1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species
of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are
insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer
which only Santa has ever seen.

2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 1 in the world. BUT
since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378
million according to the Population Reference Reference Bureau. At an
average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million
homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.

3) Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different
time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west
(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is
to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has
1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney,
fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat
whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the
sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8
millions stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course,
we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will
accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of
75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at
least once every 31 hours, plus feeding and etc.

This means that Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000
times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made
vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per
second - a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

4) The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming
that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds),
the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably
described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more
than 300 pounds. Even granting that "flying reindeer" (see point #1) could
pull TEN TIMES the normal amount, we cannot do the job with eight, or even
nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload - not even
counting the weight of the sleigh - to 353,430 tons. Again, for
comparison - this is four times the weight of the Rosie O'Donnell.

5) 353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air
resistance - this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as
spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer
will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In
short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the
reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake. The
entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times
greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)
would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion - If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's
dead now. Merry Christmas.

not a christian holiday, well the santa part anyways lol but this is a pretty good read, never really took teh time to break it all down 

 

the truth about santa is the sonofabitch still owes me money from last year!!

i got some Hornady tactical 12ga "00" buck for old saint nick if he shows his commie ass at my house this year.

So you're saying he's not real???..... 

That's great, but skeletor is still ghey.

the board is beginning to turn hostile again 

im pissed at santa. last year hge brought me a pair of socks and a piece of kitty cat. both were too big  

Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on December 20, 2008, 09:15:47 PM
im pissed at santa. last year hge brought me a pair of socks and a piece of kitty cat. both were too big  

anybody know why santa wears red and white?

coca cola

Quote from: frankieG on December 20, 2008, 09:50:55 PM
coca cola

yeah. before Cokes ad campaign he wore green.

Also there was no reindeer. It was a horse with eight legs.

Oh here is a truth about reindeer ... their hide is the warmest darned thing on earth, they fat puts out the most calories when burned. You make a tent out of reindeer hide, agreed it has to be s semi layered design with a sorta opning covered by an inner tent etc etc, you put a few on the floor, put a smaller tent inside it light up a renideer fat candle/bottle with a wick inside that, and you can hit a 100 degrees in the open frozen tundra. You sleep directly on ice and you will still be super warm. Reindeer hide blankets baby.
Cool.
Buddha.

that was so f%$king funny i almost pissed myself.