Asian Pear
Submitted by Hilary Hammell

Sometimes you get duped into living in a guy's attic in Portland under the false pretenses that his ex-girlfriend is newly sober and no longer lives with him, when in fact she (a) is still a raging alcoholic, (b) is still his girlfriend, and (c) two weeks into your under-the-table $100-a-month "lease," moves back into the house and uses the kitchen for "secret" late-night boozing. But now you sleep on an air mattress in an attic walk-in closet formerly inhabited by a cat jungle gym and one of those evil squashed-faced cats named Monty, and you often wake late at night to Monty's take-back-the-closet bids (read: scratching the shaZam! out of your face).

On one such occasion you walk downstairs to the kitchen where Anginette is sipping gin from an Orangina bottle. You think, if you were drinking clear alcohol surreptitiously, how hard would it be to choose (a) an opaque cup or (b) a bottle meant to hold a clear beverage? Like Sprite? Or Perrier? Come on. So you try to ignore her and she tries to chat with you, one of those drunks who does the worst job ever at pretending not to be drunk. I mean, even if she could use appropriate syntax and actual words, the fact that she's not wearing pants and has on only a turquoise man-style tank top with the words "Whale ... Splashdance!" on it might be a giveaway. So you turn away, open the fridge, in pursuit of a light snack and an excuse not to look at Anginette's junk. What's this? This bowl of luscious, perfectly round apple-type things that are not green or red but instead a light matte-finish brown? You hold one in your palm and fondle it, feel its rough texture, like a Bosc pear. Could it be some kind of superawesome apple-pear hybrid? To a more simplistic thinker, sure. (In the same way that a mango is just a peach with elephantitis crossed with a softball.)

Anginette tells you in her smokers' hack/Rhode Island accent/drunk slur that "issa asianpaya." You bite into it, and all of a sudden the woman with the cracking-at-the-corners orange lipstick and this kitchen and this house and the city of Portland all disappear. You are lost in a taste sensation as all-encompassing as a first kiss with your seventh-grade crush, yet as subtle as a backhanded compliment. This thing is a pear, but without the drippiness and the fall-apart texture. It's as convenient as an apple and as tender as a pear, with the satisfying crunch of a cucumber. But there I go, mixing metaphors and using inaccurate similes. f%$k that. Let me lay it on ya. The Asian pear is the King of Fruits. The Champagne of Snacks. If I could pick one phrase to describe it, it'd be: Taste ... Splashdance.

Just sound like a proper pear that wasn't quite ripe enough to me.  The falling apart texture and drippiness is most of a pear's charm.

Asian pears are fruit nirvana.  I don't like sloppy/fall apart or mealy.  They're wet, just a touch sweet, firm, crunchy.  When I lived in Berkeley, the farmers' markets would have asian pears for less than a buck a pound, and they were perfect.  I would live on those some days.

Up here, they're $4 a pound and just ok.  Goddam, I miss those farmers' markets.  

The only fruit that's better in WA than CA are the apples...  And those aren't even that good.

fresh mangos rules, no contest

I like juicy pears.

Jake,
I don't know what was better, the pear or the events leading up to its "discovery" in the fridge. Anyhow, thanks for sharing. Now I'll have to see if "ayshunpayas" get as far east as Cincinnati.

I love the review of Anginette.  Classic.  The pear thing is an aside.

Quote from: callmelennyfresh mangos rules, no contest

You need to eat an Indian Malgova or an alphonso ... Tex/Mex mangos have no aroma and no taste, SE asian Mango's sometimes are OK but still Indian Mangoes are the king. Get one in a can too is fine ... Indian store and buy a can ...
Cool.
Srinath.

+1 to Mangos

Quote from: Jake DThe Asian pear is the King of Fruits. The Champagne of Snacks. If I could pick one phrase to describe it, it'd be: Taste ... Splashdance.

Try poaching a few in port.  (keep the port away from Anginette)

Not so much of a "snack" per se, but dessert numminess.

Quote from: aaronstj+1 to Mangos

-1 good but they get stuck inbetween your teeth

True.  If they could invent a fiberless Mango, I would be in heaven.

Quote from: seshadri_srinath

Quote from: callmelennyfresh mangos rules, no contest

You need to eat an Indian Malgova or an alphonso ... Tex/Mex mangos have no aroma and no taste, SE asian Mango's sometimes are OK but still Indian Mangoes are the king. Get one in a can too is fine ... Indian store and buy a can ...
Cool.
Srinath.

I agree the Mex ones aren't great but we get several varieties through the year. My love for them comes from two places. Eating them fresh in the Turks and Caicos Islands (off the boat from Dom. Repub) and from the care packages that my Indian roomate got in college.

frikin funny story!! :lol:
But  another fruit  nirvana  is dragon fruit
cross between pear and kiwi , with the exotic
beauty of  an eurasian woman
But then who can resist  the juicy offerings of
a ripe fig  sweet and  delicate
LIckalicious

That there is some fantabulous prose.

Quote from: pnaberhausJake,
I don't know what was better, the pear or the events leading up to its "discovery" in the fridge. Anyhow, thanks for sharing. Now I'll have to see if "ayshunpayas" get as far east as Cincinnati.

jungle jims in fairfield has them

Quote from: callmelennyfresh mangos rules, no contest

+1

Properly ripe mangos are wonderful. They're so good the fibers are tolerable. It's nothing a good flossing can't fix and popcorn can require that too.

More good food:
A neighbor of my brother-in-law in So Cal had an avocado tree that was at least 30 feet high and rained avocados. They were as big as grapefruits. He gave them away to my brother-in-law who gave them away to family. That was some good stuff. We used to have guacamole and chip festivals :mrgreen: , until his neighbors CUT THE TREE DOWN! They were afraid one of the delicious monster avocados would fall and injure someone and it would be lawsuit time.  :dunno:

Quote from: Ed_in_AzA neighbor of my brother-in-law in So Cal had an avocado tree that was at least 30 feet high and rained avocados.

I used to want an apple tree in the yard, but then I had a chat with a friend who used to have one and it changed my mind.  It's great to have a practically infinite supply of fresh fruit in season, but you've got to deal with the absolute litter of apples everywhere that fall off the tree, rot, and attract critters, bugs, and other undesirables.

Sounds like way too much trouble for the occasional pie.