I've done a lot of little things to my bike since I got her a couple months ago, with the awesome help/advice/motivation of my boyfriend...He's been riding motorcycles for almost 20 years, has 3 of his own, and is a mechanic anyway, so he knows how to do pretty much everything, as far as I can tell. I'm very grateful for his assistance, but most of the time I end up just watching him do xyz to my bike even when I say "I want to do this, I don't want you to do it, it's my bike." The last thing I want to do is fight with him about it; he does know a lot more than I do and has an incomparable amount of experience. But how can I get him to take me seriously and let me do things, even if it's as simple as unscrewing some bolts or putting wire connectors on for something we've changed? Any advice? Or should I just let it go, since it's not really a big deal in the final analysis?

Two people can Always sort out their differences - unless - there is a Hidden Third Party/s butting in.

Anyone that gives you advice here becomes that third party. As you Act on any advice you don't have that third party present to advise of comebacks. So you tend to stick with the first lot of advice Until you can ask for more. This causes troubles, arguments, etc.

My advice is, don't come here asking for advice on how to talk to your boyfriend about him Letting you do things. My advice is, when he is NOT working on the biked - on your behalf - to calmly and in a non-attacking non-blaming non-belittling way, ask him to Let You Do It while he supervises. In other words, communicate with him yourself, without our advice. Show him this thread if you must to illustrate how it makes you feel. But just talk to the man.

Michael

We kinda get stuck in that rut everyso often . I usually solve the problem by working on something else.  When he comes to ask why I'm not workin on what I asked for help on I just say well you took over the job I can't see and your not letting me help. That usually does the trick without too much arguing.

Mary

Some people aren't that great of teachers. I'm awful at trying to instruct people on things because I tend to just do everything and assume people will learn by watching. I know that's not the best way but that's what my dad did so I picked up the habit from him. I try to change it, but if things were that easy to change they wouldn't be habits. Pick something on your bike you want to do, and before you start say "I'm going to do this, I'd like for you to watch and help me do it, but you're not allowed to touch anything!". As long as you say it nicely I don't think you'd have any problems. As much as some guys like to act like 'protectors'  and want to take care of you and do things for you, we've also got a huge soft spot for a girl who knows how to use a wrench!

Yea some people aren't "articulate". I've been told that by my cousin to whom I taught the word articulate. 

Anyway apparently she asked me a math question. After an hour of listening to me, she still had that same question and many more. This apparently was 20 years ago. She still has the same question.

Oh wait what does that have to do on the GS work hogging boyfriend ... no idea.

Cool.
Buddha.

agreed TT agreed. and buddha is that a tamil translation for you ramble?

Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on April 26, 2011, 07:18:08 PM
agreed TT agreed. and buddha is that a tamil translation for you ramble?

I thought Tamil was Sri Lankan not Indian? 

i recall buddha mentioning teaching his son math in tamil confounding his teachers lol

I hate teaching. (Probably why I teach martial arts can I hit my students.)

Mister gave the good advice or the good not advice.

Personally if I were you and I'm not (be thankful for that) I'd wait till he isn't there and do the work myself. When I got stuck I'd ask him for advice and wait till he isn't there again to follow it. That way he sees you ask for advice when stuck but you can do it yourself.

Quote from: mister on April 26, 2011, 12:12:22 AM
Two people can Always sort out their differences - unless - there is a Hidden Third Party/s butting in.

Anyone that gives you advice here becomes that third party. As you Act on any advice you don't have that third party present to advise of comebacks. So you tend to stick with the first lot of advice Until you can ask for more. This causes troubles, arguments, etc.

My advice is, don't come here asking for advice on how to talk to your boyfriend about him Letting you do things. My advice is, when he is NOT working on the biked - on your behalf - to calmly and in a non-attacking non-blaming non-belittling way, ask him to Let You Do It while he supervises. In other words, communicate with him yourself, without our advice. Show him this thread if you must to illustrate how it makes you feel. But just talk to the man.

Michael

I guess what I should've asked was, what would YOU listen to? What would cause you to take my ever-so-frequently-repeated "I don't want you to do it"/"Please don't, she's my bike and I should and want to do this" etc seriously? Relationship advice isn't my goal. I want to know what would get through your skulls, personally, because when I say "Let me", he reluctantly cedes control of the tools to me, and then I come back from the bathroom and he's taken off the plastic behind the license plate and disconnected and removed the tail lights while I took care of business.

I think the next time I wanna do something, doing it while he's at work like Shaddow said might be the answer... Anyway, thanks guys.

Quote from: Twisted on April 26, 2011, 07:43:39 PM

Quote from: yamahonkawazuki on April 26, 2011, 07:18:08 PM
agreed TT agreed. and buddha is that a tamil translation for you ramble?

I thought Tamil was Sri Lankan not Indian? 

Grrrr ... grrrr ...

Tamil is from Tamil nadu - my home state, also affectionately called TN - like Tennessee. It is Indian wihtout a doubt.
Srilanka has a big tamil population, a lot of whom were oppressed by the Sinhalese majority and that has given rise to terrorism. The general understanding is that Sinhalese is a version of an amalgam of north Indian languages. They emigrated to sri lanka like 7-800 years ago.
The tamils emigrated closer to 100 years ago. They have been fighting ever since.

Srilankan Tamil is a dialect of tamil. So is Singaporean/malasian tamil, Indonesian tamil, Mauritian tamil, and the pre historic tribes in the Andaman and nicobar islands speak a primitve version of it too. Sinhalese does not bear much resemblance to any indian language.

Cool.
Buddha.

BTW My neighbor @ work speaks telugu and can even speak sql in telugu. Scary, truly scary.
Cool.
Buddha.

Thanks for clearing that up Buddha lol 

As clear as mud but that is Buddhaease for ya!

There have been a couple of times BF had pulled that I usually whack him on the back of the head. But, he really is good for loosening tight bolts LOL. He taught me carb synching a couple of weeks ago and it really was a bonding experience. (there is an argument back story but not getting into it) He realized while I was eager to learn and knows that I am sick and needs some help but he's also gotta back off and let me get flustered a couple of times. Or the wratchet will fall on his barefoot with  from me!

Keep being your own woman! I;ve found the guys respect that too!

Mary

Quote from: Toogoofy317 on April 27, 2011, 05:20:32 PM
As clear as mud but that is Buddhaease for ya!

There have been a couple of times BF had pulled that I usually whack him on the back of the head. But, he really is good for loosening tight bolts LOL. He taught me carb synching a couple of weeks ago and it really was a bonding experience. (there is an argument back story but not getting into it) He realized while I was eager to learn and knows that I am sick and needs some help but he's also gotta back off and let me get flustered a couple of times. Or the wratchet will fall on his barefoot with  from me!

Keep being your own woman! I;ve found the guys respect that too!

Mary

agreed. its like teaching my father to use a computer. NOT FUN. i show him a lil bit, then step back, hes like what if i break it, im like shaZam! unless fire and smoke comes out of it, i can undo whatever you might do. so go for it