Men Rules



You always hear "the rules" from the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules and yes they are all our #1 rule


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.  If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.  And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.  See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact,
all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to
act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,  and one of the
ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us  how you want it done.
Not both. If you already know best how to do it,  just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for
example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a  fruit. We have no idea
what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's
wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer  to, expect an answer
you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything  you wear is fine...
Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss
such topics as motorcycles, baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch
tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.

Amen, brother!    

On the whole, I agree with your assertions except the thing about the 16 colors.  I'm at least 256.  

great.  Sent that to my girlfriend and she loved it as well.  Don't know why exactly

Bravo! I love this stuff. Kudos Werase.

 -Anti

I have to say that is the best thing I have read in quite awhile and I can attest to this one "If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. "  That one is so true.

I got that one in my email a while back and immediately forwarded it to my better half...she read it on here again tonight and laughed all over again... :lol:  :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

Excellent!!!

THANK_YOU!                        

From a womans point of view- course this woman rides a bike and has been deemed a "TomGirl" so this is a bit warped:

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it
down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us
complaining about you leaving it down.
Good point...just clean the toilet every now and again and its cool.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
Yeah someone to watch with that understands the game!

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that
way.
Got to learn to shop with a purpose except when in Home Depot or electronic store.  Browsing is permittable and fun there!

Crying is blackmail.
No comment here..  

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
Ok- no sublte hints:  Your socks smell- go to take a shower!   :mrgreen:

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
What?  I wasn't paying attention.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
Have to agree... can't argue there!  

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Do women really use this for an excuse?  I think this refers back to the subtle hints.  Maybe they should try "Down boy!"   :mrgreen:

OK so you get my point.  Not all women are like this... but many are.
I am sorry for those of you who have selected a woman that thinks shopping is a sport or a national past time.   :mrgreen:

Great list!  

Ok, by #4 or 5, you were losing me because I just don't have any of those problems.  However, once you passed the 17 month headache one, you started getting me back.

However, let me just say that if your girlfriend, wife, whatever hasn't wanted to have sex with you in 17 months, you probably need to go to the bookstore and figure out how to get her off.

I'm going to have to completely disagree with the toilet seat thing.  I'd MUCH rather just put it down when I'm done than have to listen to her piss and moan because I never clean it.  Same reason I agree to always take out the garbage, no questions asked.  I'd rather do that than clean toilets.

Luckily, my girlfriend doesn't really enjoy shopping that much, so no issues there.

There were a few that were just hilarious though:
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
HAHA!!  Totally un-PC, but funny.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.
I swear, they don't do this on purpose.  It's like some sort of test to see if we consider them worth missing whatever we're watching to listen.  Fine, ok.  But do we need to retake that test every day?


Overall, much better than the usual drab that I have to sort through at work.  Thanks!

wait a minute , the only time men come into contact w/ the toilet seat, is 1 taking a {censored}, or 2. missing the bowl  :dunno: (kinda-sometimes-happens-when-drunk)  :dunno:  :mrgreen:[/img]

holy thread resurrection batman

Quote from: werase643 on February 11, 2004, 05:02:52 PM
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

I love this one!

Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on July 30, 2006, 06:37:16 PM
holy thread resurrection batman

he starts title with OT...that would predate the odds&ends forum then...back in the day, we would know it wasnt gs or motorcycle related when a thread title started that way...(ie off topic).

I was wondering what that was...

The toilet seat one is the best, by far.

I leave it down for sanitary purposes, but funny shaZam! nonetheless.

not quite rules for women but just some more good man law

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.


2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:


(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss' car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.


3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and
eaten by his buddies.


4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail
within 12 hours.


5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.


6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.


7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In
fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that
point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.


8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.


9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the
score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.


10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to
climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent
entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.


11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning
on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's
free.


12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick
another guy in the nuts.


13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.


15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.


16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the
other sports watchers.


17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober
enough to fight.


18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but
not both, that's just greedy.


19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his
choice of beer.


20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except
if she's withholding sex pending your response.


21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:


(a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
(b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
(c) Another set and we can hit the showers!


22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an
almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.


23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you
are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.
Hang up if necessary.


24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend"
have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about
what a big mistake it was occurs.


25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to
drive yours.


26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or
sky blue.


27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with
"If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.


28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.
Ever

29: Pull out.

30: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below.


"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by
your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or
are you flying somewhere?"


"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume
and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the *** and having the
balls to say, "You're next!"


We hope this clears up any confusion.


The International Council of Manhood, Ltd

Quote from: cuda_06 on August 01, 2006, 07:15:29 PM
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or
sky blue.

But sky blue motorcycles are still cool, right guys?  .... Guys?

Thats one of the weaker rules so it should be able to slide