ok my GF lives in MD. its about 3 hours away from me. Ive known her since 6th grade. But anyways last weekend she was suppose to come down and stay the weekend but right as she was going out the door to come see meher boss calls her and told her she had to come to work for the weekend. she is kind of like an insurence adjuster for an emergency water and fire loss thing. and it pissed me off because we had plans and I planned my whole weekend around her. it wasnt a thing where she called me right after her boss called her. she text messaged me 3 hours later and that really pissed me off. when she finally called me (because the hell if I was going to call or text message) she told me she was afraid to tell me that she wasnt make it up here on the phone cause she knew I would be pissed. ok so I can kinda understand that. so I gave her a lecture on how to keep plans and how to tell her boss to F*ck off after she specifically asked to not be called on this weekend.  so we were all good again and I said I would come up and see her this weekend, today actually. so I was going to leave at 3pm today to meet her when she got off work. well she calls me not to long ago asking for me to leave at 6pm... and im like wtf? why? she said she will be working late till 9pm at this one house... so this pissed me off because we had plans again and I cant beleive she cant open her mouth and say HEY IVE GOT PLANS I HAVE TO BE HOME AT A CERTAIN TIME TO MEET SOMEONE.  It also pisses me off because I think a company that cant have set hours on when there workers work is worthless.  I dont see the problem with only working 8 hours a day to get a job done. The main point is we had plans and I like to stick by plans. I am sick of plans being changed like this at the last minute. because every job ive ever had, when make plans they are just tough out of luck. because thats my time , and my life not thiers. and they cant fire you over it either.  its understandable somtimes but this happens to her almost every day. then she complains about being so tired but never complains about how much her boss is a duck. BTW while all of this went on last weekend her boss was in FL on vacation living it up.


she knows im pissed again, and now I think she is getting irritated at my smart comments about her job like when we were getting off the phone I said " thats right go back to your slave job" and she got all pissy about that.

I dont know what the think. Im thinking of saying F* it and telling her that she can see me when she makes the time too and not going up there this weekend.

It sounds as though her job isn't by nature a 9-5 type of job if she handles emergency appraisals. It sounds as though her job isn't a standard job, and if you've known her since 6th grade, you know her job isn't standard. If her job isn't standard, she doesn't really have a whole lot of choice with her schedule (if I'm reading your post correctly), so expecting her to never, ever change plans is expecting too much (and is a very unrealistic expectation).

If I were your girl, I'd be pissed that you were getting pissed all the time. 

Quote from: pandy on February 16, 2007, 11:29:58 AM
It sounds as though her job isn't by nature a 9-5 type of job if she handles emergency appraisals. It sounds as though her job isn't a standard job, and if you've known her since 6th grade, you know her job isn't standard. If her job isn't standard, she doesn't really have a whole lot of choice with her schedule (if I'm reading your post correctly), so expecting her to never, ever change plans is expecting too much (and is a very unrealistic expectation).

If I were your girl, I'd be pissed that you were getting pissed all the time. 

I am a sweetheart though. i dont get like yelling pissed or anything more disapointed pissed ....

but the thing is , it is a standard job. only when shes on call does she have to go out at all hours. see her actual job title only works 7-4  monday through friday. but they boss wont hire more people to do the road crews job so she gets drug into it all the time.  the crew goes and pulls carpet up and does all that cleaning stuff.  so i would understand if she was suppose to do that as her job but its not her job, and I know she doesnt exactly like it but she is so freeken nice and wont say no... and she feels like a job is the most important thing in life almost... and I dont know its just hard.

another dollar another day, but memories last forever.

It doesn't sound as though you respect her job much, which means that you might not respect her much for being in that job? If you DO respect her, then let her live her own life and make her own decisions. If YOU can't live with those decisions, then you need to figure out why you're hanging in there if you're so unhappy with this whole picture.

If her job is important to her, then you'll have to live with that. If you feel she thinks her job is more important than you, then again I ask, why are you with her? Do you get the feeling at all that she's using the job as an excuse NOT to see you (I haven't no idea on this, but have you gotten any feeling from it?)....

Quote from: pandy on February 16, 2007, 11:39:41 AM
It doesn't sound as though you respect her job much, which means that you might not respect her much for being in that job? If you DO respect her, then let her live her own life and make her own decisions. If YOU can't live with those decisions, then you need to figure out why you're hanging in there if you're so unhappy with this whole picture.

If her job is important to her, then you'll have to live with that. If you feel she thinks her job is more important than you, then again I ask, why are you with her? Do you get the feeling at all that she's using the job as an excuse NOT to see you (I haven't no idea on this, but have you gotten any feeling from it?)....

no I dont get that feeling because she is all about me . always calling me and what not.. and I could see respecting her and doing her own life and I tell her that it is her own life but at the same time we are looking at getting married, so it will be OUR life.   

but she is moving back to Richmond VA in aug. she knows her job isnt the greatest for there punctuality. I just think she needs to stand up for it.  I do respect her and her job. she is just way to nice about things and she will admit it too.   about that slave job comment I told her I was joking about it. and I also told her that im more mad at the fact that her Job is taking advantage of her and using her basically. I can care less that my plans were broken at this point. they are running her raggid and that makes me mad. because they have no right to take advantage of her being nice.

just my .02 cents but the amount of time isn't nearly as important as the quality.  In the big picture of things if you love her and want to spend your life with her a few weekends in comparison really isn't that big of a deal.

I'm sure she would be much more grateful if you expressed your disappointment and left it at that.  Getting worked up over it won't change anything, just causes stress on your relationship.  Don't sweat the small stuff, you know she likes or needs her job and she won't change that, so let that be something that you don't like but can't change and accept it as that.  Getting upset about the sky being blue, or about the # of ignorant people in the world isn't going to do anything except raise your blood pressure, just accept it and move on.

Quote from: ixolas on February 16, 2007, 12:02:27 PM
just my .02 cents but the amount of time isn't nearly as important as the quality.  In the big picture of things if you love her and want to spend your life with her a few weekends in comparison really isn't that big of a deal.

I'm sure she would be much more grateful if you expressed your disappointment and left it at that.  Getting worked up over it won't change anything, just causes stress on your relationship.  Don't sweat the small stuff, you know she likes or needs her job and she won't change that, so let that be something that you don't like but can't change and accept it as that.  Getting upset about the sky being blue, or about the # of ignorant people in the world isn't going to do anything except raise your blood pressure, just accept it and move on.

true. im usually on edge so I guess its one more of me snapping a little. I just gotta learn to be more understanding. and I usually tell her im sorry the next day anyways lol. never said I was perfect. thanks for the opinions people

I know how you feel, except I'm on the other side...  I friggen HATE to cancel plans, so I usually don't make plans unless I'm 100% sure that I can make it.  Well, my wife likes plans...  She likes to make plans to make plans...  She wants to know tentative plans, so she can plan alternate plans.

Before we were married, I would make plans to do something with a friend.  She would ask me when I would be done, I'd tell her "AROUND x:00 time."  She would take that to mean AT that time.  Then she'd call and be all pissed that I wasn't done yet, even though we never really made plans.  THEN I started saying, "I don't know when I'll be done" and she couldn't accept that, she would ask, "8ish?  9ish?  10ish?"  And I would reply, "I don't know."  And she would ask again, "Well what do you think?  ABOUT what time?"  and again I would reply, "I.......  DON'T......  KNOW."

So, anyway...  We talked about it and found a solution:  1) If I made plans I would keep them.  2) If I didn't know when I'd be done, she would find her own thing to do.


(The advice part)

In your situation, you're going to have to find your own solution.  One that works for both of you...  You'll need to talk to her and make "rules" about it.

Something like:
  Her Rules:
  1) If she's unsure if she's able to keep the plans (might have to work, etc, etc), she should be VERY clear about that fact.
  2) If she makes solid plans you, she should keep them unless someone dies or comes near death.

  Your Rules:
  1) You should be able to accept that tentative plans *can and will* be broken in certain situations.
  2) You should *not* be upset when tentative plans are broken and shouldn't it as a personal attack against you.


Now...  If she's not willing to change or keep breaking solid plans...  Ditch her, 'cause she ain't that into you.

I understand things happen. but she keeps telling me there is nothing she can do about it. but isnt there some kind of law where a company can only work you X amount of hours before you say no? or is that only a union thing?

I hate making plans too dude... thats why this makes it so hard. because when I actually do make plans. I MAKE PLANS. and I shut everything else out.  when I could be doing somthing else  plus we live in two different states untill aug.

You gotta talk about it... Not FIGHT about it.  If she doesn't understand how it makes you feel (yes, I said feel), then she just won't get it.


Write this down, 'cause it's the most useful phrase for talking to women.

"When you _____, it makes me feel ____."   

So...  "When you break plans with me, it makes me feel like you don't care about me." 
or...  "When you break plans with me, it makes me feel unimportant." 

A BAD example:  "When you break plans with me, it makes me feel pissed off at you." 
A REALLY BAD example:  "When you act like a c@%t, it makes me feel like killing you."


ONCE she understands that she's hurting your feelings, you have to set up "rules" that BOTH of you agree on to avoid the situation.

She could say, "I really want you to come out here, but I might have to work."  You would then have to recognize that the plans might be broken.
If she says, "Come out to see me and we'll spend the day together."  She should understand that means that she WILL spend the day with you and will NOT break plans (short of death/near death).

And again...  If she's not willing to change her behavior or she keeps breaking solid plans...  Ditch her, 'cause she ain't that into you.

Quote from: RVertigo on February 16, 2007, 05:08:35 PM
my wife likes plans...  She likes to make plans to make plans...  She wants to know tentative plans, so she can plan alternate plans.

Quote from: RVertigo on February 16, 2007, 05:08:35 PM
A REALLY BAD example:  "When you act like a c@%t, it makes me feel like killing you." 

Thats freaken hilarious..

Quote from: RVertigo on February 16, 2007, 05:27:32 PM
Write this down, 'cause it's the most useful phrase for talking to women.

"When you _____, it makes me feel ____."   

You, too, huh?  I learned those from my wife.  Actually I guess I learned "I feel ____ when you ____."  She calls them "I statements."

im learning that "I understand" and "you are right honey" and "I am sorry I was just thinking of you " are great lines that work.   although in this case I am standing my ground a little more. but its for the best she actually thanked me for being so stern with her on this issue. she is putting in her two weeks and leaving the job and moving back to Richmond. I told her she needed to get out of the job because of the people she works for and with. infact she caught two of her co-workers have sex on the job in someone elses house that just had a fire loss. so instead of just having a fire loss the people have two strangers having sex in a piece of thier furniture. well she is reporting them for that. I never thought people would be so crude.

Quote from: Susuki_Jah on February 18, 2007, 06:54:27 AM
although in this case I am standing my ground a little more. but its for the best she actually thanked me for being so stern with her on this issue.

I'm betting that she appreciates you being honest and straightforward with her. With honesty and straightforwardness, she doesn't have to guess how you're feeling, and there are less misunderstandings. 

Quote from: Susuki_Jah on February 18, 2007, 06:54:27 AM
I never thought people would be so crude.

In another 20 years, you won't be surprised or shocked at all! 

Spend a bit of cash on her, women like that sort of thing. I bought my G/F a nice new bag and a matching belt for Valentines day...............I tell you, that old Hoover of hers, its working like it did when it first came outta the box now!

Quote from: sledge on February 18, 2007, 03:22:51 PM
Spend a bit of cash on her, women like that sort of thing. I bought my G/F a nice new bag and a matching belt for Valentines day...............I tell you, that old Hoover of hers, its working like it did when it first came outta the box now!

This is the sort of thing that sets my teeth on edge. I would MUCH rather take a walk in the park holding hands than for someone to think that I need to be bought with trinkets (cheap or expensive). I would hate to think that my mate thinks he needs to buy me things to get an improved uhmm.....vacuum (it would make me feel like he thought I was a prostitute, not to say that's what anyone else here would think ).

Errmmm it was a joke.....truth is she would string me up by my dangly-bits from the washing-line if I did anything like that.

Hey Pandy! (You beat me to the punch here, but   anyway )

Quote from: sledge on February 18, 2007, 03:22:51 PM
Spend a bit of cash on her, women like that sort of thing. I bought my G/F a nice new bag and a matching belt for Valentines day...............I tell you, that old Hoover of hers, its working like it did when it first came outta the box now!

Translation for the Colonists - "Hoover"  - Britishism for a vacuum cleaner.

In this case, because an item was exchanged as a gift on Valentines Day, there is the implication of an adult event. 

On the other hand, maybe Sledge's G/F loved her gifts so  much she cleaned house while wearing them.

Quote from: sledge on February 18, 2007, 03:41:09 PM
Errmmm it was a joke.....truth is she would string me up by my dangly-bits from the washing-line if I did anything like that.

Hi starwalt! 

At least starwalt got the joke........thanks for translating