hhorrible terrible new...i dont know if i can go on...i never would have imagine

[frankieG]

summary, i am 45 years old and my father left or was kicked out of the home when i was 2.  i never say him, had any contact or pics, cards anything.  no one would talk about him to me.  it was just something that over the years was dropped.  then comes the Internet.  my mother and daughter were over on Saturday bringing me pictures to scan and put on disk.  my daughter mentions a face book search she did on my fathers name..there was one but no pic.  but under friends there were two other's with the same last name frank and timothy....i am frank(of course) and my younger brother is timothy.  but the pics in face book did not match us.  so Lisa told me about this.  i got my new computer Wednesday and was setting it up.  while doing so i decided to look up the names my daughter mentioned.  yup like she said so i sent an e-mail asking if the guy knew my dad and giving mine and my brothers name in full.  it came back Thursday, yesterday, it is my father.  so i called him and we spoke for about an hour or so.  but he told me something that you here know is a deal breaker with me.  when i was told i felt shame, then guilt, then anger and finally acceptance.  OK here is goes...the father i have not seen or known in 45 year..... rides a Harley.. i know i know  how do you think i feel.  i mean if he were a mass murderer that used babies as kindling to keep his cave in Afghanistan warm so they can attack the infidels i could live with...but this Harley thing?  i just don't know.  i means is it genetic? does it mean i will someday get a Harley?  i would rather kill myself.   

anyhoo after 45 years i found my father

[The Buddha]

No you clown ... it just means that you're a jerk ... that is the part that is hereditary ... Ha ha ... Congrads, my neighbor rode a harley ... he was OK, you need people who ride harleys ... not people who have harleys ...

Anyway, wish my dad rode a harley, he's been dead for 20 years.

Evidently I inherited his mechanical acumen ... however that is only to the untrained eye ... my dad was better at the hard and heavy things ... I am better at the small and fuzzy concepts ... carbs, electrical boxes, oil passages ... pressure, flow, etc etc etc ... well some like that. But to the untrained eye, my mom, uncles, aunts, cousins etc etc who really loved my dad, I can cause them to swoon just being myself in my element ...
Cool.
Buddha.

[bombadillo]

Nah, its the bike, you should forfeit your bike to me immediately and commence with the ending of your own life.  Sepuku maybe??

[quiktaco]

Congrats on finding your dad.  Too bad about the Harley thing.  Hope it all works out.

[B kizzle]

2 wheels...that's all that really matters!

[Big Lou]

first the zx14, now harleys too?  Christ, I might as well start my own class. The "not-quite-totally-just-a-sportbike-because-I still-love-harleys-and-most-things-with-a-big-v-twin-in-it-but-I-love-the-sport-bikes-for-the-speed-and-adrenaline-rush...rider."  Please don't ban me from the forum.  I have no where else to go.

[yamahonkawazuki]

another harley bashing thread    ( go figure) , but grats on finding dad  i forgot, according to you all HD riders are, let see, lame, dumb, morons stupid etc etc etc. and thats not counting the phd's and atty's who ride em, but according to you, theyre in that group as well

[frankieG]

he and his family only live about an hour and a half away but i have not met him yet.  i have not been able to sleep since we make contact and every time i think of, or he mentions, meeting i almost pass out.  i just don't know what to do or how to do it.  i am worried he will not like me or i might not like him.. i have no memories of him at all.  he came home from work one day in 1967 and ma had left taking my brother and i with her.  he has never seen or heard from us since.  ma also changed our names which made tracking us down completely ...err very hard.

[makenzie71]

Just meet him. Meet for dinner or something.  That's how my dad handled his similar situation.  His first marriage was to a complete nutcase and she just went to the school one day and got their boy and left...no word, no "I'm leaving" in lipstick on the mirror...just left.  About 30 years later the kid looked dad up and came to visit.  It was a great relief to dad to know his first kid was doing okay and they tied a few bridges back together.  It was great.

Think about it...what do you have to lose?  You might get a father and a friend out of it but, at worst, you mightl lose a father you never had.

[starwalt]

I completely understand about the lost father syndrome. Mine died when the wife was pregnant with our first child (who is 24 now). He was quiet a character and left a trail of kids, legal and otherwise.

With the advent of the net, several have reached out and touched me looking for him.
After a while it was easier to put together a simple web page.

RLS legacy page

People respond differently when skeletons in the closet are brought into the daylight.

Go slow and realize that maybe 200 years from now someone may be looking for what you did in the past.   

[jhutch2115]

           I too can related to having an absent father. My parrents split when I was about 2 yrs old and my Dad seen me until age four then I didn't see him until age 11 and was in the 6th grade, eventhough he would visit the nextdoor neighbor. When I started seeing him again it was tough, because when I went to visit him and my step mother brother i did not feel accepted by them. They would riddicule me about everything and I didn't feel comfortable staying at their house, not even to get a glass of something to drink out of the fridgerator! So, after about 2.5 yrs I stopped seeing and taliking with my dad, until my senior year in highschool when I told him about joining the Navy (no he did't attend my graduation not nor did he send a card.) Through out my 6 yr enlistment I would see him when I came home on leave for a few hrs, and rarely spoke to him after I got out of the Navy and got married (no he did not attend my wedding.) Until one day my Dad called me after having to get intouch with his own mortality; his MD told him that he had to have quadrouple by-pass surgery after smokinh 5 packs of ciggs a day since the age of about 12. Since that day we have grow a bit closer or as close as my Dad will allow another person to become. He often calls me when we have not spoken in a few weeks, and he sends me a christmas gift each year. However he did give me the greatist gift when I was 24 yrs old and home on terminal leave from the Navy! He told me for the first time in my lif that he loved me! This provided me a lot of closure in my life!
           The way that I have dealt with our relationship has been accepting what my Dad can give to me on an emotional level (he's no Ward Cleaver), accepting that he loves me in his own way and recognizing it, an appreciatiing it when I do get more! Lastly, I let the chips land where they fall! The life lesson that I have gotten from our relationship is: if I have children not to make the same mistakes he made with me, and I have learned how to truely forgive those people in my life that are important and that I love, and not to carry a grudge! Franky best wishes with your new found relationship with your father!!! --- Jim      

[Ry_Guy]

Tough situation man. If you meet up with him, you will certainly satisfy your curiosity. But be careful what you wish for. I mean, you already have the harley thing to cope with. Best of luck to ya.

[yamahonkawazuki]

f%$k the damned harley. do what your heart tells you to do

[bettingpython]

My father is listed as unknown on my birth certificate. I got a name from my mom once. Thought about looking for him but by then it had been 30 years. Man's probably got his own family, and I understand there was some papers signed by my family realesing him from all liability....yada yada yada. The slowly dwindling remannts of my family still live in the little community my mom was from. He could have found me if he was ever curios.

[frankieG]

i am going to spend a week with him starting wednesday. i have 2 brothers and 2 sisters i never knew anything about.   i cried allot last night because all my life all i wanted was a father and now i have one. mine, my dad, my father.

[bettingpython]

congrats frankie, I hope it's a joyous meeting.

[frankieG]

once again the compassion and sharing of this board impresses me.  we are a family here no matter what.  i have spoken to my father everyday since we found each other.   i have 2 brothers and 2 sisters.  one of dads "new family" kids is named tim so is my brother.  so i now have two brothers named tim..how funny is that.   i am spending the Canadian thanksgiving with them.  he has been married for 40 years to the same woman which tells me loads about him.  my mother has been married 5 times and that does not include nut ass BF's that pulled guns on my brother and i as well as her.   he came home from work one day and ma had taken my brother and i back to Canada.   she even changed our names.  but thanks to coincidence and the Internet we finally found each other.  i am happy as a clam.

[TonyKZ1]

Congrats, on finding your father after all these years and the re-union. Enjoy the thanksgiving holiday and to continue enjoying the time that you have left with him. As for the Harley, well at least he's riding a motorcycle so that's okay too.
Tony

[The Buddha]

Yea yea I'm impressed too ... now can I get my parts ... some of us have been waiting for 18 months dude ...
Yea how's that for being a duck ...
Cool.
Buddha.

[cafeboy]

  Congrats Frankie