"Alright, time for some action"
"I hope I don't f%$k up this time"
"Is that the right hole?"
"Oh wait, there it is"
"All right, lets start out slow"

It isn't long before my thoughts turn into a quiet panic.

BRAIN: "Damn, she just moved."
BRAIN: "Did I do something right, or did I hurt her"
<soft moaning starts>
BRAIN: "She's making noises!"
BRAIN: "Pain noises or pleasure noises?"
BRAIN: "Let try stepping up the pace a little"
<increased moaning"
BRAIN: "More noises, I pretty sure that's pleasure now"
BRAIN: "Oh yeah, she's starting to flush, I like that"
BRAIN: "Lets try changing the angle a bit"
.............................
BRAIN: "Nope, didn't like that"
<Moans quieting>
BRAIN: "Damn, what was I doing before?"
BRAIN: "f%$k it, lets try a different position"
WOMAN: "OUCH!"
BRAIN: "Yeah....that one was definitely pain>
WOMAN: "What are you doing?"
BRAIN: "Mayday! Mayday!"
BRAIN: "Decrease Velocity!"
BRAIN: "Open flaps"
BRAIN: "Landing gear engaged"
BRAIN: "Disengage primary thrusters"
BRAIN: "Systems check"
ME: "You allright?"
WOMAN: "Uh....Yeah"
BRAIN: "No system damage"
ME: "Allright, lets try this again"

—five minutes later....computer pretty much takes over—
BRAIN: "Allright, back on track"
<Moans increasing in volume and frequency>
BRAIN: "Target in sight, hold position"
<Full body blush commencing>
BRAIN: "C'mon.......C'mon"
<Back arching>
BRAIN: "Hold it......Hold it....."
COMPUTER: WARNING! WARNING!
COMPUTER: ERR-ERR-ERR
BRAIN: "Oh shaZam!"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD IMMINENT
BRAIN: "Oh shaZam!, not yet!"
<Moaning above 80 decibals>
BRAIN: "Just a little longer"
COMPUTER: DANGER HULL INTEGRITY
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD COMMENCING
BRAIN: "f%$k! I'm not going to make it"
BRAIN: "Pull out and prepare for manual override"
COMPUTER: SYSTEM OVERLOAD __________
BRAIN: "Pull out, pull out"
COMPUTER: AUTO PILOT ENGAGED
BRAIN: "NO! UNENGAGE! UNENGAGE!"
COMPUTER: TARGET LOCKED....TARGET LOCKED
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
BRAIN: "If I cum now, will it be too soon?"
COMPUTER: <Target heart rate reached>
COMPUTER: <Breathing nominal>
BRAIN: "Must....hold....on"
COMPUTER: <FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING>
BRAIN: "can't.....hold it"
COMPUTER: <FEMALE ORGASM COMMENCING>
BRAIN: "Its out of my control, its in God's hands now"
COMPUTER: "PRIMARY VALVE: EJACULATING"
<keeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrr SPLAT!>
COMPUTER: "AUTOMATIC SYSTEM SHUT DOWN: COMMENCING"
<THUD>
WOMAN: "Honey, are you alright?"
ME: Yeah.....my head hurts...."
WOMAN: "Sorry" <blush>
ME: No, the other head"
WOMAN: "What?"
ME: Nothing"
ME: Did you cum"
WOMAN: "What, you didn't notice"
ME: Actually, I was kinda too busy to notice"
WOMAN: "You're so weird"
ME: You should try being the pilot next time"
WOMAN: "Get off me, I need to pee"
  found on another website

ok enough for the morning ...i can't laugh anymore 

 

  that was pretty good 

My only thought during sex is usually "No, no, no...not yet...hold it... hoooold it!"   

Quote from: Jon The Buddha on May 15, 2008, 10:19:09 AM
My only thought during sex is usually "No, no, no...not yet...hold it... hoooold it!"   

not married are ya 

ugh

Hey frank what happened wioth the ciggy?   I pmed dgyver but he never responded back to me you guys are nuts

i just forgot, i am so busy with the new job.  i will get one off to u soon

 . ok do it when you get time A job is more important. If dgyver still has the jaclet u want have him PM me I got no word from hime or any replies

are you referring to teh joe rocket mesh jacket?

 

Quote from: ajaxgs on May 15, 2008, 10:45:31 AMnot married are ya 

Ha Ha!! That's Funny!

Quote from: ajaxgs on May 15, 2008, 10:45:31 AM

Quote from: Jon The Buddha on May 15, 2008, 10:19:09 AM
My only thought during sex is usually "No, no, no...not yet...hold it... hoooold it!"   

not married are ya 

Actually, I am...if you can call it that.  We are getting old...nearing the big Four-O, and I think my wife has turned into the Ice Queen of Narnia, or something!

Thank God for Whores!!   

Some dipwad said 40 is the new 30 and 30 is the new 20, I guess that makes me 12 again   But yeah, 40 isn't THAT old, you should push her cold ass out of an airplane or something.

Quote from: spcterry on May 16, 2008, 08:21:16 AM
you should push her cold ass out of an airplane or something.

I do work for the FAA......... 

I think the big issue is that I act like I am about 25, and she like 65.   

But in all fairness to her...she is a stay-at-home-mom of 4 year old twins.  If I had to spend all day everyday with our little monsters, I'd probably want everyone to leave me the F*@k alone too! She'll come back around to normal in a few years!   

what....the....f%$k....that is probably the single most bizzarre thing I've ever read on the internet. grats 

 

bump.

My thoughts during sex;"damn you've got fat and ugly but still got some good stuff.What was that cute check out ladies name?"