----- History 101
For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.


The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:


1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.


Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.


Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.


Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.


Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.


Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.


Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off.


And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.







___________





 

 

 

Yeah, the Liberals stayed in Europe alright, Charlamaign, the Borgias, Nicolo Machiavelli, Elizabeth 1st, Cromwell, Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin, Churchill and Thatcher are all good examples of wishy-washy liberal blood. 

 

QuoteConservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud

If I drink Bud, and Bud is no longer a domestic beer, am I still conservative?

-Porkchop

Quote from: Porkchop on June 03, 2009, 07:58:54 AM

QuoteConservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud

If I drink Bud, and Bud is no longer a domestic beer, am I still conservative?

-Porkchop

its like still is, like chrysler was wiht mercedes at the wheel. still an american car wiht new parents. BUT i drink both dom. and imported, whichever my budget will allow course i AM weird too

i have no political label. i do not consider myself republican, democrat or independant. nor am i liberal or conservative. i am niether left-wing, right wing or center. I AM AN AMERICAN! my views on issues are my views. i am willing to debate any topic at anytime with any person. and if i don't know, i'll admit as much. if i'm wrong, i'll admit as much. and i'll drink any beer/beverage that's bought for me....  however, if i'm buying, i buy what tastes good to me. not because it came from somewhere. i could give two-bits less where it was made. anyhow. end of rant. 

Quote from: jserio on June 03, 2009, 09:11:01 PM
i'll drink any beer/beverage that's bought for me 

+1
So buy me some freaking beer and send it to me sucka

Quote from: cafeboy on June 03, 2009, 09:17:39 PM

Quote from: jserio on June 03, 2009, 09:11:01 PM
i'll drink any beer/beverage that's bought for me 

+1
So buy me some freaking beer and send it to me sucka

next time i'm down that way, beer is on me bro...     (or should you happen up this way....offer is the same)

 

Hey,
Just looked it up, you are only about 10 hours away.  free 

ha ha! yup! we couldn't make it down to charlotte this year for the race. (good thing, my in laws say it rained most of the time down there). oh well, always next year!   

Quote from: jserio on June 03, 2009, 10:12:30 PM
ha ha! yup! we couldn't make it down to charlotte this year for the race. (good thing, my in laws say it rained most of the time down there). oh well, always next year!   

youre not missing much except for the buddha and his collection of bike parts and skunk  beer

Shunk beer WHAT 

don't ask, don't tell....remember? 

Yep,
I just think all this mess he is dealing with has messed up his mined