cannot go anywhere. I've tried PINGING your site and I get nothing.
Support: But you are connected. Why don't you bring up the CMD promt (I do this), type PING XXXXXX (which I do). What do you see?
Me: Cannot reach host
Support: Hmmmm. You are not connected. Is your modem on?
Me: Yes
Support: How many lights?
Me: Two
Support: Hmmm. There should be 3. Are you sure there are just two lights on?
Me: Yes.
Support: Have you power cycled the modem?
Me: yes, a dozen times.
Support: Ok. Yes. Well, first turn off your modem (we wait), now turn your modem back on. How many lights?
Me: two lights.
Support: try going to XXXX
Me: Nothing happens. I just get page not available
Support. Ok. Hmmm. Please hold sir I will upgrade this to a level 2 technician (I wait)
Support: Hi my name is Illegible. Sir, how many lights do you have on your modem.
Me: Two
Support: There should be three. Are you sure you do not have 3?
Me: yes am am sure. Do you people understand english or what? How many times do I have to tell you people I only have two lights on? I've already pinged your site with no results. I've already done this with the other technician. I cannot get online.
Support: yes sir. Please go to Start, run and type CMD
Me: Aren't you people listening?
Support: Yes sir. Please go to start, run and type CMD
ME: Done, now what?
Support: type PING XXXX and tell me what it says
Me: Says it cannot find host. 5 packets sent none received
Support: Hmmm. Ok, bring up your webbrowser and type XXXXX and tell me what it says.
Me: page not available.
Support: Hmmm seems you are not online. How many lights are on your modem?
Me: two
Support: Hmmm. There should be three.
Me: I know there should be three. So it is obviously at YOUR end. Just reset my connection.
Support: Ok. yes. let me have a look at your connection. Do you mind waiting.
Me: No, not at all.
Support: Ok sir, it seems our system is not recognising your sign in.
Me: Yes.
Support: Hang on sir I shall reset it.
This is what I go through every month or two. Same shaZam! every time. Does my head in.
Once, I got as high as a level 5 tech support. At this point a guy in Australia called me. Thankfully. At last. He had it sorted in less than two minutes.
Seems to me there is a difference between reading, writing and speaking a language and UNDERSTANDING a language at a core level. The English speakers in the 'pines just don't seem to have that Understanding/comprehension.
Michael
So true...
Quote from: john on April 06, 2012, 11:32:28 AM
Why are users in our company so utterly incompetent when it comes to computers? Even when you say something like "copy the folders to your computer, then you can run them from there," it is like telling them to realign the dilithuim matrix. Ugh! People make me crazy. Worse when you have to tell them you already told them how to solve their problem in previous emails and they still just don't get it. We're not talking about rocket science here.
Arrrrgggghhhh!!!!!
before i moved to phoenix, i worked for an attorney. as his live i maint. man. drove his 69 caddy vert. as a company car lol. anyhoo he got a buch of electronics to put into media room. called me up stairs, and said why the hell si this thing not running. i put it in the rack liek you said, and nothing what gives? take back for warranty?, i said, well, 2 questions. 1 did you tuirn it on? ( pressed power button... nothing. ) second question did you plug it in? guy been in school for almost a decade for law. but forgot that very minor detail. worked fine after that. our arrange ment was, i teach him things like that, and he helps me out as far as stuff a lawyer would notmally charge for. after a few drinks we were laughing our heads off lol
Quote from: adidasguy on April 06, 2012, 12:39:57 PM
O00000000...kaaaayyyyy
reminds me of a buddy of mine i sold my old pc to. may end up sellign this oen to also need somehtign stronger tbh, cant run the info program my medical devices need to ruin on. anyhoo. i had keyloggers installed. because of house guests ordering educational films. anyhoo fruiend calls saying ( damn wtf, this pc is running slower than shaZam!. wtf is yourt problem, ( i had also enabled remote. ) i siad first thigns first. if you expect my help Correct your tone wiht me. otherwise, liek an ex,you aint gettin shaZam!. second. turn off camfrog, myspace, and the 4 toolbars you have installed.
him: i dont have 4 toolbars installed:
tyoolbar 1 was installed 30 minutes after pwoerup., 2 14 mins aft,3, 35 after and finally 4 14 mins later. and you say your pc's have no virus' second. regarding the printer not working. plug it in. at both ends. at pc and at wall. AND USE A f%$king spike bar. now before we begin. turn off yahoo chat to anyone else but us. ( hes liek. no one else but us. ( i read off names, hes gettin ill about it. , i said, if shannon, crystal, bambi, and ronda can help you go for ti. im not going to wait 20 minutes for replies. if i have to coem over there to repair what youve f%&ked up i WILL charge you. pc was CLEAN when brought over. except for the keylogger. he goes off about that. i say, keylogger cause i cant get a straight answer from you. EVER. the pc tells me what happens. it helps me solve your problems more htan you do. also remove the weatherbug program, as well as cool web search. both of which slow a ferrari down to speeds slower than a bicycle. hes liek idk how htey got there. ( i said, it came in with camfrog. dude youre not 23, you are 38, i removed programs, and set it up so a query to those pages results in a 404 error. PERMANENTLY. (easiest trick ever tbh) after removing his stuff, restarting pc, and getting it set up, i installed spybot s&d, as well as adaware. to autorun every 2 days. same with avg. he says " ill run em dont worry. i said yeah you told me this 12 times previous, and im called 2 weeks afterwards to undo your messups. so this aint happening again. i know when hes online cause his messenger gets spammed by random people looking to be addded to friends lists. so i log in. i have this installed and triggered by keystroke.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viDkXBVs5_M&feature=related. i am no hacker by any means. unless you count hte pong virus at walmart a few years back.
You are not alone, my friend. I often wonder why I chose the drudgery of thinking rationally for a living. It sure doesn't pay very well! My sons have the same problem. They're in the cell phone business. They answer stupid questions all day long, anything from how to I turn my phone back on, how to I plug the charger in, or how do they get on the internet when they're not paying for internet service. The best one is when they storm into the store and angrily proclaim "My phone suddenly stopped working!". Then one of my boys checks the account to find out the bill isn't paid or it's stolen and the owner had it shut-off. The second best one is the girl who storms into the store screaming her phone keeps going dead. When asked when was the last time she charged it for 8 hours the reply is "oh, 2 or 3 days ago".
You are in good company! :cheers:
Funny thing is I used to offer advice to friends and family, good advice as far as what to buy, or how to solve an issue. So many times they would come back to me later and tell me they were still having a problem, or the computer they bought won't run what want fast enough...THEN tell me that their friend's cousin's uncle said my advice was stupid and they took said friend's cousin's uncle's advice which was wrong or worse destructive (to data). THEN these same people had the balls to ask me to fix their problems!
Needless to say that when people ask me or my wife if I can advise them I simply say either: Just buy a Dell or HP because they are the best. OR I tell them I do not give advice or do any personal home computer work. Yes people have called me a duck, but I have no more issues with family and friends.
And working on personal computers is a total nightmare. They always end up a disaster, and you are married to the person because they think every subsequent problem is something you did. I refer all people to Data Doctors now with the caveat that they could buy a new computer for what they will charge them... At least it isn't my headache.
If you are in IT you learn to stay away from working on home (non-business) systems, and limit advice to bare minimum.