Oldy, but Goodun.

What's the difference between 0bama and God??














God doesn't think that he's 0bama

A woman in a hot-air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct.  But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost.  Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.  You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem.  You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
( well i figure guys/gals IF this turns into a political war here, lets at least keep it in joke form. ) 

Q. Why won't Barack Obama's presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.

Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on July 04, 2009, 03:00:21 AM
So the woman asked, "Is this a record?"

To which the man replied, "No, its average!"

Hahahahahahahahahahahh ... its average ... hahahahahahaha .... average - you hear that ... hahahahahahaha ...
That was funny ...
Cool.
Buddha.

Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on July 07, 2009, 03:07:32 AM
Q. Why won't Barack Obama's presidential jet be flight worthy?
A. It will only have a left wing.

This is not true ... true the left wing commies are driving ... but the right wing commies are right on their tail nagging them at every turn.
So ... it will fly ... just be a bit lopsided ... much like the whole country.
Cool.
Buddha.

this guy goes into a bar, orders a beer. the bartender serves him up and goes about cleaning the bar. the patron says "i got to go a little easier than last night" barkeep says "that so?" guy says "yeah. i got so drunk last night i blew "chunks"" bartender says, "that's ok. we've all made ourselves sick over indulging." guy says, "you don't understand. "Chunks" is the family Rottweiler."

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the Obama. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles.

"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know shaZam!?"

Oh I got a good one here ... its from 8-9 years ago but its easy to see its relevance.

George W Bush was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Bush, "What would you like to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the Bush. "How about What Changes I Should Make To America?" and he smiles his little oily impish smile.

"OK," she says. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Bush, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don't know Sheeite?"

Actually this joke has a punch line that makes sense too ...

And sadly, the same can be said of clinton, the older bush, regan, re-regan, carter, ford ... and so on.

The reason is ... these have all been lawyers, and though they can suck blood, they typically prefer the green kind, and even when they are sucking it, they dont sit and see what it is they are sucking.

These are people who would have possibly known things that are relevant in the real world at one time, but after that they have been insulated from any such reality by the "grooming machine" that they made such "pretty centerpieces" but lack any real substance.

This year we were offered the choice of the Black and young commie, or the white and old commie. The reason the black and young commie won and won by a wide margin, he was prettier and he was called a commie by the old dude. That really made people notice that the "pot was calling the kettle black" no pun intended.

And oh yea, Barack O bama was wrong about the stimulus, the stimulus should be bigger, much bigger. Was really not going to fly with a whole nation who hated the stimulus, we all saw it as a $$$ grab by wall street firms and we hated it. In fact I used to work for one of those and still hated it. Every time he said that, he lost a few million votes. Atleast to get closer to BOB, McCain should have derided the stimulus.

Cool.
Buddha.

One summer afternoon, Former President Bill Clinton and his wife Hillary were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. After a long road trip, they stopped at a service station to fill up their car with gas.

As it turns out, the owner of the gas station was Hillary's old high school boyfrined. They exchanged hello's and brief chit-chat before the former White House couple went on their way.

As they were making their way back home, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey... if you had stayed with him, you would now be the wife of a service station owner."

She smirked and replied, "No Bill, if I had stayed with him... he would have been the President of the United States!"

hhahahahahaha HILLARY.... shes got bigger balls than me..... ahhh oh wait a minute.....

An Iowa  Sheriff stops at a farm in rural  Ross County

        and talks with an old farmer.



        He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect

        your ranch for illegal grown drugs...'



        The old farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over
there.'



       The Sheriff verbally explodes saying,

        'Mister, I have the authority of the

        Sheriffs Department with me.' Reaching

        into his rear pant pocket and

       removing his badge. The officer proudly

        displays it to the farmer.

       'See this badge? This badge means

        I am allowed to go wherever

       I wish..on any land. No questions asked

         or answers given.

        Have I made myself clear?

        Do you understand?'



        The old farmer nods politely and

        goes about his chores.



        Later, the old farmer hears loud screams

        and spies the Sheriff running for

        his life and close behind is the farmer's bull.



        With every step the bull is gaining ground

        on the officer. The Sheriff is clearly terrified.



        The old farmer immediately throws down

        his tools, runs to the fence and yells

        at the top of his lungs......


        'Your badge!

        Show him your badge Smartass!

^^^^^^ now that was good

Rather be a Smart ass then a Dumb ass Cop any day!

Hillary dont have bigger balls than anyone ... she just makes the guys balls shrink with every minute till they are samller than hers. In fact, she can make everyone who even sees her have theirs shrink ... even on TV ... if you had watched her in your life, ever, or even heard her, they will shrink.

If 2 nuts (I mean nuts like in almonds and brazil nuts) are having sexxxxxxx ... what would that be called.












Cashew sex ?


Yes the cashews cannot shrink from hillary because technically they are a fruit.
Bwaaaaaaaaa ...

Cool.
Buddha.

Quote from: JB848 on July 14, 2009, 12:37:11 PM
Rather be a Smart ass then a Dumb ass Cop any day!

Being one will make you the other most of the time.

This coming from experience there Cafeboy? LMAO JK

I have had to deal with a few. 

A blonde walks into an appliance store and says I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk replies I'm sorry, we don't do business with blondes.

So she stormed off back to her house and dyed her hair black.

The next day, she went back to the same store and said I would like to buy that T.V. please.

The store clerk, once again, replies Sorry, we don't do business with blondes.

The blonde replied How did you know I was blonde?

The clerk says Because thats a microwave.

What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water ? ? ? ? ?
































It may take me a while to get hard, I was just layed by that chick over there.

Quote from: cafeboy on July 15, 2009, 11:11:36 AM
I have had to deal with a few. 

i was one briefly, im still a smartass tho