The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz began in 1940 and tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued "A Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

It's not only the English and French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
( this IS done in jest. no offence to our european friends  )

 

 


I love it lol

  Lol ,spanish bottom glassed subs   

First laugh ive had all week....Thanks i needed it.

  harsh but funny.

Hey, 1666 was not all downside, some great architecture followed during the re-build and it wiped out the rats and the plague that they carried, could be a modern-day paralell in there somewhere......

"a tad annoying" might fit the bill.

Seriously you can't get too worked up about this scum because then they rule our lives and in a way they win, ordinary people doing ordinary things and taking a bit of care is better than any alert level system.

aye cal, its humor like the military history of france


" - Gallic Wars
- Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.]

- Hundred Years War
- Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Sainted.

- Italian Wars
- Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

- Wars of Religion
- France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

- Thirty Years War
- France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

- War of Revolution
- Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

- The Dutch War
- Tied

- War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War
- Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

- War of the Spanish Succession
- Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

- American Revolution
- In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

- French Revolution
- Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

- The Napoleonic Wars
- Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

- The Franco-Prussian War
- Lost. Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.

- World War I
- Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

- World War II
- Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

- War in Indochina
- Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

- Algerian Rebellion
- Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

- War on Terrorism
- France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. All you do is leave behind a lot of noisy baggage."

Or, better still, the quote from last week's Wall Street Journal: "They're there when they need you."



With only an hour and a half of research, Jonathan Duczkowski provided the following losses:

Norse invasions, 841-911.
After having their way with the French for 70 years, the Norse are bribed by a French King named Charles the Simple (really!) who gave them Normandy in return for peace. Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years. "

OTOH, the French are looking pretty smart at this point to have stayed out of Iraq.  Our grandchildren will still be paying for that war, which we "won" in May 2003 (some victory, huh?).  Can we come home now?

Oh yes! Charles the Simple - on old friend. I tink he was Charlemaign's grandson.

People and Kings lead to some strange titles, we had Ethelred the Unready, Edward the confessor and some other oddities. Last year when I rode the GS to Prague I visited a castle in Bohemia and got the potted history tour, they have Wenceslasses coming out og their ears. The seasonal song celebrates "Wenceslass the Good" there was also a "Wencesslass the bad" who according to the local guide was "A much better King" - Go figure.

I think the French got their relationship with Royalty about right though.

No one also forget to mention France are the only member of NATO who flat our refuse to use their troops to do any work of NATO. Lol they joined NATO (an organisation created for the sole purpose of sharing its military might to protect each other and France said "we will join but were not guna fight anyone" lol. And all the other NATO countries put up with that! Whereas all the ex-communist countries are throwing their troops at anything NATO even speaks about because they're desperate to not be invaded and made communist again.

I think France should be more worried, if they ever get attacked i think the rest of NATO should go meh you don't help us we don't help you.

France is like Canada. It does not matter in real world events.
Cool.
Srinath.

Danish involvement in the war against terror:
1. Were in
2. no wait were out
3. NO were in
4. ok were in but now we want out
5. scrap that were definately out this time

repeat steps 1-5

Danish guys are also wussies ... the girls have to ask them out over there ... and then my question is, who gets to be on top.
But that's easy, cos you know the chicks dont shave, so they have to be ...
Cool.
Srinath.

Quote from: trumpetguy on December 11, 2007, 09:48:07 AM
OTOH, the French are looking pretty smart at this point to have stayed out of Iraq.  Our grandchildren will still be paying for that war, which we "won" in May 2003 (some victory, huh?).  Can we come home now?

meh, had they went in, would have been the first to surrender. then we would have had to bail tehm out yet again

Yamahon - you must admit though, a Iraqi dude whipping up on a french boy isn't going to induce much else besides laughter ...
BTW dude, what about the watches dude - you look in my "watch crystal broke" thread please.
Cool.
Srinath.

and the french guy would be like Duuuuude ive got ze white flag out

Eee! stop 'ittin me wiz ze white flag.