feel free to post your own as well. anyhoo got this in an email:
"
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .
The Personnel Manager said,
'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'
Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'
The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'
Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green,
And I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'
Mujibar now works at a call centre.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
A blind man walks into the bar with a seeing-eye dog. When the blind man reaches the center of the bar, he snatches the dog up by his collar and starts swinging him around and around.
The bartender speaks up and says, "Hey, what the hell are you doing?!"
The blind man says, "Just taking a look around."
A man storms into a bar, orders a drink, slams it back in one, and stands up to declare to all present: "I just want everyone to know that lawyers are [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]."
"Hey!" yells a guy in the back of the bar. "I take exception to that!"
"What," the first man snarls, "are you a lawyer?"
"No, I'm an [EXPLETIVE REDACTED]."
A man walks into the bar and pulls from his jacket a tiny man and an equally tiny piano. The tiny man plays the piano perfectly, to the amusement of the crowd. The bartender asks the man how he got him.
The man shows the bartender a magic lamp and offers to sell it for one hundred dollars to which the bartender agrees. A genie appears from the lamp and offers one wish. The bartender asks for "a million bucks".
Moments later, the entire bar is filled with an insane number of ducks. After the bar is evacuated, the bartender tells the man, "Dammit, I asked for a million bucks! Not ducks! Bucks!"
The man says, "Tell me about it. Do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?"
A grasshopper walks into a bar and takes a seat on the stool, the bar keep says; You know we have a drink named after you.--the grasshopper says; You have a drink called Fred?
A man walks into a bar with his dog and bets anyone that the dog can talk, a patron takes the challenge and asks for proof. The owner asks the dog who is the greatest baseball player who ever lived----The dog says Ruth! Ruth!--- With cries of fake and phony the two are ejected from the bar. As they are walking away the dog turns to the owner and says; "I get the feeling I should have said DiMaggio".
a pirate, a nun, a jew, an athiest, and a truck driver walk into a bar, barkeep looks @ tham and says " WTF is this, some kind of joke?"
An engineer was leaving work one day.On his way out he see's the CEO trying to put a peice of paper in the shredder. the CEO asks him, 'Can you make this thing work? My secretaries off today and its real important.' the Engineer turns it on and puts the paper into the shredder. As its slowly dissappearing into the shredder the CEO says,'I only need one copy'
This is what I get to deal with DAILY.
Question:
What's the worst part of eating a vegtible?
Answer:
The wheel chair...
Conclusion?
Agh sh*t I'm going to get banned? :(
"According to a new book coming out by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author, apparently when he was in high school, President Obama smoked large amounts of marijuana. You know what that means? He could be our first green president." –Jay Leno