I stole this from another forum... but damn it made me DIE laughing

QuoteNice explanation of how to wheelie



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WHEELIE, WHEELIE, WHEELIE............. -- ECONORACING, 02:52:11 01/10/03 Fri
Really enjoy the site. I just bought a 2000 TL1000R with 2500 miles on it. It is stock except for a pair of WILEYCO slip ons. How do I get this puppy up? I can throttle it about 2 feet above pavement in 1st only at 1/4 to 1/2 throttle when the tire is warmed up. However, I feel if I pull back too much it's going to flip. Should I be afraid and not pull back the throttle coasting through the intersection?? PLEASE HELP. Any suggestions? 2nd gear pop the clutch at what RPM??? I need to be wheelieing by this summer. Changeing gears the whole 9 yards. Thank you guys and girls for any and all help.
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Hey limp duck... you win the vaganitus award for '03... I am confident that the remaining 354 days out of this year won't be ringing in any posts which will bump you off of the kitty cat of the year platform after this request. You are indeed a true squid and deserve everything coming your way as you learn to wheelie. Have you even found out how fast you can stop, transition, anything? Or have you not even taken the warning sticker off of your fuel tank? Confused? ok, back to riding long big duck wheelies... cause that is what you need, right? gotcha...

Ok f%$k- what you need to do is stand on your seat and with your left hand, wave at all the import car kooks in thier cut springs, stock prelude with missing hub caps and go fast tape on the bumper... as you are waving, make sure you use the very popular Rose Parade "Turn the lightbulb" style hand movement... now as you are standing there, waving at the kooks you are trying to impress, like the hot chick in the passenger seat of the primered honda with 3 other dicks in the car, because for sure once she sees you on one tire, will drop trou - and come a runnin... oh wait, wheelies - right.

Ok - acorn duck, what gear are you in again? wait, you need to be shifting "and the whole nine yards" by this summer... or your chances of losing your virginity go right out the winder, huh! ok, back to wheelies... assuming you know how to position yourself on the bike, are familiar with your clutch grab and heat... tire temp and road composition - too much? ok, so anyway, you are on the street in the middle of the lane with all the leftover oil and shaZam!, running your 207 ZR's five minutes out of your trailor park in say... second gear. Now what we are going to do here is dip your stock f%$king clutch all the way to the grip... now pay attention f%$k-o, this is where it gets complicated... now - you are going to want to say hello to mr. Rev Limiter for a good 3 seconds - now you have to multi-task here, because while you are familiarizing yourself with absolute bullshit abuse on your bike with your right hand, take your left and double check that you do not have nuts... once confirmed, still on the limiter, you with me? okay - so no balls, abusing your motor and getting ready for the fun part... you need to have some style here bro, so another tip would be to remove your jacket and possibly your helmet too... now go to e-bay and buy yourself a Curious George shirt, doctors love that shaZam!... oh wait - left hand - clutch in - right hand, wide f%$king open... drop the clutch and do it so fast that you shake the triples... that way you get that crossed up effect as you near 6" -- that's the tire off the ground, not you duck...

ok, so as your front end lightens up - you want to do a massive shoulder shrug as to imitate that your upper body is responsible for the front end elevation (chicks dig that part) - and once you feel like you are going to flip, well that means you have breached the 1 foot mark - now this is where the learning curve turns into a brick... most guys take a season to get past this all the way to the balance point... but we don't have that luxury do we... your virginity is on the line!!! so, now your ass is puckered, the chicks are flashing their fun bags, you have yanked your massive squid transport system off the ground with just your arms and you are at 1 foot... mind you now, this all must take place in less than one second!... okay, so when you feel like you are going to flip, take your left hand and slowly slide it off the clip on and point at somebody, doesn't matter who, as long as you line your index up with a witness... this way, when you double that f%$king thing over and that witness is telling the paramedics what happened, he will say that for .000009 seconds - you were the MAN! now if you don't get that index to lock on a witness, you are merely a statistic... that is critical to f%$ks like you... you are going to have to be able to tell the story about the day you did a 200 mile an hour wheelie in front of a chinese restaurant and "pointed" at your bro on the curb... and it must have been that man hole cover that sent the whole thing wrong... but hey - you may get if you pull it off.

Cheers Cheese-duck - I hope your bike lasts you longer than a month, and ultimately you grow into a nice squid Buddha Loves You with fur and chrome alike...

Take care, happy new year, and don't forget to post your the pics of the aftermath and request parts from all of us, I know some guys that can rebuild a TLR faster than punks like you can crash em...

You are truely a stupid f%$k.

Paul G.
aka Butterfly's bee-yotch

Alpha... should be this good some day.

NO NO NO.

I posted this in General... not O&E.... DAMN IT!
MOVE IT BACK!

  Mind if I share it?

That was great.

Holy crap!  That was the funniest thing I have ever read.

hahahahah!! that's awesome!

That was funny. Apart from a few typos, it was perfect.

Dave 

Ahhhh...... that's refreshing.

But if you do that here you're flirting with the ban hammer. Shame really.

Quote from: TragicImage on October 07, 2006, 11:01:56 PM
Alpha... should be this good some day.

Good at wheelieing, or good at berrating idiot squids?

He kinda sounds like a combination of Old Mr. Wilson, with the whole "virginity on the line" and "all about the poon" philosophy, and srinath, with the whole run on sentence impossible to read thing.

berrating the idiots......

POON!

Wow, that made my day

darwin award

bad thing is there are some who have posted here asking the same questions, who deserved that answer in the first post

So how do you wheelie a GS, all that info is no good cos it's TL. I wanna be able to do the whole 8.22meters (9 yards) before summer ends.

Please help a noob 

You best bet with the GS is to find two huge blokes who can pick up the front end and run with it while you stand on the tank - drink your cuppa and take in the applause from all the hot chicks for your mega wheelie.

    Holy f%$k that was great

Quote from: Kasumi on December 07, 2006, 09:11:51 AM
You best bet with the GS is to find two huge blokes who can pick up the front end and run with it while you stand on the tank - drink your cuppa and take in the applause from all the hot chicks for your mega wheelie.

Oh YEAH!  I'm so gonna do this, right after i strip the paint of these gehy-a$$ white rims, get that R1 slip-on, because it'll make the bike sound so much better and run like crap, but i'll be the shnizzat-to-look-at stunna, with my 45 tooth aluminum rear sprocket, and Lockhart-Phillips catalog bike.

Funny!

That was extremely funny

A GS will come up, I found out on accident a few times.
1. I popped my clutch cable right after I put in the new clutch I had to rev it and drop it. It came up about a foot.

2. The next week I rejeted and got a new cable. I was stop at a light, went on green, let off the throttle a little watching tracffic then opened it up. the wheel pulled up just an inch or so.

3. The same day I was quick shifting and hit second @ 10K that popped it up just enuff to know it was in the air.

It's not some thing I tried to do but I was very impressed with the little monster.