dating and ex girlfriends

[indestructibleman]

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

[pantablo]

There is nothing like a Grudge f%$k!

there's nothing like a f%$k. period.

[Roadstergal]

Trying to get an explanation of how the opposite sex thinks, why they do what they do......Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar forget it.

Darn, and I was hoping for some insight.  

[conflicttheorist]

My personal formula for getting over an ex requires taking the amont of time you dated them, and then spending twice that amount of time without communicating with them.  Being friends with and ex is not only a waste of time (you could be spending that time with your girlfriend or a prospect) but just a cause of grief (especially if you have a new gf).  Even if your aren't caused grief, often you are mindfunking the other party. The exception to this is non-serious flings, but it has to be understood that way by both of you.
I'm willing to bet my life savings that at least a few of these exes that roadster gal is friends with, for example, still had feelings for her or were strung along etc... by only her good intentions, of course.
Haven't you ever heard the song "You've got to be cruel to be kind?"  Make that cut fast and quick my friends...

[RVertigo]

Being friends with and ex is not only a waste of time but just a cause of grief

+1 Most of the time...

I know a few people that can pull it off, but I never could.

I don't give up easy though... So, by the time it's over it's OVER!!!!!  If no one ends up trying to kill the other, that's a success.

I actually had to throw an ex out of my house a few times...  She was totally nuts.  She broke up with me (after semi-cheating on me) and wanted NOTHING to do with me...   Until I got a new GF (which I eventually married)... Then the crazy ExGF called me every day, came over to my house all the time, started harassing my GF and friends...  She actually called my GF to see if she wanted to get in on a three-way with her and her BF.

It only got worse from there...  She got CRAZY into coke...  Then she got pregnant...  Then her BF (baby's father) ODed and died...

Talk about dodging a bullet!!!

I ran into her a few years later and she seemed to have straightened out...  And her kid looked normal.  :lol:

[The Buddha]

Everyone enters a relationship to get something they NEED.  

The weaker personality ALWAYS loses.

You're much better off in a relationship where THEY chased YOU.

If YOU fall head over heals YOU'RE going to take another big fall down the road.

A few "truisms" from your pal joe.

So true Joe ... you know I actually agree with this guy to a certain extent even in his most inflammatory flame starters ... You are what is called a contrarian ... Just in it for the argument ... argue with me and you'll be my friend, dont argue or like most sales idiots do ... start an argument and then adopt a policy of "The customer's always right" ... then you'll get slammed ... I am right because you're a moron ... not because I'm the "customer" ...  
Anyway ... Weaker personality loses yes ... but does the stronger personality acknowledge that and is thankful for that - that will be the real test ...
If they chase you ... you'll have the upper hand ... especially if it happened twice ... mainly because statistically one is the steady one and the fickle one always will end up yeilding ... important not to take advantage of that ... Lessons from my real life ... I dont actually divulge that ... cos That would leave me sounding like Dr Phil or Dr Pill ...
:lol: Anyway ... if a girl after breaking up says she wants to be your friend ... usually ... You go ... Be friend ... with me ... wait till she says yes ... then go ... no ... OK fine its not as damaging as other things that can be said ... like you dont know bikes, you dont know computers ... you dont know sports, you dont know even decent math ... so why would I want such a 1 dimensional friend ... or worse ... So like you'd call me if you need to move heavy furniture or fix your car etc ... but you dont put out ... ha ha ...
Cool.
Srinath.

[ScottWV]

Being friends with and ex is not only a waste of time but just a cause of grief

If you try at being friends, yes it will just cause grief.  I don't try, and that seems to work.  My girlfriend and I broke up after six years of dating.  At first we didn't speak, and when we did the things being said weren't very nice.  But slowly we've forgiven each other for various things, and we're "friends", so to speak. It's been about six months since the split.  We live several towns apart, so I've seen her only 2-3 times since our split, we go to lunch, catch up, leave.  Also some occasional emails.  Last time I spoke to her was a few weeks ago, so it's not very often.  Like I said, I don't try to be her friend, if we get along, fine.  If not, then that's how it has to be.  But it's nice to still be able to talk to her, despite our differences that caused us to go our seperate ways.

Of course, maybe she's just being friendly so I'll still take her out on the Suki  :lol:

[Roadstergal]

Being friends with and ex is not only a waste of time (you could be spending that time with your girlfriend or a prospect) but just a cause of grief (especially if you have a new gf).

I don't agree.  Being in that not-friends-pretending-to-be-friends-to-get-the-other-person-back-or-to-get-back-at-the-other-person is bad and destructive, but once you've had that cooling-off period (which is longer than most people want to give it; a year of absolutely no contact isn't a bad rule of thumb), there's nothing wrong and everything good about honestly being friends.  I would never sleep with a guy I didn't like enough to stay friends with him afterwards.  One of my exes has a new girlfriend, and we hang out sometimes and watch movies or go on drives.  Not often, maybe once a month or so, but friends are a good thing - and we've helped each other out here and there, as friends do.

[Blueknyt]

ah, but left out the other one,  Friends with Benifits.  

No, alot of Ex's ive seen from many age groups and duration of relationships.
are just vengful, and spiteful.   most of these folks cant stand what they themselves become and blame the other person.

[Roadstergal]

No, alot of Ex's ive seen from many age groups and duration of relationships.
are just vengful, and spiteful.   most of these folks cant stand what they themselves become and blame the other person.

Hmm, that just hasn't been my experience.  I won't say that I'm all cozy with all of my exes - a couple I just don't see, and that's fine - and I won't say that all my breakups have been smooth, but this long-term bitterness - that hasn't been my experience.

Love is a risk, and if you walk in knowing the risk and accepting it, you'll be prepared for when the dice don't fall your way.  And you'd better make damn sure the other person is, too.  
Everyone has had his or her heart broken; it feels like caca at the time, but it's nothing new.  It has happened before and will happen again.  So you have your funk and you get over it.

[Laura]

I totally agree with Roadstergal. I'm still friends with a couple of my exes. They are good guys, but we just weren't right for each other anymore.  :dunno:  Nothing awful happened, we shared a good portion of our lives with each other, we still care about each other.

As far as the crazy ex stories, like the ones who call constantly, who call your current girlfriends, who can't let go, who get into drugs, blah blah blah- that has nothing to do with trying to be friends with an ex. If you don't want that sort of stuff in your life, don't date psychos in the first place!

[The Buddha]

OK No offence but I did wait like 2 days and no one posted what they're thinking ... so I decided to ...
"The guys may just be waiting for the right moment ... "
OK OK stop throwing bricks ... OK I didn't mean that ...  :lol:  
OK fine if you dont think so ... maybe then you're not so hot anymore ...
Oh no ... here comes the shot gun ...
Cool.
Srinath.
:lol:

[Blazinjr]

I went out with a girl for almost 2 years and we were engaged.  We took about a month break because she said she needed some space.  We got back together for a couple of months and just when things got back to normal she did it again, but this time she cheated on me. :guns: She broke my heart again!

Her sister called me the next day to talk.

That night ......... her sister....... EXs' bed, floor, and cedar chest.

Whenever I see her I smile and say "hi" and think of her sister.

I am now happily married(not the sister or EX) going on 8 years on 8-16 with 2 kids and I would not change a thing.  Other than picking up all of those polaroids except the one that was left on her pillow.

[JMyrick]

The worst thing is one time i was dating this girl who went off to collage. That was cool untill she thought she was better than me. So I ditched her and found who is now my wife but anyway like 2 months after I left the ex I come home (I was still living with the rents) and shes in the house having coffee with my mom, needless to say I went Ballistic on that  :guns: But now from what I hear she ugly and fat now but she still has that collage degree.


Joe

[Jazzzzz]

I started dating my wife back in my senior year of high school (10 years ago).  After about 2.5 years in we broke up for approximately a year and a half, during which time I was relegated to the status of booty call whenever she came to visit Cleveland -- these were our college years, and she wanted to date around a bit.  I was heartbroken, and the experience made me bitter - it didn't help that less than a week after she'd dumped me she was shacking up with the guy in the apartment next to hers at OU.

My emotions in my youth were far more intense and difficult to deal with, and I blame that on hormones and inexperience.  Still, that breakup remains a sore spot with me, and my wife and I tease each other about it mercilessly.  I still call her the BJ queen of Ohio University every now and then

I wound up sowing my wild oats among several different girlfriends, but I never really fell in love with any of them.  Cara (my wife) kept in touch - figuratively, and literally, about every month or so - and when she was making plans to attend UGA for her Master's, I decided to bail on Ohio and move down to Georgia with her to start over again.  It was a terribly risky move, but it paid off.  We've been together ever since.  That being said, I wish that she had not made the monthly booty calls while we were broken up.  Even though I was not in exclusive relationships with any of the girls I was dating, I felt guilty about shagging the ex behind their backs.  It also kept me from getting emotionally involved with any of them beyond a very basic level as well.  Probably why I didn't date any of them for more than a few weeks.

Enough of the semi-maudlin crap -- I do have one crazy ex-gf story.  Before I dated Cara, I had an on-again-off-again relationship with a girl two years my junior in highschool.  Very hot and heavy, mostly physical attraction.  We never had sex though, just everything shy of it.  We broke up early in my senior year, and I started dating Cara not long after.

During winter break my freshman year in college, I got a call from the ex's father; he was raging about me dishonoring his daughter, shirking my responsibilities, etc. etc.  After a few confused minutes, I came to find out that she'd gotten pregnant and had told her folks I was the father. After we broke up, she'd starting rebelling against her folks (she was pretty straight-laced, valedictorian of her class, cheerleader, etc.) by hanging out with the "wrong" crowd, drinking and smoking a lot of weed, etc.  She'd also slept around a bit with friends and coworkers, and one of those coworkers had knocked her up.  Since I was the only recent boyfriend she'd had that her parents liked, she said it was me, trying to deflect some of their anger.  I had to go over to her house and call her out in front of her folks to find all of this out.  I'd gone more than a year without thinking about her at all, and then this!  Just when I thought I was out, she pulled me back in...

[JMyrick]

yeha thats bad Im glad I didnt go thru that.  But it is good you got to show her for the person she really was

Joe

[ashman]

Not to rehash a REALLLY OLD POST!!!

But here I am again, another recent ex girlfriend and now she is trying to hang out with my social circle. Its making me not want to see my friends, bull crap! Anyway, reading back through this post from years ago there is SO MUCH WISDOM on this board!

Beer makes all better.

-Ash

[k.rollin]

How does one date others while still living with their ex? A bit of background info, I moved in with my ex a year ago because it was convenient, and renewed my lease back in April. We broke up at the end of August after 18 months, and I'm stuck here for another year (broke college student, can't afford to move out and get a new pad at the moment). I screwed up by moving in, didn't I?

[bettingpython]

How does one date others while still living with their ex? A bit of background info, I moved in with my ex a year ago because it was convenient, and renewed my lease back in April. We broke up at the end of August after 18 months, and I'm stuck here for another year (broke college student, can't afford to move out and get a new pad at the moment). I screwed up by moving in, didn't I?

Don't mention the fact that she is an ex girlfriend.... duh, she is now just another room mate, bring all the poontang home that you want.

[Twism86]

How does one date others while still living with their ex? A bit of background info, I moved in with my ex a year ago because it was convenient, and renewed my lease back in April. We broke up at the end of August after 18 months, and I'm stuck here for another year (broke college student, can't afford to move out and get a new pad at the moment). I screwed up by moving in, didn't I?

Don't mention the fact that she is an ex girlfriend.... duh, she is now just another room mate, bring all the poontang home that you want.

And if it doesnt work out with the one you bring home maybe the ex will get jealous and want another ride on the old bologna pony!